Hmmm I feel like updating this for some reason.

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, and I don't own the concept of poetry. If this comes as a surprise to anyone, go to the nearest asylum and turn yourself in. They will know what to do with you there.


Bilbo opened up the door

And gasped at who he saw.

"My dear Gandalf!" he cried out

As he munched a carrot, raw.

"If it isn't Bilbo Baggins!"

With a twinkle in his eye

Gandalf kneeled down and gave a hug

To the little guy.

Then the wizard peered at him

And grumbled to himself,

"You're really old, but you look younger,

Kind of like an elf."

Bilbo just grinned at his friend

And led him through the door.

He took his staff and hat away

Then down the hall he tore.

"Do you want some food or alcohol?"

The little hobbit cried.

"I've got eggs and tea and stuff

in my pantry, inside!"

"I'll just have some tea, thank you,"

The old gray wizard said.

Then he tried to turn around

And smacked his old gray head

On the ceiling. And he groaned in pain

And rubbed his sore head where

He hit the wood, but since he's nice,

He didn't curse or swear.

"Do you mind if I stuff my face?"

Bilbo muttered through his food.

"Looks like you're eating anyway,"

Gandalf grumbled, in a mood.

Suddenly there was a knocking

On the hobbit's door

"I know you're in there!" someone screamed

and Bilbo softly swore.

"It is those Sackville-Bagginses!

They always give me crap!

They're all upset I haven't died

And interrupt my naps!

I have to get away from them!

I'm going on a trip.

I'll go off to where I won't

Have to deal with this ship!"

"Frodo knows you're up to stuff,"

Gandalf pointed out.

"You know he's very fond of you;

if you run off, he'll pout,

and then I'll have to listen to him whine

till I'm about to scream!"

"He'd come with if I asked him,

but to me that doesn't seem

to be the best idea,"

Bilbo said with a shrug.

"I think Frodo still likes it here.

He'd hate it if I drug

Him off." "It's dragged,"

Gandalf muttered with a frown.

"At least use proper tenses,

You vocabulary clown!"

"Well, the point is that I'm out of here,"

Bilbo said, in a huff.

"I'm leaving and I won't come back!

There, is that enough?"

"No need to get pissed off,"

Gandalf said, and passed the kettle.

"There's nothing going on here

that Old Toby wouldn't settle."

So they went and sat outside,

Smoking pipe-weed if I may

Interrupt the flow just briefly

I would only like to say

That doing drugs is very wrong

And weed I don't condone!

So if you DO pick up the habit,

You'd better leave me alone

Because I will not take the blame for it!

And now, that being said,

Let's return to our two old friends

Blowing smoke rings 'round their heads.

Bilbo blew a smoke ring

And it grew as it did float

Then Gandalf thought he would show off

So HE blew a smoke BOAT.

"That was pretty neat,"

Bilbo said. "And you can bet

That my birthday party will become

A night few will forget!"


WHEW! I know it's been forever since I updated, so I made this chapter a nice long one!

LegyLuva: Glad you liked the disclaimers! I had fun writing them. ^_^ And this is probably at the bottom of my list when it comes to importance with my current works-in-progress, but I figured I'd update again because I was suddenly getting reviews. Thanks a ton!

Liliac of the Purple Cloak: Wow! I'm so glad that ISPCE celebrities are reading my fics, hehehe! I'm very glad you like it!

Lady of Imladris: Yay! You came! Glad you liked it!! And your most welcome for the reviews; your fic is hysterical! I hope you update it soon!!

Mandi: Wow, thanks! Sure, you can touch the cutout better yet, here! Touch the REAL Legolas!

Legolas: What?!

Platy: Oh come on, Leggy, be a sport!

Legolas: (sighs heavily) FINE man, when we get to me in this thing, you better be singing my praises.

Platy: You just better cooperate, or else when we get to you, I'll kill you off!

Legolas: (gasps) You wouldn't!

Platy: Well, maybe not but I WOULD dress you up in drag.

