Standard Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing (wish I did), nor do I own the song It's Been Awhile (Staind rocks!) nor do I have any rights to Amy Lee and Evanescence. Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda...

Warning: This is my first Hellsing fic. I recently celebrated my birthday, and my loving husband got the complete Hellsing DVD set for me (he's so sweet!), and I love the characters. Hopefully this attempt isn't too pitiful.

A/N: This is purely based off of the anime, where Alucard showed a lot more... I want to say compassion and understanding towards Seras. When I started this, I had never read the manga... so please do not criticize for my characterizations not being up to par to the manga (I know he's a lot crueler there).

To all who have read this story before: I am so sorry for the delay, but I've been very busy. I went ahead and did a bit of a re-write to help with the flow of the story. I hope you like the changes and hope to update this story more often (sometimes work and school really suck!).

Chapter 1: Introspective Analysis

The streets of London were quiet in the early morning hours. Those that needed to go to work were just rising, oblivious to the activities of the night before. In contrast, those who worked to protect England against the horrors of the undead, the Hellsing Organization, were finally turning in from a long evening of dispatching FREAKS.

Beneath the elegant mansion were a series of tunnels and chambers, once used to imprison and as a place of experimentation. Now these subterranean halls served to house two particularly unique members of this holy order of knights, two members of the undead.

One of these individuals sat alone within his chambers in deep thought while rolling a piece of formerly blessed silver between his fingers, the blessing having been removed at his request so he would have the ability to touch the object without normally resulting burns. If one looked closely, that person could tell it was one of the spent rounds used by the elite member of Hellsing's 'Trash Cleaning' Division. Alucard had never felt the need to keep such trinkets from his kills, but this particular bullet changed his undead existence. This was the bullet that ripped through the lung of Seras Victoria over a year ago and paved the way for her to enter the realm of the undead. He ran one of hands through his raven black hair, moving it out of his eyes, as he reflected the events of the past few months.

In the months that passed since the incident at the Tower of London, there had been an increase in FREAK activity due to two month long incarceration of Sir Integra and the resulting inactivity of Hellsing's troops. The only exceptions to the closure of the organization were that of Alucard and the Police Girl who, unbound by the laws of the living, remained steadfast to Integra's orders of search and destroy. Rebuilding the ranks of Hellsing after Integra's release was proving rather difficult, even with the Queen's exoneration of the Hellsing Organization. Frankly, Alucard enjoyed the added bloodshed he was able to reek upon the unworthy undead of the city, not to mention that these extra missions provided the needed push for his apprentice to come to terms with what she was. The Police Girl had been steadily improving since the encounter with Incognito and showed much promise to becoming the 'No Life Queen' that he envisioned.

As Alucard's thoughts focused further on the young blonde vampire, he reached over to a stereo system located on a table next to his coffin, and the room filled with the soft plucking of guitar strings. He closed his eyes momentarily as the song brought forth visions and memories of the young vampire in his charge. Alucard began softly singing along with the lyrics while he continued to finger the piece of silver in his hand.

"It's been awhile since I could hold my head up high,

And it's been awhile since I first saw you."

Alucard smiled as he remembered their first encounter outside the village of Cheddar, her sparkling blue eyes widening in shock when he dispatched that ghoul, and her subsequently shooting him in the shoulder when she realized that he was not human.

"And it's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again,

And it's been awhile since I could call you.

"And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that are rendered

I've stretched myself beyond my means.

"It's been awhile since I could say I wasn't addicted

And it's been awhile since I could say I love myself as well

And it's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do

And it's been awhile but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you."

He closed his eyes once more as he remembered Seras rushing to bring him more ammunition during his fight with Incognito and how she refused to leave him on the Tower's floor as her lifeblood flowed from her wounds, clutching him tightly in her arms.

"And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that are rendered

I've gone and fucked things up again.

"Why must I feel this way?

Just make this go away

Just one more peaceful day."

Visions of Seras' face flashed before him... her looking up to him for approval or in admiration. Her innocence and trust were extremely rare qualities in the world of death and carnage they lived in.

"It's been awhile since I could look at myself straight

And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry

And it's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face

And it's been awhile but I can still remember just the way you taste."

A rare tender smile crossed his face as he remembered how the light of the moon and the few still burning candles illuminated Seras' beautiful features the night he changed her. He licked his lips at the thought of his fangs breaking the skin of her delicate neck and the remembered taste of her sweet, warm blood filling his mouth.

"And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem to me I know it's me,

I cannot blame this on my father

He did the best he could for me.

"It's been awhile since I could hold my head up high,

And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry," Alucard whispered the final phrase of the song.

