Fate: Er. Right. This is the most random fic ever, starring...um...everyone who shows up in the A/Ns, some random reviewers (preferably volunteers), and, of course, my hikari and me. This is going to be Yu-Gi-Oh based, however. There will be a plot other than hair dye. Godzilla will appear. Caffeine has been taken in during the typing of this story. And flames will be laughed at hysterically and used as material for the next chapter.
Disclaimer: ...I don't know what to disclaim. Everything obviously not belonging to Fate isn't hers, and the rest is just scary. Gah.
"I hate you!"
"No you don't, no you don't, no you don't."
The slightly shorter of the two turned away from the full-length mirror, tugging on her hair in frustration. "Will you stop that repeating?"
The hikari pressed a finger to her lips, bouncing idly on the bed. "Nah." The end of her tail twitched. "Iiya-iiya-iiya-iiya!"
"You can be so whiny," her yami retorted, turning back to the mirror, ears twitching. "For Ra's sake, you'd think if I got reincarnated I'd be able to get rid of the ears and the tail and the gods-forsaken pink hair! But no! I'm forever cursed to be cute and fuzzy and PINK!" With another wail of agony, the yami sank to her knees and began bashing her head on the mirror. "I hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE PINK!"
The hikari pouted. "Now who's repeating themselves? And it's magenta," she muttered, stepping lightly over her yami and knocking on the army trunk. "Oi, I need your help. Break it up, you two, you're blocking the portal like that."
There was a very rude reply from inside the army trunk.
The hikari irritably flicked at the locks, then swung the trunk open wide like a door. Two rather indecently entangled and nearly identical white-haired boys immediately collapsed out of it and onto the floor.
"That was a perfectly good snog session that you interrupted," the brown-eyed one said reproachfully. His red-eyed counterpart had skipped the laying-blame bit and had gone directly onto the creative cursing department. "Is it really so important, Fluff-chan?"
Fluffy stuck her tongue out at the boy. "Shut up, Ryou. I hate that name almost as much as yami hates pink. And our hair is so magenta!" she called over to the other girl, who was still involved in trying to break the mirror with her forehead. It wasn't quite working.
"Evil, evil, evil, evil, PINK, die, die, die, die," the yami muttered.
Ryou blinked. "Yami. Gerroff. Go be productive. You know, the whole yami-to-yami thing. Go take over the world or--mmph!"
Fluffy turned her back on the snogging pair once more. "Dammit. All those Ryou/Bakura fics floating around are practically turning the air into an aphrodisiac!"
Bakura came up for air at an opportune moment. "A what?"
"You stop that right now or Seshat mark my words I'll turn you both into chibi plushies!" Fluffy snarled, whirling on the two and snatching up a silvery laptop from the bed, turning it so the gold eye on its cover was firmly visible.
"Ow!" said the laptop. "Buggering mortals!"
"You shut up too," Fluffy said ferociously to the laptop.
"Feh," the laptop said sulkily, and was quiet.
Ryou and Bakura were huddled, quivering, in front of the army trunk, cowed by the floofy-tailed girl's threat. It wasn't a frequent one, but it wasn't an idle one either. "Meep," Ryou finally managed.
"Good!" Fluffy said with a lightning change of attitude and a blinding smile. Glitter showered down from nowhere. "Now go do something about my yami before we both die."
Ryou turned timidly to Fluffy's yami, who was by then staring fixedly at her pet dagger. "Fay-chan?" he began timidly.
Bakura pulled out his own pet dagger and poked the other yami with the handle. "Hey. Fate."
"Mrr?" Fate replied coherently.
"Your hikari is going to turn us into chibi plushies if you don't stop that right now," Ryou whimpered, cowering back into the army trunk and waiting for the fur to fly.
"Oh, stop being such a wimp!" Fate exploded. "I'm trying to make you all un-wimpy! You completely destroy things if you go back to being all whiny when you're not actively in a fic!" Her tail switched, ruffling the fur and showing the magenta roots.
"It really is pink," Bakura said unwisely.
