#A/N: Well, here it is and just under a year too, how… pathetic. I'm really sorry this took sooooooo fucking long but real life has been kicking my ass for a while now and I just didn't have it in me. I can't say when the next chapter will show itself, I've already started to write it but as most of you know… that doesn't mean a damn thing. But hopefully fingers crossed it will not take that long. A year! Shame on me. You all have my permission to flog me if you'd like. J This is so not beta-ed. So, I'm sure it's full full full of mistakes. Once it is, I'll repost it but I don't even have a beta at the moment. Anyone want the job? The pay sucks and there's not a lot of work but you get to see how very much my grammar blows. Harry turned out a little crazier than usual in this chapter as well, not sure why really but you have been warned. Oh and in case you haven't realized, for whatever reason, this is slash. So if that's not your thing, I suggest you become real friendly with Mr. Back Button.

Also, there may be some disappointment with the actual amount of lovin in this chapter, as those of you who have read the story will know, there is some smut in the last chapter - meaning there should be smut in this one but there is no sex scene from Harry's POV… that's just how I wanted it written (hopefully after you read it, you'll understand why), however, I did write a shower smut scene a while back that just didn't make it into this fic, so for those of you who are jonsen for it, I will be most happy to send you that or you could always reread it from Draco's POV. J

Disclaimer: They still aren't mine. I can't even trick them into being mine in my head and I think it's very cruel to make me say it over and over again. Please don't sue me.

Sorry for the uber long authors note and a special thanks as always to Lucy.

On with the Show!

Where exactly is this storage room again?

"It's uhh, well… you aren't going to hurt Rebecca are you? I mean, I didn't -" Hurt her? Of course I'm not going to hurt her. From what I've been told, snapping someone's neck is virtually painless.

"That depends." Snappity snap snap -

"On what?" Snap

"On if I get there before she's done something worth getting hurt for. Tell. Me. Now."

His eyes widen slightly and he takes a step back, obviously frightened. Good, he should be.

"Oh it's uh, um -"


"Downthecorridorontherightupthestaristakealeftdownanothercorridortakearightattheendofthatoneandthereyouare. We'redonehererightgood." Huh?

He turns quickly running down the hall leaving me standing here - mouth hanging open, looking like a moron. What the hell was that supposed to mean? I didn't understand a fucking word! How am I supposed to find Draco now?

Damn that kid and his fast talking coward-ness! There must be hundreds of storage rooms in this fucking castle. Doesn't matter, there could be thousands, millions even and I wouldn't care. I am going to find them and that stupid girl (with an obvious death wish) better hope I find them soon.

But where to start? Wait, he said it was on the third floor didn't he? Yes, yes he did, near the… Charms classroom maybe? Damn my bad memory and damn Neville Longbottom and his peer pressure which contributed to the decay of my memory. Hang on a minute. The marauders map! Why didn't I think of it before! The perfect tool to find those who do not want to be found at my disposal and I waste time trying to decide where to start looking. I really am a fucking moron.

Changing direction I head back to Gryffindor tower. Once arriving I run in grab the map and run out. No time to talk or rest, I'm on a mission. Lets hope it doesn't turn into a search and destroy type mission. Those can be quite exhausting.

I manage to make it to the third floor in record time. No sense dallying when there's work to be done, as Mrs. Weasley would say. Once I'm close to my mark I take out the map.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Ah ha! They're close and lucky day, I know exactly where that rooms is. Hey! That's one of my favorites! I frequently take my… special friends there. How dare he, how dare she, how dare them both! The nerve of that bastard! About to fuck some stupid slut in my special place or one of them anyway. Who do they think they are? I'm going to kill them. What they're doing it's… it's… it's fucking disrespectful that's what it is! And I refuse to stand for it!

I finally arrive at my destination but just as I'm about to barge in and start kicking some serious Slytherin ass, I change my mind. What good would it do for me to go crashing in there if they haven't done anything yet? This is a need to catch them in the act type of situation. That way, they can't deny anything and I could say with complete honesty that the sight of them together drove me insane - should the need arise.

I sneak into the small room without making a sound. After a quick scan of my surroundings, I slip into the perfect hiding place - completely undetected. Good to know all that stealth training's finally useful for something other than battle tactics. Although, this would have been a lot easier if I'd thought of grabbing that blasted cloak. Stupid stupid stupid.

Once settled in I turn my attention back to the rooms other occupants. I am relieved to see they are still clothed but to my extreme disgust, are currently involved in a somewhat heated lip-lock. It takes all the strength I posses to not just end it there with a quick Avada or two. However, I personally believe killing someone over a kiss is a little harsh but any nakedness going on and this room is going to be littered with bodies, well… one at least.

