Neil's Lament

Of my most beloved RPG character, a Bone Gnawer Philodox who by all rights should have been a Galliard, and his struggles with society and himself . With thanks to Cat Faber, whose beautiful Werewolf song "The Least of My Kind" inspired me a great deal in writing this.

I've walked this road a year and more, don't think I see the end

I'm no closer to an insight, I don't better understand

I'm no better for my wanderings, nor for leaving home behind –

My songs, though, they get better as I go on, running blind

There's so much I left undone and so much more I left unsaid

For the loved ones I have living – and more yet, to those the dead

I might turn back, if I still could, but now it's been too long

I've got nothing but my voice, my old guitar, and some sad songs –

So I sing of how I'm sorry for not being what I ought

For all the battles lost, and those I left not to be fought

For the home that needed more than everything I had to give

For the friends I loved and failed when they all so deserved to live –

I'm sorry for the wisdom that I hadn't from the start

For the dreams I should have left behind before they fell apart

And more than all of that, perhaps, I think it goes unsaid

That I'm sorry for my singing – but it's all I ever had

But my singing was the rock that I could cling to when I hurt

And the single shining treasure I had with me in the dirt

And the life I always dreamed of when my real one proved too tough

At all the times I needed hope my singing was enough

And now along this endless road I'm singing as I go

Broken, lonely and defeated, I walk on, because I know –

My singing's why I walk this road, if I survive through everything

Perhaps I'll even find a 'me' behind those notes I sing

~~ End ~~