The Famous Five and the Toilet Humour


Disclaimer: The Famous Five were created by Enid Blyton. Hear that noise? That's her turning in her grave.

Author's Notes: Short, silly fic. Pity there isn't an actual section for the Five here. I've tried suggesting it. Anyway, we all know that the Five never go to the toilet, right? Try this. A missing moment from "Five on a Treasure Island".


"Where are the what? Anne, this is an island! There isn't any plumbing!"

George Kirrin's disbelieving face would have sent Julian and Dick into fits of laughter if it hadn't been for their sister's terrified look.

"But where do you . . ." Anne dropped her voice to a whisper, "you know, go?"

"Behind a bush," came George's prompt reply. She returned to unpacking her bag, satisfied that that was the end of the matter. Anne's eyes grew wider.

"But what if you want to . . ." She waved her hands helplessly.

"Poo?" George asked. Anne nodded, mortified. "Well, then," George told her, matter-of-factly, "you just dig a small hole, then cover it over when you've finished."

"What about . . ." Anne dropped her voice again, "wiping?"

"Oh, use a paper tissue." Again, George returned to her unpacking. Julian and Dick stuffed their fists into their mouths to muffle their laughter.

Anne walked off uneasily round the corner, but returned a moment later. "Which bush?" she asked.

"Any bush! Just . . . don't choose a prickly one."

"Right." Anne walked away again, while the others returned to their tasks. Moments later, she was back.

"George," she whined, "all the bunny rabbits are watching me."

George lost her temper.