For now, I sit back and watch as that dirty dirty little whore puts her hands around his waist - pulling him closer, trying to intensify the kiss. Unfortunately for her, I know what a passionate Draco Malfoy looks like and that is not it. She breaks the kiss after a moment or two, gasping for air. (Breathe much little girl? Amateur) Draco takes that opportunity to scan the room, I panic slightly but realize almost immediately he's not looking for me or anyone else for that matter but somewhere to get more comfortable with whorella over there. I hate her. I hate her so much. I want to rip all her hair out, no no, I want to set it on fire, then spit on her, then rip it out.

By the time I draw myself out of my (admittedly deranged) thoughts, Draco's already made himself comfortable in an old chair and is in the process of beckoning that cheap prom date over. Ahhahahaha, what the hell is she doing? She looks like she's having a seizure. I hope she doesn't think that's sexy. I should - focus Harry. After finishing with her imitation of a baby animal trying to walk for the first time, she settles herself in his lap. Argh, they're kissing again. Calm yourself. I watch the display before me with growing anger and surprising arousal. I suppose it would be really hot, if wasn't my toy that walking broomstick's trying to play with.

I continue to watch the vial display before me with mild interest, waiting patiently for the perfect moment to reveal myself. From this angle I can't really see what's going on all that well, although I am aware of Draco's hands under that… that… trollops robes. Oh oh, what do we have here? He's closing his eyes, he's leaning his head back and where exactly are those little tramps hands? I can only imagine and I think I've seen enough. I come out of my hiding place slowly, quietly, and deliberately not wanting to disturb them just yet. I stop abruptly when I notice her kissing his neck; maybe she'll find that little present I gave him and stop all of this. No bloodshed required. She sits back in his lap slightly and I wait.

"What's this?" What the hell does it look like? It's proof that, that boy belongs to me.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." Nothing? Nothing? You fucking hateful bastard. I worked hard on that!

"Wait... does this say Property of Harry Potter?" Yes it does. Now you may go.

She's not moving. Why isn't she moving? Oh well, I gave her the opportunity; I think it's time to end this little game.

I make my presence know as subtly as I can… by grabbing that stupid cunt by the hair and ripping her off Draco's lap. I manage to get a good grip and hold her down waiting for Draco to realize what's happened.

"So the bitch can read."

Soon enough his head flies up and his eyes widen - meeting mine. He gets up carefully - fastening his trousers in the process - then puts his hands out in front of him in a conceding motion

"Harry, let the girl go." I don't think so.

"Why should I?" She need deserves to be punished.

"Because although it may sound like fun right now, scalping is a very messy practice." He does have a point. I've seen pictures.

I begin to comply with his request but at the last second change my mind and tighten my grip - pulling her head back in a manner I've no doubt is painful and leaning down to hiss in her face.

"If I ever see you even so much as breathe in his direction again I'll kill you... don't think that I won't." Because he is mine! MINE MINE -



"For gods sake the poor girl has to breathe. What the hell is wrong with you? You could be expelled for this." I doubt that. Hell, I could probably kill her and just get detention. I am Harry Potter remember?

"Not in your direction she doesn't, what can I say... I'm a jealous person, and they'd never expel me. Besides, she's not going to tell anyone about this..." I tighten my hold once again - bringing her head back even more "... are you?" No, I really don't think she will.

"No." Excellent

I relinquish my hold on her, with a little more force than necessary and she goes crashing to the floor.

"Good... now go. And remember what I told you." Wow, she's quick. One down, one to go.

Turning my attention back to the object of my aff- recent infatuation, I have only one thought in mind. Take back what's yours.

A little while later…

What's going on? Where am I am? I can't breathe! Why can't I breathe? Where's the girl? Did I kill her? Damn, I hope she's not dead. I might not get to play in the final quidditch game if I've murdered her. I feel naked, why am I naked? Where's Draco? Oh god… oh god! I hope I didn't damage him! I might want to do this again sometime but if I broke something, I don't think he'll let me. Should I say something? Maybe I should just wait until he does. Then I'll know how to expect. If he starts screaming at me, I'll know I'm in trouble and if he doesn't well… then, that will be… good?

He shifts suddenly and without thinking I place a soft kiss between his shoulder blades. He shivers at this and I immediately regret that decision. Why did I do that? Why would I do that? It's not like we just spent a long night of passionate gag 'love making'. Now he's going to think I like him or something, great, just great. Hang on a minute, he can think whatever he wants. I'll just pretend it didn't happen.

"Are you cold?"




"Yes Draco?"

"You can get off me now."

Rude! He could have at least asked instead of ordering me about. Nevertheless, I ease out carefully, trying not to cause him any undo discomfort. It's the least I can do I suppose.