The No Life King reached for his meal in the ice bucket and then poured a portion of the blood pack into an awaiting wineglass. As he took a drink, Alucard reflected on how much his lonely existence had changed since the introduction of the Police Girl. Human emotions that he thought had been buried forever began to bubble back towards the surface, and so alien were these feelings that the master vampire was utterly confused on how to respond. He felt something similar when Integra awakened him over a decade ago, the need to protect his master from harm. Over time that need was forged into that of a sibling bond, he acting as an older brother to watch over as well as antagonize his younger, spoiled sister. After bringing Seras into the world of the undead, Alucard felt that same need towards the young vampire, only it ran much deeper than anything he felt for his master or any of the few fledglings he had sired over the centuries… not since Mina.

Seras had stirred a wealth of emotions within his soul with her optimistic outlook on life. Although it was shadowed for quite some time until she accepted her status as a vampire, her defiance to his orders to drink blood for the first month or so of existence, and the look of irritation in her eyes when he called her 'Police Girl'. She was a bright, sparkling jewel in the dark reality of his un-life that he wanted to treasure and protect... to feel her body safely cradled in his arms... to run his fingers through her soft strawberry-blonde locks...

Alucard's crimson eyes grew wide when he realized where his train of thought was leading him. He slowly set his glass down on the table with trembling fingers as the realization dawned upon him. "H-How... I didn't believe it possible... I... I love her," he whispered. Alucard's gloved hand went to his forehead in total shock and disbelief; he had given up the entire notion of love after his initial capture by Integra's ancestor and had resigned himself to his solitary existence in the service of the Hellsing Organization. The No Life King removed his hand from his face and stared at the sigils on the back of his glove. "There is no possibility she could ever feel anything for such an inhuman being," he smirked. "More than likely, she only sees me as an unfeeling monster... only the master she must serve." Alucard exhaled sharply through his nose, and with a thoughtful expression, fazed his body out of existence.

A slightly damp Seras Victoria, dressed only in her nightgown and robe, closed the door to her chambers having just returned from the shower. She automatically hit the button on her CD player and the room filled with the melodic and haunting voice of Amy Lee as she began to put away her toiletries and clothes. When she opened her drawers to remove her clothes for the next evening, Seras stumbled upon a rather large and worn-out sketchbook. "I haven't messed with this thing for a while," she muttered as she flipped through the various pages.

With a grin Seras found a pencil on her desk and relaxed on her bed with the book in hand. She rarely had a chance to draw as of late, her time being occupied the duties she was expected to perform, eliminate FREAKS and ghouls. Once again, Seras glanced through the pages of art she created since her transfer to the Hellsing Organization. There was one of Walter with his 'lethal dental floss', as she liked to call it, stretched between his hands, another of Sir Integra sitting at her desk in deep contemplation with a cigar in hand, and another of her former commander, Peter Ferguson, looking off in the distance, his head held high with pride. The majority of her drawings, however, seemed to center around a certain individual. A face she had memorized every detail, one that she yearned to look towards her with love and compassion instead of amusement or worse... disappointment, the face of her master, Alucard.

Seras tapped her pencil against the sketchbook's edge as she reluctantly sipped from her blood pack. She had finally accepted the part of her that needed blood but on occasion still tried to avoid the matter, mostly on nights that involved the deaths of young children. It sometimes still took prodding from Walter or Alucard to get her to drink her daily ration, but she grudgingly began to do it on her own. As she swallowed, an idea dawned in her mind for her next artistic venture, and Seras began to sketch out the familiar figure of her master on the blank sheet.

Seras' brow furrowed in concentration as she formed the lines of his face, taking great care to capture emotion within his eyes. For an hour and a half, she did not let her pencil leave the paper, the graphite translating the vision within her head into being. As a finishing touch, Seras signed and dated her work. She smiled as she traced the figure on the paper with her finger. "Good night, my master," she whispered softly as she set the book on her nightstand and lay down to her daily rest.

As the coffin lid closed with the coming of the dawn, a dark shadow formed and then melted into shades of deep red. Alucard stood still for a moment and then reached for her sketchbook. Never before had he seen such a realistic and detailed drawing up close, and what helped to perplex the master vampire was that the picture was of him. Alucard had stayed invisible when he saw the Police Girl begin to draw, not wanting to break the careful concentration she was displaying. The final picture showed Alucard sitting on a desk with his right foot setting on the desk surface while his left hung down touching the floor. His sunglasses, hat, and coat sat on the desk behind him, and his tie flowed freely, undone from its usual bow, framing the open buttons of his shirt. His left arm rested on his left leg while his right was propped upon his bent knee, and in that gloved hand, he held a single rose.

"I never knew she could do this," Alucard said quietly as he flipped through the pages of the book. Her vampiric abilities allowed her to render details that the best human artists could only hope to achieve, especially with the short amount of time devoted to each drawing. That was when he noticed something a bit odd. He noticed that the vast majority of the drawings there were of him. "She couldn't possibly..."