All right, I am bored and so am attempting to write a LOTR epic comedic poem!

I own nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.


Some elves got this idea one day

To make some purty rings

They were shiny and so purty

Really wonderful things

There were three rings for the elven-folk

The dwarves were given seven

Mortal men got nine

(they'd broken two - it *was* eleven)

But this bad-ass guy named Sauron

Planned to make one for himself,

So he stole ring-making secrets

From a not-too-clever elf.

He made the ring in Mordor

In the fires of Mount Doom,

Where there's lots of smoke and lava

And volcanoes all go BOOM!

The ring was really evil;

It made lots of people die.

Its power could not be undone,

But some decided to try.

A bunch of men and elves

Marched to Sauron's own front door

Singing, "Your ring is way evil;

We don't like you anymore!"

Then they shot a bunch of arrows!

Every man and every elf

Killed a bunch of orcs. Since Sauron

Wouldn't come and fight himself

The big pansy. Then he DID come out

With a way big axe.

And then he found the king,

And he dealt him forty whacks!

Isildur did not like this,

Since the king was his dad.

He knelt beside his father's corpse

And started to get mad.

He picked up his father's sword

But then Sauron broke it.

But Isildur had a mind

And this is how he spoke it:

"Sauron, you reign is at an end!"

Isildur loudly cried.

Then he chopped the tyrant's hand right off!

Sauron blew up and died.

Well, it turns out that he did not die

Since to the ring he was bound.

And that dumb Isildur took it.

Until one day he was found

By a bunch of evil orcs

Who decided to attack.

Isildur tried to swim away.

They shot him in the back.

The ring sank in the water

And the film score turned real solemn.

It sat there for a thousand years

Till it was found by Gollum.

He took it in some caves

Where he liked to sit and stroke it

And then a hobbit came along

And Gollum wished to choke it

And eat it all right up.

But Bilbo Baggins had his Sting

They had a riddle match

Then Bilbo booked it with the ring.

Bilbo thought that it was just a ring

In truth there was none greater.

He took it home, which brings us

To the Shire, sixty years later.


Heh heh heh. What do you think? Worth continuing? Review and let me know!