After I've effectively removed myself from his person (ha!) I begin the search for my clothes. Hmm, now where did I put them? This room isn't that big so they couldn't have gotten too far. I glace back a Draco and watch with mild amusement as he tries to pull his self onto the table - with obvious difficulty. Mental pat on the back to me. Well done Harry, well done. Oh my trousers! What - no, these aren't but they look like they are but they can't be. What happened to them! I just bought these too! Damn it, I bet that stupid girl did this. Snuck back in here and ripped my trousers to shreds, jealous bint. Just because I might have ripped out a handful of her hair does not give her the right to ruin a brand new pair of perfectly good trousers! She will pay for this.

"What's wrong Potter?" Draco! I bet he was in on it too! This whole 'I'll keep Potter busy with my ass' thing was all a ploy, so that daft cow could sneak in here and destroy my most beloved pair of ass hugging trousers!

"I can't find my trousers." That's right Harry, play it cool. That way he'll incriminate himself.

"Do you happen to see a pile of shredded gray fabric?" No, of course not. Well, unless you count this bit of rubbish I'm holding in my ARMS!

"Yes." And I'm supposed to be the stupid one.

"Congratulations… you've found them." Ah ha! I knew it! You bastard. In on the whole trouser shredding scheme, how could you?

"These cannot possible be mine. Who did this?" It was you and that gutter slut! Admit it!

"You did." Ha! Yeah, like I would believe that. I would never, never do such a heinous thing.

"I did not." They were My. Favorite. Trousers!

"Yes you did. Right after you decided to throw my clothing around as if it where not very expensive - which, by the way, it is." Oh, trying to distract me with the thought of you being naked eh? Well, not gonna happen asshat. I know you had something to do with it and you will not get away with it. Not on my watch.

"Well that's just great. How am I supposed to get back to my room with no pants?" Maybe I can guilt trick him into confessing.

"You ask me that like I care. Besides, you didn't see me whining when you tore my cloths apart last time and I had to go back to my room in just my robes." That was you.

"Yeah, but that's different." Now confess! Confess I say!

"I know it is. At least you still have some clothing left… I was naked remember." And again with the trying to distract me.

"I know but that was you… this is me." My Favorite pair!

"Oh please, you're hardly what I would call shy. I'm surprised you don't walk around naked as it is." Oh he's good. But I will break you Malfoy… oh yes.

"That… is ludicrous. I am one of the most modest people in the world, I'll have you know." Ha! Even I couldn't say that and keep a straight face.

"Right, you and that stripper Zabini thought would be funny to hire for my sixteenth birthday." My fav- did someone say stripper? Where?

"A stripper?" Now he's trying to bribe me. For shame!

"Exotic Dancer… whatever, look just put your robes on and quit bitching. It's not like anyone will be able to see anything anyway." Bitching? Bitching? I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this trouser assassinating conspiracy!

I can't think of anything to say, so I don't. Maybe if I just stand here staring at him, it will intimidate him into confessing the whole sordid plan. He's getting up, surely he's coming to bow before me and beg my forgiveness. He's coming closer, he's… walking right by me. Oh, he's behind me. I turn quickly, making damn sure he's not trying anything funny - not that I would stop him - but all he seems to be interested in is gathering his own (mysteriously intact) clothing. Stupid Malfoy, that's all the proof I needed! How could my clothes be completely ruined but yours be perfectly fine if you weren't in on it? I'll get you back for this, mark my words.

"Bloody hell Potter! Hurry it up will you… I haven't got all day!" What? Oh, sorry, I was fantasizing about shredding every piece of clothing you own and leaving you with nothing but a little frilly pink dress. Oh the images, surprisingly not wholly unpleasant.

"Well go on then if you're in such a hurry. I didn't ask you to wait for me did I?" Hang on a minute! When did you get dressed? I didn't say you could do that!

"Fine!" No wait! You haven't confessed to being a conspiring trouser destroying fiend and begged my forgiveness yet!

Damn. Now what am I going to do? I couldn't possibly go to the Great Hall like this, I don't care what Draco says. No one will notice. Ha! I'm Harry Potter, of course they'll notice. Besides, what if someone hits Snape with a lust charm and he tries to rip my robes off or something? Nah, I don't think anyone would try that again. Not after last year. I'm pretty sure Terry Boot's still scrubbing cauldrons over that one.

Suddenly, it occurs to me that I am a wizard and I could easily turn this pile of rubbish back into my beloved pants… though I doubt they'll ever be the same. The fact that this very thought has eluted me until now, disturbs me a little but I guess I can just blame Neville and he's blasted extra curricular Herbology for that one as well.

After I've transfigured my pants back to something resembling their former glory, (my favorite!) I get an ingenious idea. I'll get my revenge, get a bite to eat and make sure no one touches my Draco again. Perfect. I dress quickly and head towards the Great Hall for dinner. I've an announcement to make.