Fate immediately grabbed at her hair. "It's pink! It's growing out pink! My hair is pink, my tail is pink, and my ears are going to be pink at this rate! It's not fair! I don't want to be pink! I don't even want to have cat ears and this huge monstrosity of a tail! I'll never escape the pinkness of doom!" she screamed, and fell back on the floor, utterly senseless in her anguish.
"Is she done yet?" the laptop asked.
Fluffy nodded and picked up a headset connected to the silver machine. She quietly crossed to the room, put it on her fallen yami, and began bouncing idly on the bed once more. "Let's do something fun!" she said to the perplexed pair bonded by the Millennium Ring sitting before her.
"Robbing a bank?" Bakura asked, perking up.
"Feh," the laptop said irascibly. Fate twitched.
Fluffy scowled. "No, baka-Ryou-chan's-yami-baka. We can do that from here with Mel," she informed him, patting the laptop.
"What did you just call me?!"
Fluffy blinked and magenta glitter showered down from the ceiling. "Your name?"
"I think it was meant to be affectionate and demeaning all at once," Ryou said helpfully.
Bakura decided not to think about this. Semantics weren't his job anyway. Stealing, conniving, making Evil Plans, and generally being an all-around nuisance, albeit a Very Evil one, were. "We could start a war?"
This time magenta confetti in the shape of penguins fell from the ceiling. "I think we did that already, about twenty times over. It loses its impact that way," Fluffy pointed out.
Bakura sulked briefly, then brightened again. "Let's go steal some more Millennium Items."
"Okay!" Fluffy stood up, stuck her head into the army trunk and out through the portal conveniently situated in the back, then returned back into the room with yet another white-haired person in tow. "See? Millennium Item person!"
"Oh, shit," Ryou said, and immediately squirmed under the bed.
Bakura promptly reached up and pulled the girl's hair, which earned him a resounding slap. "You're a glutton for punishment," the girl snapped.
"Can we have your Millennium Item, Shi-Shi-sama-chan?" Fluffy asked, bouncing up and down again.
Shiara blinked. "What the hell did you just call me?"
"Your name. Can we can we can we?"
"If you're asking for this thing--" Shiara tapped the metal collar she wore that extended tendrils down to her foot "--then I'd say fuck yeah, take it and the yami, too, but for two things. One is that it's not a real Millennium Item and the other that I don't really want to give up all the cool powers that I got with it. So there."
"Aww," Fluffy said, sitting down with a thump and pouting again sulkily.
"This is the third time you've asked me this in two days," Shiara remarked. "Are you trying to take over the world again?"
"Ma-aybe," Bakura said thoughtfully.
"It'll distract yami!" Fluffy said enthusiastically.
"That time of month?" Shiara inquired, looking over at the swirly-eyed, slightly magenta figure sprawled in front of the mirror. "Yes, the roots are growing out again, as they do every month. Why doesn't she just give it up?"
Fluffy shrugged philosophically. "Why do we all do the things we do? Why is the world the way it is? Why do--?"
Shiara put her hands to her ears. "Enough!"
"Umm...Shiara, are you going to be blowing people up or killing them or anything?" said a small voice from under the bed.
Shiara blinked, then scrambled around and hung upside down off of the bed and peered under it. "What the hell are you doing down there?"
"Hiding," Ryou said cheerily.
"Oh, go switch power with your yami again, you're no fun like this. Grow a backbone and get your ass back out here, and stop looking up my skirt!" Again, Bakura felt the stunning impact of a resounding slap, only this time with an armored hand. "Pervert. Why couldn't you only be interested in your hikari?"
Bakura was too busy being swirly-eyed and bleeding on the floor to answer.
From deep underneath the bed, a maniacal cackle of laughter emerged.
Shiara opted to kneel down and firmly keep an eye on the hemline of her skirt before looking inquisitively at the two glowing red eyes that had to be Ryou. "Must you foam at the mouth so?" Okay, two red eyes and white foaming and teeth that had to be Ryou, then.
