They all thought, no -think- it should have been me. -All- of them. Xander stayed the hell away from me. Willow and Tara wouldn't stop fussing over me, offering me food and shit, but never looking me in the eye or waiting for an answer. Anya blamed me for the fact that she hadn't gotten any in over a month. And Giles...

He was supposed to have been my guardian, but two weeks ago he died form alcohol poisoning. His head hanging over the back of the couch, his bottle spilt over the floor, soaking the carpet, and his cloths were filthy, like he hadn't changed in days. Which was probably the case. I came home from school and found him dead, his empty eyes somehow accusing.

So now the but takes care of me, as Willow and Tara moved to LA and I'm only going to see Red every three months when she comes back to Sunnyhell to give the bot a checkup, and Xander and Anya...I haven't heard from them since Giles died.

Then my thoughts turn to Buffy. Not the but, damnit, not the one I love, the real Slayer. The one who never had time for me. The one who treated me like a burden every chance she got. The one who would kick the crap out of me and scream that it was my fault mom was dead. That it was the Key's energy that caused the blood in mum's head to clot.

When Giles died, Willow and Tara tried to resurrect Buffy, but she 'came back wrong.' Is that what you call it when she doesn't even bother to hide the fact that she takes a perverts pleasure in beating her younger sister? Spike knew she wasn't human because when he pulled her off me, she decked him, and he hit her back without the chip frying his brain.

But she managed to stake him before the bot decapitated her. I got up and told the bot I loved her, before crying over Spike's dust.

That night Willow and Tara packed up, said a two minute goodbye and left. Didn't even offer to take me with them. Big surprise.

I took the bot offline last week. As much as I love her, listen to her chirpy, cheerful voice coming out of a body identical to the one person I hate tho most in the world.

I can't take it anymore.

I can't, I won't, who the hell knows.

I'll bet nobody finds me until that freaky social worker come looking for Buffy to know why I haven't been at school.

I wouldn't be surprised if Willow breaks her promise and never comes back.

Now I only have one decision left.

Gun, razor blade, rope, pills, draino, or a bottle broken over my head.

Thousands of ways to do it, just gotta pick one.

Maybe I'll do what Buffy did. Jump off that tower that crazy people made 'cause I can't stand to live anymore.

So make that a thousand and one.