Disclaimer: Do not insult zee fedora! We do not own 'Chicago', we do not own zee Phantom, so screw you!!!!

Zis story iz Co written by LeLeMusicAngel and CKthePhantomess. We decided on doing this right after we watched Chicago on DVD and when we were REALLY hyper so - yeah that explains this. Ahm ENJOY!

((Scene: The Paris Opera House))

CK: *is looking for her partner in crime* LeLe?? LeLe?! WHERE ARE YOU?!

Voice: Muahahahahahhaha.

CK: LeLe I told you, you can't keep trying to drop the chandelier, you KNOW what happened last time.

((Is standing on the chandelier))

LeLe: *whines* But I only got arrested that ONE time, and that was when they actually CAUGHT me!

CK: *glare*

LeLe: Have you got the equipment?? And I don't mean that equipment. .^

((A/N: Think ladies.))

CK: Yeah, I got it. Whaddya need all this stuff for, anyway?

LeLe: Have you got the bag of muffins?

CK: *nods* Blueberry and banana, just like you wanted.

LeLe: *evil sounding* All goes according to plan.....MUAHAHA!!!!!


LeLe: Have you got the script?

CK: *holds up the script to 'Chicago'* Yeah, the guys who run Ambassador Theater are still trying to find me, even though I TOLD them I'd give it back.

LeLe: Silly humans...... They know we won't give it back.

CK: *blink* We won't? And whaddya mean, silly humans? I'M human! *starts crying*

LeLe: XD Gah! Never mind!

Boris should be back with the lights any minute, he had to stop at a local shop.

CK: Am I the ONLY one here without a criminal record????? *sniff* I've always TRIED to be nice!!! AM I the only one???

LeLe: Probably.

*Boris comes back hauling a HUGE sack*


Boris: *falls over* Mommy.....

LeLe: Walk 'em around and water him down.

Random Stable boy: oO;;; Oh.kaaay.*leads Cesar out of the opera house*

LeLe: *slaps forehead* I mean BORIS, not CESAR!

Random Stable boy: *walks Cesar and Boris out of the opera house*

CK: You know, maybe we should get started before the cops find us.

LeLe: Don't worry. I sent the cops on a wild goose chase in Stugartt.


In Stugartt....

*a chipmunk blows up. The cops immediately surround the chipmunk*

Random Cop: DUCK AND COVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Back in Paris...

CK: Should I get us started? You know, with the introduction?

LeLe: Let's not waste any more time. *Gasp* I can't believe I SAID that!

CK: *turns to the readers*

Ladies and gentlemen, and patrons, *cough HACK* you are about to see a story of murder, greed, corruption, violence, exploitation, adultery, and treachery......all the things you hold near and dear to your hearts....

Erik: This sounds familiar.

CK: *to LeLe* Okay, I'm done, you wanna explain what's going on??

LeLe: We're not doing Chicago straight out, we're doing Chicago songs as they come to us.

Erik: *walks up to LeLe* We're getting paid for this, right? Our usual fee?

LeLe: Sure, anything for you, sweetcheeks!!!!

Erik: Ahmm, yeah okay. oO; *backs away slowly*

CK: Welcome, one and all ((except YOU, Satan!!)) to Phantom Does Chicago! For our first number, the six merry murderesses and murderers of the Local Paris Jail in their rendition of.... The Cell Block Tango!

Carlotta: *walks out wearing costume* What are these, rags?! This isn't CLOTHING, it barely covers my body!

Audience: *shielding the eyes of children, some knowing they'll have nightmares, epileptic fits, etc.*

Piangi: *is looking her up and down* Uuuwww baby!

Meg: *whimpering* Mommy.

Mme. Giry: *is trying to cover Meg's eyes* Shield your eyes Meg, for your own safety SHIELD 'EM!

Erik: HO-LEE..........

CK: START THE STORY!!! MY EYES, MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LeLe: *praying* I promise I'll be good, I promise I won't try the chandelier thing!!! I promise I'll pay the cast their usual fee!!! I promise I won't steal Boris anymore!!!! Just end this NIGHTMARE!!!


*Carlotta is covered in non-revealing clothing*

CK: O_O It WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *holding up finger, like, as in, 'Ta-da'!*

LeLe: Okay, Cell Block Tango.......


*music starts*

Andre: Croak.

Raoul: Six.

Erik: Crash.

Nadir: Uh-uh.

Firmin: Palais-Garnier.

Carlotta: Ubaldo.

*music quickens*

Andre: Croak.

Raoul: Six.

Erik: Crash.

Nadir: Uh-uh.

Firmin: Palais-Garnier.

Carlotta: Ubaldo.

Andre: Croak.

Raoul: Six.

Erik: Crash.

Nadir: Uh-uh.

Firmin: Palais-Garnier.

Carlotta: Ubaldo.

Everyone: They had it comin'!!!!

They had it comin'!!!

They only had themselves to blame!!!

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

Erik: I betcha you would've done the same!!!!

Andre: Croak.

Raoul: Six.

Erik: Crash.

Nadir: Uh-uh.

Firmin: Palais-Garnier.

Carlotta: Ubaldo

Andre: *walks out into the spotlight with Carlotta*

*dances with her* (or as close to dancing as you can get)

You know how opera singers have these little habits that get you down?

Like Carlotta. Carlotta liked to sing high notes.

No, not sing....CROAK high notes.

So I go to work this one day and I am really irritated 'cause I saw Firmin sleeping with another guy

CK/LeLe/Other phans: I KNEW IT!