Legolas: (turns white) Fine! Touch me, Mandi!

Platy: Wow you won't hear THAT coming out of his mouth too often, Mandi. Better seize the opportunity!

jackaragornandorliareMINE: Now, now, it's always nice to share! ;-) You'll like college. And you'll hear that you'll like college from a lot of people. And they're right! :P

plum jam: Yay! Another cult fan! :D Glad you liked both chapters so far! I think this one is my best yet, but that may just be because it's the longest. ;-)

mIsUnDeRsToOdGnOmE: Your name never gets any easier to type, you know that? Thanks a bunch!

Phaidra: I don't know how I do it (shrugs) But hey, YOU just did! Rhyme all the time! You're a poet and you didn't even know it! :-P Thanks a bunch, both for your reviews and for your advertising, hehehe!

Elfstone: I got caught up with other things, I guess. But I will be updating it occasionally! Glad you like it!

Michelle Frodo: Hee well, it's been over two months since you commanded me sorry about that. But I DID update! Wow, glad you enjoyed it so much! :D I love making people laugh!

Plasmolysed Cell Membrane: Glad you think it's cool but I think your penname is cooler by far, hehehehe!

GamgeeFest: Ooh, Dante! I got to read him! Maybe I should try writing it in that freaky three-line rhyme scheme thing he does. Nah too much work. ;-) Thanks loads!

ElvenPirate41: Well, how else was I supposed to rhyme "hobbit?" :P And Sauron IS a pansy. Thanks!

Nagging Parent: I love you, mom. (gulps nervously)

KochanMikono: hehehe thanks! That is a compliment, right?

Skimbleshanks, the Railway Cat: Thanks! It'll just have to do until they make it a musical. ;-)

Pointy Ears Are My Thing: Wow, three times?! I've only read it once, because I had to but I would like to read it again. You just can't enjoy it fully if it's forced. I liked the Iliad, though. I'll try to do the whole story it would certainly take a long time, though! And it's okay, because I have the same sign as Elijah Wood. ^_^

Window Girl: Thanks! No, I don't but if whoever does own it was willing to just give it to me for free, I wouldn't say no! ;-)

Kaihawk: Thanks! And I did!

SoCruel: Wee! Thanks!

HannahBanana:D: Wow, thanks a ton! (blushes) I don't know how I can do it, either. Oh, well. As long as it gets done. :D

Megan Sleevewillow: Thanks a bunch, Megan! And you don't have to write poetry when you can write hysterical parodies! :P

szhismine: Aw, thanks! Um define "soon"

ElvishNature: Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. ;-) If you want, you can touch the real Legolas with all of your fingers as soon as Mandi is done with him (looks around) Where the heck did they go? Ooh, a POTC poem! Har! If I ever get everything else wrapped up, I sure will! Can I have the plushie now? (Bambi eyes) You can't compare me to the inventor of marshmallows! That's like blasphemy or something! Hehehe, thanks a bunch! You flatter me terribly!

chai latte: yeah, I know it'll take forever and a day. Maybe this can be my life project! Or maybe I'll just work on it a lot over the summer. Glad you like it! Thanks a bunch!

Kath: KATH! WOOT! WE ARE SO GOING TO DULUTH! And what's wrong with ripping off of Ozymandias? Maybe people will read this, think, "Oh, Ozymandias, who the fork is that?" And look up the poem and become I dunno more educated and worldly or something.

Aindel S Druida: I would get a boyfriend, but after watching all of my friends here endure near-lethal levels of angst, I'm in no hurry. And this IS my hobby! :-P Huzzah for being nutty!

Elderberry: Rhymes are the best! Though solemn-Gollum took me a while.

Yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds: Well, thanks for saying that! :-) Hope you liked this chapter!

Lifidia: Want the real Legolas instead? You'll have to wait until Mandi and Elvishnature are done with him, though and that might be a while. ;-)

Woohoo! Lots of reviews! 34, I believe! Wow! Wow! You are all the best!