Billy's bad day
Peter Pan was bored. Very bored. The rest of the Lost Boys were enjoying themselves, flitting between the different shops of Small Monday Island, but to Peter, that got old fast.
A quiet whisper of his name drew the eternal youth to a nearby stall. Inside was an old woman with twisted knarled hands. The rest of her body was hidden in a thick brown cloak.
"What do you want?" he asked curiously.
"I have something you might want" the crone replied.
"What could you have that I would possibly want?"
The old woman pulled a crystal vial (1) containing a clear liquid out of her cloak. "In this bottle is a great joke. All you have to do is pour it on one of the pirates and fly away."
Peters face lit up at the prospect of playing a joke on the pirates. Quick as a wink, he grabbed the vial and flew off for the Jolly Roger.
Jukes was alone on the deck of the Jolly Roger when Pan came flying by.
"He'll do," thought Peter
The young pirate wasn't in the mood to battle, but he drew his cutlass anyway. "I warn you Pan, if you even try to cause any trouble, I'll…" Before Jukes could finish, the vial of ~very~ cold water was emptied on his head. Billy felt a strange tingle run through him, but he ignored it. "You think you can fight me with…mere…water… What the hell's wrong with my voice?"
Jukes looked down on himself, and nearly fainted when he saw breasts. "You…you…you turned me into a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he, err, she screamed.
Peter kept a straight face for about a microsecond before bursting out laughing and flying away.
Billy-chan held her vest closed to hide her new figure. "Whoever sold Pan that vial is going to die a slow, painful death."
The pirates below deck heard a small commotion. As none of them were really in the mood to get their collective butts whipped by the Lost Boys, they drew straws to see who got the honor of checking out the disturbance. Starkey lost. Grudgingly he treaded up to the deck. What he saw made his heart stop. There, right in front of him was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. It was all he could do to put one foot in front of the other to walk towards her.
Billy was still looking for a belt or something when she noticed Starkey walking towards her like a lovesick zombie, which was pretty much the case.
"Uh, Starkey? Why are you looking at me like that?"
She talked to me. She knows my name. It's a sign from the gods, Starkey thought. Out loud he said, "Never before have I seen such a beautiful creature."
Oh god Billy silently prayed, Tell me he's not talking about me.
Starkey got down on one knee and took the gypsy girl's hand in his own.
"My fairest lady, would you be mine?" he proposed, kissing the girls hand.
Time froze, as did Billy. Slowly a single thought formed in her head. I. Just. Got. Kissed. By. STARKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suddenly overcome by rage and indignation, Billy smacked Starkey so hard he went flying.
"Is that a noooooooooooooooooooooooo" Starkey called as he sailed away.
Jukes fumed for a minute, then spied a rope. Tying around her vest like a belt, she took the long boat to Small Monday Island in search of a cure.
Billy looked up and down at the various street vendors of SMI. They seemed to be selling everything under the sun except something to turn her back into a boy. As she was walking past a plain looking tent she heard a strangled voice hissing "Biiiiiiiilllly Juuukes."
The pirate girl walked into the tent to find an old crone. Her very withered hands were all that was visible from beneath her long brown robe.
"Billy Jukes, you have been wronged. I offer you a chance for revenge."
"I'd rather have a cure, if you don't mind." As tempting as revenge was, it wasn't a good idea. If Jukes did something to Peter, he'd have to face all the Lost Boys. Plus Tink would probably turn him into something a lot worse than a girl.
"You're not angry??"
"I'm furious. But revenge on Pan is more trouble than it's worth (2)."
"Alright then, forget your anger at the one who hit you with a irreversible curse. Forget that as long as you remain in this body, you can never fall in love with a woman. I'm sure many men would prefer you that way. Ignatius Starkey, for example".
"How'd I get talked into this?" muttered Billy as she stalked through the forest of Neverland. In her hands was a clay jug with the word "Pig" written on it in Kanji. Since Billy couldn't read kanji, she had no idea what the bottle said. She had been having second thoughts about this revenge ever since she left SMI.
Hearing Peter's laughter she snuck up behind a tree behind him.
I can't do it she thought, Peter's an idiot. He probably didn't know what was in that vial anymore than I know what's in this jug. And it might have been left at that if only Billy hadn't heard what Peter was saying:
"You should have seen the look on Mr. Jukes's face 'Oh beauteous one…"
Peter had seen that? And now he was laughing at him? Her? ARRRRRRRRRRGGG!!!!
In one smooth motion, Billy stepped out from behind the tree and yanked the stopper out of the jug.
"Har har, not so funny now, is it Peter Pan." She said, pouring the jugs contents all over Peter. Everyone in the clearing jumped about a foot in the air due to the combined shock of Billy's sudden appearance, the fact that Billy WAS a girl, and their leader's sudden dousing.
For a moment it looked like Peter had melted. Then a small black piglet shuffled out of his clothes.
Slightly's body shook with suppressed laughter. Curly had no such self-control and was laughing his ass off. Wendy was still staring at Jukes, who had her arms crossed and was fuming.
Nibs leaned over to the small black pig, "Sorry, but you brought this on yourself" (Nibs had been a little worried Peter might pull a similar stunt, this time on one of the boys) Nibs picked up Peter-buta, who gave a very loud "Bweeee", and flew off to the underground house. Wendy and Curly followed. Slightly lagged behind to talk to his friend.
"Sorry about what Peter did."
"That's okay, it wasn't your fault"
"You know Tink's going to give you Hell over this."
"I know. I wasn't really going to go through with it, but when I heard him laughing at me I just snapped."
"Slightly understandable. But you should look at the bright side."
"What, that he didn't turn me into a cockroach?"
