i don't own HP...
"Hey this time its YOUR fault we're here!" James responded to Sirius's mood.
"I dunno, I think its kinda cute..." Lily said looking through the funky crystal bowl filled with water they used to see the world of the living.
"Cute? That thing is annoying! Do you know how many times when Ron was at Grimwald Place that thing tried to get Buckbeak to eat it? I nearly got trampled by a rampaging hippogriff!" Sirius exclaimed. "TWICE!"
"Hey, remember your fifth year prediction for star charts?" James suddenly burst out laughing.
Sirius threw a lime at James' head, "Shut up."
"Hey!" James said rubbing his head. "That hurt you overgrown grim!"
"Don't get me started antler-boy!" Sirius retorted angrily.
"Would you boys stop acting like first years?" Lily sighed looking at her two co-hosts who were about to beat the living... er... ectoplasmic shit out of each other.
"But WHHHY?" Sirius whined.
"Because you are annoying the crap out of me," The Infamous Voice From Above said irritably.
"You're an adult. Act like it. At least while you're working for me."
"I'm getting payed?" Sirius asked curiously.
"Actually your royalties are being used to keep Pig's supply of extra chewy Owl treats from dwindling," the voice explained.
"I hate that thing," Sirius muttered darkly while James laughed.
"You're the one who gave it to Ron," Lily pointed out.
"Well it was the only one that actually was willing to send that letter to Harry at the time. The rest of the owls were warned not to let me use them because I was supposed to be the oh-so-dangerous Sirius Black," Sirius grumbled. "The friggin' white sheep of the Black family dangerous! Come on now!"
"Well you were fond of explosions in school," James grinned.
"Remember the reason you have this show in the first place?" The Infamous Voice asked impatiently. "I end up on here more times than the Frying-Pan-Lady, and she has a habit of just popping in out of no where! Why do I even employ you three?"
"Because you love us?" Sirius asked seriously.
"Ahhh!" Lily cried. "The author made the pun!"
"Way overdone!" James added.
"Anybody find it amusing that the author is having us make these comments?" Sirius asked.
"AUTHOR!" the voice complained. "THE DAMN STORY ALREADY!"
(if I could I would electrocute you)
"Anyway.... we're here to explain why Pig is so hyper," Lily said wanting to dart her eyes from the author to the voice but as neither actually had a body in the fic she decided to blink nervously.
"Everybody here has read Quidditch Through the Ages right?" James asked starting to look around and then realized there was no live audience.
"This is why people shouldn't take naps after eight p.m. ..." Sirius muttered under his breath.
"Probably not everyone. Lily didn't until you married her."
"But I knew what a Snidget was," Lily replied. "The little bird that nearly became extinct because Quidditch maniacs almost killed all of them by squashing them when they caught them to end a Quidditch game!"
"Well that settles that," James said. "I was going to explain, but my lovely wife did."
"What do you want?" Lily asked suspiciously.
"Oooh, a little lover's liason?" Sirius asked.
"Are you sure you're not related to Peeves, Padfoot?" James asked sourly.
"Positive Prongs," Sirius replied. "That he was my several greats grandfather."
"Really?" Lily asked curiously.
"Wrong story!" the voice said.
"Oh yeah..." Sirius said. "Can we do that next?"
"Snidget and Pig?" The Infamous Voice reminded.
"Oh but its not that much fun!"
"Pig is the result of a misaliance between an owl and a Snidget which is why he's so damn hyper! There! Was that so bloody hard?" the voice screamed. "Can't you people get to the point once and a while?"
"Ah, but its fun riling you up Voicikins," Sirius replied cheekily.
"It is," Lily grinned.
"Most definitely," James agreed.
"Lady, we have trouble in sector 1031," the voice called out. "A group mischievous individuals are creating trouble, could you come and investigate it please?"
The Frying Pan Lady came galloping in on a Hippogriff wielding her frying pan and sending the trio of taletellers running.
Hyperness after midnight.