"Mwa ha ha ha ha...your incapacitating of my yami has brought me power beyond my wildest dreams! POWER!!"
Shiara blinked. "Haven't you already done something like this?"
The laughter cut off, to be replaced with a doubtful silence. "Sort of. But it's almost over!"
"Get over it, I'm being neglected entirely because Fate over there--" she spared a venomous glance at her KO'd creator "--is trying to decide whether or not to junk the Duelist Kingdom saga bit, and thus won't work on anything I'm in. Whereas you show up in damn near everything else."
"I'm not in Unrequited!"
"That's why I said 'damn near'."
"I'm not in Gift Unto Me A Soul!"
Shiara sighed impatiently. "That hasn't even been written yet."
"Oh. Right." Ryou laughed nervously.
"What happened to the evil laughter?" Fluffy asked curiously.
"Mwa ha ha ha ha?" Ryou ventured.
"Yeah," Fluffy said, and lost interest in the squabbling pair entirely. She wandered over to her yami and poked her instead. "Yaaaaaaaaaami."
"Yeah?" Fate asked, opening one eye and brushing the headset off. She sat up, looked at her tail, and muffled a pained shriek.
"What about more dye?" Fluffy asked reasonably, a tone not often heard from the spastic hikari.
"We're broke! We don't have any money! I'll never be able to buy even temporary dye! We're all going to perish!"
Fluffy blinked. She hadn't realized that it was that serious. "Well, we have got a tomb robber in the room. He's a little incapacitated, though. And Ryou's foaming at the mouth and being all evil. And we have a replacement CEO from Industrial Illusions here, though if Bakura looks up her skirt again, she may not be here for long. And we do have connections in the black market."
Fate thought about this for a while. "Oh yeah."
Fluffy decided to act. She once more went to the army trunk, stuck her head in, and withdrew it with company. This time, it was a white ferret.
"Seeing as how you got such a good deal on the black lipstick, among other things, we have a job for you," Fluffy said to The White Ferret.
The White Ferret thought about this. "I have connections that will help me, yes."
"We could bypass you and go directly to the connections," Fluffy said slyly.
"How?" the Ferret spluttered.
"Let's see, your connections are a long-dead tomb robber, a vengeful street hockey player and part-time Dark Master, two CEOs of rival companies, and generally anyone else on our A/N staff who comes in handy," Fluffy said candidly.
The Ferret glowered at her. "Stop spilling my secrets everywhere."
"I'm not. There's things about you that even I don't know. Like whether or not you're Draco Malfoy in an excellent disguise," Fluffy said thoughtfully.
The White Ferret merely said, "Oh, good, there are things you don't know about me. So what do you want?"
Fluffy smiled. "Hair dye. Lots of it. At no cost to us, and in every conceivable color in the spectrum."
"Piracy, thievery, pillaging, and all those sorts of illegal stuff are fine by you?" The White Ferret asked.
Fluffy nodded emphatically. "Yami will take care of anyone who asks questions. Her monsters have been hungry lately."
The Ferret looked satisfied. "And how soon do you want all this stuff?"
"Before yami has a complete brain-freeze and stops writing and generally keeps her from impersonating me at school. School is boring. I don't wanna go myself," Fluffy said conspiratorially.
"Fair enough," the Ferret said, and dashed back through the portal.
"Yaaaaaaaami," Fluffy said, sitting next to the aforementioned girl with a thump and a cloud of magenta sparkles. "Free hair dye for you at no charge to us and a feeding of your monsters."
"There is a god!" Fate screamed.
Fluffy blinked. "There are several, you know. No need to be melodramatic about that."
"But it sounds nice," Fate pointed out.
Fluffy thought about it. "You know, it rather does."
Under the bed, Ryou began to spontaneously laugh maniacally again as Shiara's attempts to awaken the tomb robber for more physical abuse completely and utterly failed.
Fate: *blink* Well.
Duel: *runs in waving the stick of Doom* Thou shalt all review and BOW BEFORE MEEEEEEE!!! *things explode and Duel vanishes*