And I'm looking for a little sympathy. And there's Carlotta, practicing her scales, and singing. No, not singing....CROAKING.

So I said to her....I said, "Carlotta...you caterwaul like that ONE MORE TIME!!!!

And she did. *laughs*

So I took the beebee gun off the wall and I fired two warning shots.

*pulls a green sash out of her hair*

Into her head!!!

*shows off the sash - it has a frog emblem on it*

Everyone: She had it comin'!!!!

She had it comin'!!!

She only had herself to blame!!!

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you woulda done the same!!!!

*Andre and Carlotta go off dancing*

*Carlotta keeps stepping on his toes and breaking his feet*

Andre: . *under his breath* Why me?

*Raoul is blissfully unaware that he's up next, and LeLe runs out to smack him upside the to jump start his brain*

Raoul: *blink* Oh, yeah!!!!

Audience: Puh-lease! T_T

Raoul: *starts dancing with Christine*

I met Christine Daae in Paris about ten years ago. And she told me she was single, and we hit it off right away. So we started seeing eachother. She'd go to work at the opera house, she'd come home, I'd mix her a drink, we'd have dinner. It was like heaven in two-hundred rooms. And then I found out.

*Pushes Christine onto the floor*

Christine: Watch it Foppy!

Raoul: *doesn't hear her* SINGLE, she told me? Single my rich ass!!! Not only was she dating someone else....

*tries to do a split, but he only gets down half-way, hurting his crotch*

*in a really high-pitched voice* Oh no, she spent her weekends underground with an opera ghost. One of those "tall, dark, and handsome" guys, you know? So that night when she came home, I mixed her a drink as usual.

*kisses Christine*

Christine: AUGH garlic breath!

*Pulls Christine's red scarf out of her mouth* You know, some girls just can't hold their arsenic?

Random Christine fans: *pity her for getting kissed by Raoul*

*Andre and Carlotta dance together, and so do Raoul and Christine*

Christine: *is noticing Raoul trying to feel her up* Don't you DARE get all cozy on me!

Raoul: Aw daggot!

Everyone: HAH!!

She had it comin'!!!

She had it comin'!!!

She took a flower in its prime!!!

And then she used it

And she abused it

It was a murder, but not a crime!!!!!

Erik: *walks into spotlight*

*Christine starts dancing with him*

*Raoul goes off to practice blowing his nose*

Random Erik and Christine phans: *fawn, drool, swoon*

Erik and Chrstine: *circling each other *

Erik: Now, I'm sittin' in the parlor, writing 'Don Juan Triumphant', minding my own business, and in storms my girlfriend Christine in a bitchy rage. "You're not the Angel of Music." She says.

Erik phans: *hiss and spit* MROW! *other cat sounds*

Erik: She was CRAZY, and she just kept screaming "YOU'RE NOT THE ANGEL OF MUSIC!!!!"

And then my chandelier fell on her.

My chandelier fell on her TEN TIMES.

*Pulls the Punjab lasso from Christine's stomach*

Everyone else: If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it!!!!

Christine and Erik: *tugging on the Punjab lasso*

*Erik wins, Christine falls down*

Everyone else: I betcha you woulda done the same!!!!!

Nadir: *dancing with random ballerina*

*speaking Persian*

@$%@$%$&^$^%$^%$%#%$$%^R^%$!!!J#(*T*)$%)W#33-3n etc.

(A/N: We really don't know how to speak Persian, nor do we know what the Hungarian says so.DON'T MOCK OUR DIFFERENCES *tear*)

Erik: yeah, but did you do it?

Nadir: Nuh-uh! Not-......guilty!!!!

*pulls a white handkerchief from ballerina's hair*

Firmin: Andre and I used to run this opera-house, and my wife, Mrs. Firmin, used to help us out. Well, this one night in Paris, the ballerinas did twenty ballet tricks in a row: one, two, three, four, five. Splits, spread-eagles, one right after the other. So that night we hung out at my flat, boozing, having a few laughs. And we ran out of wine, so I went out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Andre and Mrs. Firmin, doing number 17, the spread eagle....

*Andre and Mrs. Firmin do the spread eagle*

Phans: *gasp* Firmin and Andre aren't a couple?! (A/N: It's only denial)

Firmin: Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands that I even knew they were dead.

*dances with Mrs. Firmin and Andre*

They had it comin'

They had it comin'

They had it comin'

They had it comin' all along

I didn't do it

But if I'd done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

Carlotta: *arms around Piangi*

I looooooved Ubaldo Piangi........more than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy.......sensitive.....a tenor. But he was troubled. He was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night, looking for himself, and along the way he 'found' Meg, Jammes, Madame Giry,.......and Joseph Buquet. I guess you could say we broke up due to artistic differences. He saw himself as alive.....*pulls a Chihuahua out of his shirt * And I saw him dead!

Chihuahua: Arff?


The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum. bum

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

They had it comin'

They had it comin'

They had it comin' all along

'Cause if they used us

And they abused us

How could you tell us that we were wrong?

They had it comin

They had it comin

They only had themselves to blame

If you'da been there

If you'da seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

You croak like that one more time...

Single my ass..

Ten times!


Number 17, the spread eagle.....

Artistic differences....

I betcha you would have done the same!

Mme. Giry: Never have I seen such dancing.and costumes. O_O

A/N: That's all we really had time for, maybe we'll update in zee future, for now please review and if you are nice then you can have some banana and blueberry muffins KAY?

Tata, CkthePhantomess LeLeMusicAngel