Warnings/notes : Yugi/Yami, vague hints at Ryou/Bakura and Seto/Jou, Anzu, songfic, Anzu pov.
Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. The song Yuugao (Moonflower) doesn't belong to me. Its lyrics are taken from animelyrics.com, from the serie 'Weiss Kreuz'. [If you know that serie ; this is one of Ken's songs.]
written at 8th june 2003, by Misura
Anzu = Tea. She adresses Yugi as 'Yugi' and his yami as 'Yami'. I hope this isn't too incorrect. Bakura = Ryou Bakura, Honda = Tristan, Jou = Joey
//Like a flower grown lonely,
I look downwards a little bit,//
I suppose that in a way I have always loved Yugi. I mean, come on, he's cute, nice, smart ; everything a girl could look for in a friend. Or someone a bit more than a friend ...
The two of us grew closer together in time, our being together becoming something everyone was used to. We never spoke about love ; there was no need for it.
Not a single girl at our school would even consider trying to date Yugi ; they all knew he belonged with me. That was another reason why we never officially got into a 'relationship' (how I hate that word! It's just so ... so stupid!).
What there was between us didn't have to be named ; everyone could see it was there.
//And like a star grown lonely
I bathe in the setting sun.//
And then everything changed, when Pegasus kidnapped Yugi's grandfather's soul, forcing him to leave his normal life behind. I went with him, of course, as did Honda and Jou, the two former bullies who had become his friends. And quiet Bakura. And two Others, about none of us knew.
One of them insane and sadistic, seemingly without a heart, not even caring about his host.
The other one though ...
In a lot of ways he was like Yugi, only ... different? The first word that comes to mind is 'better' but that wouldn't be fair. Neither of them is better than the other one.
They complete eachother.
//Yet now, after all this,
With a composed face,//
Yugi was still my friend, but the certainty or even the hope that one day we would be more than friends slowly died as he and his Other became more and more absorbed in themselves.
It happened more often and often that Yugi would get that strange, vacant look in his eyes that indicated he was talking to the spirit we came to refer to as Yami.
When Millenium magic gave him a body of his own, it was only the last step in something all of us, Jou, Honda, Bakura and me, had seen coming all along.
I didn't show how much it hurt to see the two of them together. Because it was the right thing, even if it broke my heart.
//I murmur too often to someone
That I'm not lonely.//
Some of the others noticed, but I always told them I was just fine. Told them being friends was enough for me. I could see in their eyes they didn't believe me, but they never said it aloud.
What would have been the use of it? Why disrupt the newfound joy Yugi and Yami had found in eachother's company? They deserved some carefree happiness after all they had been through.
They were in love. So was I. Nothing to do about that.
//Look, deeply as the sky is blue
At the end of the night//
I kept facing the world with the smile and the cheerfulness they knew and expected from me. When school started again, it seemed nothing had changed. Just that there was a new boy in class, who looked a lot like Yugi.
Yugi was still the center of our group, though Bakura drifted away after a while. He told us his father had asked him to come over to Egypt to help with the digging. We only discovered the truth much later, when he and his yami had already straightened out the difficulties between them and had settled in a life together.
It reinforced my decision not to fight for him I loved, to accept his loss and go on with my life.
//The yet-unseen radiance has lost its way.
Yes, the reality that eyes can't reach
is wandering at the end of this broad sky.//
I already mentioned Yugi and Yami seemed to complete eachother, like they were two halves of the same soul. I think that was one of the reasons no one commented on two boys kissing and hugging in public.
I saw Jou looking at them sometimes, a hint of hurt in his eyes. Only when he told me about him and Kaiba, I understood why. I felt like a bitch when my first thought was that yet another person had found what I could never seem to have.
Jounouchi is my friend. So I congratulated him when Kaiba's sent him chocolates on Valentine's Day and ignored the lump in my throat when I ate one. And when they had a fight again, I was there for him to hear his rantings or be the shoulder for him to cry on.
//Like the wind has grown suffocating,
I suddenly look to one side,//
I got new friends, female friends. It was fun to be among girls only, to giggle about those things guys will simply never understand. But it wasn't enough.
You can't stop wishing for something just because it's impossible.
One afternoon, Yami came to talk to me. He looked rather serious. My first thought was that something had happened to Yugi, though I honestly couldn't think of any reason why he would want to see *me* in such a case.
//And like the sea has grown oppressive,
I'm swayed by the waves.//
"Yugi is worried about you." he said. I wondered if he phrased it like that to indicate *he* wasn't then berated myself. "He says you have changed."
"All of us have." I replied, ignoring the first half of his words. "A lot has happened."
He frowned then nodded. "But you seem to be ... unhappy recently."
I shrugged. "Any life has ups and downs. Tell Yugi not to fret ; I'm just fine."
I was lying and I knew he knew it too. But, like Jou and Honda, he didn't argue the point. He just left. Sometimes I wonder why it seems sometimes as if everyone I care for leaves me sooner or later ; my parents, Yugi, Jou ... they're all still there but they're gone at the same time.
//Yet now, after all this,
Without turning around,//
A few days passed before he returned. I hadn't expected him to. He only spoke two words :
"Know what?" I asked.
"Why you're not happy. It's because of Yugi."
I swallowed, wondering how he found out.
"You love him." he continued. Perhaps there was compassion in his eyes ; I wouldn't know. I wasn't looking at him.
"I think that ... " he hesitated, "I think that if I hadn't been there the two of you would have gotten together." Hearing him say that didn't comfort me in any way.
"I'm sorry." He left. His apologies didn't comfort me either.
//Even if I can never meet you again,
I say farewell.//
It felt good to cry, to let it all out for once.
Perhaps I should have done it sooner, shouldn't have tried for so long to hide it. Perhaps I should have been a bit more selfish in the past. I was the one who was always there, but I never sought the help I so freely offered for my own.
I stayed home from school the next day. And the day after. I had some thinking to do, some decisions to make.
//Look, the someday we were told would come is dancing, isn't it?
When we still believed in both love and gentleness,//
The third day, they came bursting into my room. All of them, Yugi, Yami, Jou, Honda and even Bakura and his creepy friend. Because they were worried about me.
When they heard of the choice I had made, they tried to convince me to change my mind. I refused to, saying it was for the better.
They made me promise I would tell them when I left so that they could wish me well and wave me off. I did so gladly.
The second promise they wanted was that I would come back one day.
This too I promised.
//Yes, in the reality that eyes can't reach,
I believed in the day this world conceals (from us).//
Now, in the light of the rising sun, I can feel I am doing the right thing. I wouldn't be able to live without them, but I need to get away from all of this for a while, to be able to find my balance again.
"Goodbye, Anzu. I will miss you." Yugi smiles bravely, how could I do less?
"Don't stay gone too long, you hear me?" Jou grins. His last fight with Kaiba has been over a week ago, which is a new record.
"Take care of yourself." Tristan adds.
"Call me when you need help." Bakura adds, prodding his yami who looks disinterestedly.
"Especially if someone's bothering you!"
Bakura sighs, while the rest of us exchange a grin.
//Look, the someday we were told would come is dancing, isn't it...?//