"No, well yes, but what I meant to say is that at least you're pretty."
He thinks I'm pretty? Rather than get angry like she did at Starkey, Jukes blushed. Seeing the blush, Slightly realized what he had just said and started to blush too. They both stood there, blushing, before bursting out laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
"Thanks cully, I needed that," laughed Billy.
"Anytime." Slightly laughed back.
They continued laughing until a severely unwanted voice was heard.
"Oh beauteous maiiiden!"
Billy ACKed and dove into a bush. She was just finished hiding when Starkey came into the clearing.
"Lost Boy, have you perchance seen a goddess in mortal form who graces Neverland with her very presence."
"Alas, but fear not my sweet. I shall find you." Starkey quickly left to continue his search.
A few minutes later, Billy came out of hiding.
"Tell me he wasn't talking about you."
"Aye, he can't seem to figure out who I am, and I don't want to let him get close enough to tell him."
"Slightly understandable. I'd better get back to the others, before they think you skewered me."
"I'm going to find somewhere to hide. See ya around."
"See ya. Good luck with Starkey."
Nighttime found the pirates onshore looking their two missing crewmembers. Their shouting awoke Billy Jukes, who had climbed a tree to hide from Starkey.
Ug, what am I doing in a tree? And what was causing that horrible dream. Imagine, being turned into a … Billy looked down on him/herself, Damn
"Mr. Jukes! Show yerself or I'll fillet your spleen and feed it to the gulls, you lily-livered scoundrel."
Double damn "Um, coming Captain," the young gunner called, climbing down from her tree.
None of the pirates noticed the change in voice, nor the change in figure, since Billy's back was turned to them as she shimmied down the tree.
The moment she was down, a rough hand grabbed her, whirled her around, and lifted her up by her bandanna.
"And just what were you doing up there, you spineless flounderi...ACK!" Hook had just glimpsed his gunner's new bust line.
"What cozening is this?"
"Pan sir," Jukes explained as she dropped to the ground, "He got a hold of some magic water that turned me into a girl."
"He did WHAT!" cried Mullins as he elbowed his way past Mason and Smee. All he could do was gap at Jukes's new appearance.
"Not anymore" she said, an ironic smile on her lips.
Hook, meanwhile, had regained some composure. "Pray tell ~Ms.~ Jukes, what were you doing in that tree?"
Billy winced at the feminine pre-fix, "Hiding sir"
"Oh goddess of the fair" called the now feared voice of Gentleman Starkey. Billy "Eeeped" and hid behind Mullins. Before anyone could ask what was going on, Starkey stood before them.
"Ignatius Starkey, where in the Devil's name have you been?"
The Gentleman sighed. "On the ship I did perchance to have the honor of beholding the most beautiful girl on earth. I beseeched her, yet she refused me. I have searched for her all day, yet there is no trace. Oh gypsy damsel, where hast thou gone?"
The crew stood speechless, since unlike Starkey, they knew who he was referring to. The carpenter began to chuckle.
"Shaddup Mason" came a very cheesed off voice from behind Mullins.
"My Lady!" Starkey cried. Pushing Mullins aside to embrace her. Unfortunately for him, Billy had just reached her breaking point.
WHAM! BANG! CRASH! POW!
As Billy beat the living daylights out of Starkey, Mullins muttered "Gentler sex my Aunt Petunia"
"I'll never tease a girl again" Mason agreed.
It was a quiet row back to the ship, mainly because Starkey was unconscious, Billy was fuming, and no one (not even Hook) wanted to anger that girl.
The pirates got out of the boat and went into the bunkroom. Again no one brought up the idea of different sleeping arrangements for fear of incurring the gypsy girl's wraith.
As Billy walked over to her hammock, she noticed a note on her pillow. She read it, at first getting angrier and angrier, then suddenly whooping in joy and running out of the room. Confused, the other pirates read the note
Dear Mr. /Ms. Jukes
My name is Ju Sen Kyo. I am a magical spirit bound to curse mortals in different realms. Since I couldn't move my springs here, I had to sell my curse. I sold Peter the Nyannichuan that turned you into a girl. I was the one who sold you the Heituennichuan (3) that turned Peter into a pig. To turn back, all you need is warm water.
Ju Sen Kyo
P.S. I couldn't permanently curse Peter, he's too well connected to the magic of Neverland. You, however, will turn into a girl whenever you come in contact with cold water. Sorry.
Mullins turned to Mason. "I don't think he got to the P.S."
Billy was practically skipping down the deck. Finally, he was a boy again! Unfortunately he wasn't watching where he was going and tripped over a bucket of water.
The next day, Peter led an attack on the JR. He had been planning to fight Hook, but a certain pirate had something else in mind…
"You brainless dolt! I'm going to KILL you!!!"
Pan narrowly avoided being skewered on Jukes's sword.
"Why Mr. Jukes, whatever are you so upset about?"
"This is payback for your curse, you little…"
"But the curses are broken, so what are you so upset about?"
As if on cue a large wave came up and splash everyone on the ship. Peter was, of course, fine. But Billy had once again become a well-built girl.
It would have been best for
Peter to leave then. Peter is not known for doing what's best. "So, does this
mean you're going to be the pirates mother?"
With an inarticulate cry, the gypsy chased the eternal youth all over the ship. From above Nibs and Slightly were watching, a large sweatdrop on the temples.
"You know, Jukes is a lot scarier as a girl."
"Slightly true, but you know what? She really is kinda cute"
1) I know it was a washbucket in the comic, but I couldn't see Peter carrying that without spilling it on himself
2) Listen to the man, James
3) Spring of the Drowned Girl and Spring of the Drowned Black Piglet