Oh my god.

I knew this day would eventually come.

I knew that she would eventually get over me.

I knew the light in her eyes that died the day I broke it off would eventually return.

But that doesn't mean I was prepared.

It doesn't mean that the day she showed me her ring, I didn't go into my room and cry myself to sleep the moment she left.

Because I never even tried to get over her. I knew, no I know I never will. Because I will be in love with her until the day I die.

But Commander Riker of all people...

She's gone out with him on and off with him ever since I met her. I don't know why it surprises me, she has always loved him. Granted it would jump around from romantic to platonic love and then back again faster then I could blink, but marriage to him was the last thing I expected.

God, if I hadn't called off out relationship, I wouldn't be going through this right now. I can't even remember why I broke up with her in the first place.

Oh, wait, yes I can. I was scared of what Jean-Luke and Wesley would think about me being involved with Deanna. But through some miracle, we stayed friends. Though being nothing to her and finding out about them from Jean- Luke would have been less painful, I would never do anything to hurt her. So I'll grin, and bare it, and calm myself by thinking of many different ways Will could die.

Just smile and nod and wish I were dead.