A meeting with Death

Warnings/notes : oocness, slightly weird/silly (aka my attempt at humor ^^;), bits of language

Disclaimer : I don't own Hellsing. This version of Death is based on Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, which are many times more funny, wonderful and imaginative than any fic of mine will ever be.

written at 24th august 2003, by Misura

Key : in the novels Death speaks in HOLLOW CAPITALS, here he does it in italics


"I do not like people mocking me." Death informed him.

"Neither do I." Alucard replied.

"You do not understand me."

"Why would I bother trying to?" Alucard would really prefer to get this over with, rather than being sujected to another list of things that were bad about the other's job.

Death considered this question for a while. "Because you owe me something?"

"I don't owe you anything." Alucard retorted.

"Not yet." Death sounded pensive. "But if I were to grant your earlier request, you would."

"You will give me back my existence - " he couldn't very well call it life " - in exchange for ... ?"

"A listening ear. You seem to have spent more time in this place than most others I have encountered so far. It would be ... agreeable to be able to talk to someone like that at times, someone who holds a greater vision than a single century."

"I do have a job you know."

Death inclined his head. "I am aware of that. Yet surely there are also hours you are free of any other obligations to other mortals?"

Alucard had to admit there were ; only yesterday he had remarked to Seras how much of his life consisted of being bored.

"Do you agree to my proposal? I have an urgent matter to attend to in a few more minutes, and I hate to be late for appointments."

"I accept your proposal." What did he have to lose? Except, perhaps, his sanity.

"Excellent." Death snapped his bony fingers and Alucard felt himself being drawn back to his body. "Until we meet again then."


" ... and that's why all girls will want to date me now!" 'Billy' the self-proclaimed vampire-slayer ended his triumphant speech. "But I'll only go out with the pretty ones." he added as an afterthought.

"That sounds reasonable, if a little idealistic." Alucard remarked pleasantly.

'Billy' shrieked.

"You broke my sunglasses." Alucard picked them up, eyeing them sadly.

"S-sorry. I mean, no, wait, you're *dead*!"

"And so I have been for the past few centuries. That doesn't mean you have any right to be rude towards me." Alucard stated coolly.

"I ... you ... "

Alucard sighed. "Not very heroic, fainting on one's supposed defeated enemy. Ah well, he wasn't much of a hero anyway."


"You are late."

"There were some complications I didn't expect."

Integral's eyes narrowed, though she didn't voice the question in them.

Which gave him a perfect excuse not to answer it. She wouldn't believe him anyway.

"Master! You are all right! I was worried." Seras looked happier than he had seen her in quite some time.

"You had no reason to. It was, after all, a beautiful night."

"But I felt - "

"As you can see, I have come to no harm." he interrupted her. "There is no reason to discuss it further."

She nodded obediently and followed him back to Hellsing, while Alucard firmly crushed his impulse to sigh with relief at being back here.