Title: Not As Happy As I Seem

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Angst

Main Character: Anzu

Parings: None Really.mentioned Anzu/Scott (OC)

Chapters: One-Shot

Hey everybody!

Though I don't like Anzu, I wrote this story about her, and it's very pathetic. So please bear with me, please.

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Anzu's POV

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I stood in my bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror. I glared at it, but it only reflected what I did not want to see.

"I'm hideous." I frowned and quickly looked away in disgust.

Walking into my room, I plopped down on my bed and started at my ceiling.

"No wonder Scott doesn't like me." I said, turning on my side, resting my head on my arm.

Scott and I had been going out for almost 5 months. Yet we haven't got on a date or even kissed once. My friends think I am happy. Hell, everyone thinks I'm happy. Every forced smile or happy giggle was all fake. It started maybe a month after I started going out with Scott. No one would believe me even if I told them I was faking it.

My friends tease us about me and Scott being boyfriend and girlfriend, thinking we are happy together.

But no.

Scott talks to everybody but me. He even talked to Ashley and picks on Sarah more then he even glances at me. That sounds selfish, but I can't help it.

Feeling tears gather behind my eyes, I quickly sat up and stood. Walking over to my mirror, I looked at myself in my dark green baggy pants and overly large black t-shirt.

Slowly I took off my t-shirt and dropped it onto the floor, staring at myself in disgust.

Fat and ugly are the only words that pop into my head. Tears started to build up and started to leak at the corners of my eyes.

No wonder Scott never even looked at me. But then, why did he ask me to be his girlfriend? I was stupid to accept. Guys usually tease me about that. Always yelling, "Will you go out with me?" and I'd always glare and reply, 'no'. But, with Scott, I didn't think. He wasn't popular and neither was I. I liked him for a while before he asked me to be his girlfriend.

And being blinded my joy, I didn't even think about it. I said yes, and I didn't think.

Could it have been a joke?

A bet?

Well, if it's a joke; I hope he's laughing.

If it's a bet, I hope he won.

I hope he's happy with what he's doing to me, because I feel used and ugly.

How could anyone, in their right minds, like me?

I closed my eyes and let my tears slide down my face.

Bending down to pick up my shirt, I put it back on and walked over to my nightstand. Picking up a small tin, I opened it up and took out a small piece of a broken CD.

Sitting the box down, I sat on my bed. Holding out my arm I started trying to cut myself with it.

I've done this for a few months, trying to make myself bleed with little pain.

Looking at my arm, I saw little welts start to appear.

Smiling sadly, I put the CD piece away and laid down on my bed.

I wish I could commit suicide, but I'm too afraid. So I do this instead.

After wards, I think.

I think about death and if anybody would miss me. If Scott would even flinch after hearing about my death. Would he care? Would others care?

I don't think they would. But it's worth a thought.

I smiled sadly and flipped over to lay in my stomach, crossing my arms on my pillow and resting my head on my arms.

Suddenly, a phone conversation with one of my friends, Stephanie, popped into my head. She and Scott's big sister, Molly, had a conversation about Scott and me. Stephanie said that Molly thought I was a really nice and happy person.

If only.

If only they knew about what happens behind my room door.

Then they'd all realize.

I reached over to my light and turned it off.

Then they'd realize that I'm not as happy as I may seem.