Close your eyes (don't let you catch me)
Summary: When something feels so suffocatingly right, is that when you leave it all? Is that when you cheat the ones that care the most?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and Michael.
This was like a tickle in my throat that I couldn't quite get away. It has been a year and a few months since I posted a chapter, and it has felt like decades. My writing style is almost black to white in contrast to the first chapter of this story, and I guess I'm still trying to embrace this sort of writing. (You may find it crap)
Im tending to write with a simple chain of thoughts that keep going, and I'm not sure that it works especially well. It's been so long that I'm not sure where I wished to go with this fic when I first started. But I do know that James and Lily always needed to make it work by realizing that they couldn't be petty, and they couldn't have trust that is only trust when it works in their favour. I hope I shed some light on that, but ultimately, I hope you don't think this is dreadful. I wanted to end this in the same way that I began it, with a little light heartedness, because I tend to dwell a little on extreme emotions.
Thank you so much, even if you hate it
It had reached the point that it no longer hurt, no longer burnt away at her skin as if searing against a hot flame… just as the snow outside had melted away, time had hardened her inside- was numbed, broken into a thousand shards of ice. The sun would gradually creep its way back to the drudgery sky, and the pain would one day fade away to nothing but a scar. Isolation had torn away everything she once believed she wanted and barred her to the whole world, called out to the vastness and brutally exposed all that was left.
She was nothing.
With that cheer realization that she couldn't function, couldn't think and couldn't breathe without him…anything hurt more than the knowledge that she lost him. That chance, that one chance. Slipped through her fingers and her! Without the insight to the tunnel of regret.
Lily no longer felt sad, no longer felt the familiar aching tears blaze against her cheeks, the wound no longer throbbed against her heart with a stealthy rhythm that refused her rest.
I didn't think it were possible, but somehow he has found his way back into my thoughts. I didn't think I could stand his heavy weight… he has crept into my consciousness.
It does not surprise me to whisper this to myself. He never left me.
Her face glowed against the heat of the fire, against her auburn hair her skin seemed ablaze with light, with beauty and strength. Despite the glow of the hearth, she shivers, turns her face from the flame and clenches her eyes shut.
What can I say? How can I possibly know, understand?
She turns her head to look at me; staring through me- her beautiful green eyes hollow and dark. As if a shadowy glaze had been painted across her, she lowers her fix in gentle allowance…
Gradually the people filter out of the Common room, whispering and talking amongst themselves, their shadows play a gentle havoc against the tall stone walls.
The fire burns down to the final coals, glowing sadly in the last moments the light seems to cry and moan against the pressure of the darkness.
His voice breaks against the darkness, "Lily…"
She turns her eyes to him, searching his face for anything, any sign…
Her heart beating faster, she speaks, her words crackling like the coals spitting at the ash, "James, I need you to forgive me…I need, I need you to understand-"
"Lily you don't need me to forgive you, -"
As if his words broke her prejudice,
"I love you…Nothing else makes sense…Nothing else is certain right now…all I know is that I-"
His lips were on her's before she could utter another word; she pushed against him and felt the familiar strength of his kiss. He felt her tears spoil against her cheek, running against her skin on onto his with stealthy penitence.
He cradled her head in his hands, rubbing her cheek softly with his thumb his eyes searched,
"What are we Lily? When I can't listen to you…when I expect the worst…I didn't listen to you when you told me Michael was nothing."
Her face softened with his words, "We're young, we're learning James, aren't we? Cant we just, stop for a second and just…take control of everything?"
Smiling, "No, but we have this, this knowledge don't we? This- "he swallowed, "-love. Making this…what the hell is this? Fucking overflow of passion is what it is…try and let it work? Let it be whatever it had the possibility of becoming?"
She leaned her face into his neck and held it there, her hair fell across his shoulder, her heart slows as she breathed into him, feeling as though the air had escaped from her chest and all that she could feel was the overwhelming feeling of a beginning.
A true beginning.
She was free.
"You idiot! Look what you've done, oh my god, oh my god, what is the time? Shit!"
She desperately pulled her comb through her thick hair, muttering angrily against her breath, her dress lay discarded across the shower curtain; James watched her as he sat proudly on the bathroom counter, grinning madly.
"Quick, oh shit what's the time? Get my dress James, I need you to do the zipper… it gets caught at the bottom bit…Have you ANY idea where my blusher is?"
Swinging his legs gaily off the counter, he thrust the mass of apricot and pink tulle material off the rail and danced it in front of her, "You're going to look like a big, beautiful boiled sweet," he teased her, his eyes dancing with glee, "Now, step in and I'll zip you up."
As she breathed hastily in, she caught her reflection in the mirror and smiled. Really smiled.
Shocking herself a little, a rush of excitement ran through her like a bolt of electricity and she spun on the spot, the thick material dancing about her as if under a spell.
"It's not really all that bad…"
"I'd say your sister's taste gets worse when it progresses to men…"
Slapping him lightly she turned her head, "He's going to be my brother in law in…" she paused to glance at the clock blinking on the microwave, "An hour and twenty five minutes!"
"Another reason never to marry into this family!"
Set on ignoring him she gathered up her skirt into her arms, with a quick morose glance at James' hair rushed out of the room to her shoes.
She felt the warm tingle on the sun against her cheek as she hurried up the path to her sister's wedding. Clouds had slowly filtered away into the sky, leaving the blue that yawned and stretched from its slumber.
It seemed an age since a day as beautiful as this, a day where everything seemed right, so clear and so perfect and so…
James' hand felt for her's as they waited at the front door, and, threading his fingers between, she closed her eyes and imagined life.
With disappointment, with cheating. With pain, with death.
With storm and black cloud.
But with clarity. With James.