Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!
This chapter was revised. You may notice major changes.
What was the appropriate word for this situation?
...At that moment, I couldn't even fathom which term was more superior than the other.
Yes, you could say that I was depressed; that I drowned myself in my own sorrows. But even that would be such an understatement.
I tried to repress them.
...They wouldn't listen.
Nobody ever listened.
It's not fair.
I was thankful for the tears that came, for they contorted my sight.
I didn't want to see their faces.
The whimpers that were once so inaudible, evolved to shrieks that deafened my own ears.
I didn't want to hear them laugh.
My throat became hoarse.
I was grateful, for I didn't want to speak.
Yes, you could say that I was emotional; I was never the kind of person that would keep her thoughts and feelings inside. But then again, that could be an overstatement as well.
I smiled gently.
He came out as victor.
I jumped from the bleachers and ran to him, waving.
As I neared the crowd surrounding him, his violet eyes met mine. The words of felicitations got caught in my throat, but I strained to let them out, "..Umm.. Congratulations. You did great out there."
His piercing stare bore onto my skull and I momentarily wondered if I had just said something that aggravated him.
He brushed pass me and walked away, never once looking back.
I immediately forced on a cheerful albeit wavering smile and waved half-heartedly, even though no one was looking.
I knew what it was that exasperated them, for it was the same thing that bothered me to no end.
"You could do it! Don't give up!"
I yelled those words of encouragement to him as loud as I could, hoping to get the message across.
'Anzu,' it said on the back of the envelope in neat, cursive letters.
I hesitantly tore off the seal and eagerly scanned the contents of the letter.
'Meet me in the back after school.'
He was there, his back turned towards me.
I fingered the letter nervously and lowered my head so that my bangs would cover my eyes.
My eyes widened and I looked up to see his eyes upon me.
I greatly anticipated his next words.
He looked away, "I lost the match the other day."
He paused, as if waiting for me to say something.
He glanced at me and responded hesitantly, "Yes... About that... I think that you shouldn't come to my matches anymore."
I stood there, frozen. "I-I'm sorry?"
He closed his eyes, and with an expression of complete exasperation, stated, "Look... Your 'encouraging speeches' are distracting me. I know that you have good intentions but..."
There was an moment of silence before he walked away.
After that, it was as if life continued on it's own pace, and everyone resumed their normal activities.
I just wasn't included anymore.
They changed dramatically. I, on the other hand, haven't changed at all.
I didn't want to change. I wanted everything to stay the same, and still remain happy.
But no one ever really cared about my wants and needs... no one.
I reprimanded myself; I was being too selfish.
I glanced indecisively at the letter that sat on the bed.
I wanted to feel... wanted.
And there was a place, after all, that I could go. I wouldn't suffer anymore, and there was no one to prevent me from going.
Standing up from my crouched position, I took out a piece of paper and an envelope, and wrote down my response.
deity of death1