The Darkness of Harry Potter

A/N: Ok, this was inspired by a fic by Polkat called "Tom Riddle and the Fall To Power" which is very good and basically follows him from the orphanage and to Hogwarts. I noticed in her story some similarities to Harry and thought, well, if Tom can go evil, what are Harry's chances of staying pure and innocent his whole life? Coupled with the anger he shows in OotP, I think it's quite likely he'll go off the rails at some point. The question is, will his loyal friends be able to steer him back on track?

This story begins in Harry's seventh year, and it contains slash. I'm not saying who yet, but you've been warned.


It should have been a perfect situation, waking up after a long lie in to find breakfast ready, but Harry felt just as bitter as he had the night before. He really, really didn't want to go downstairs, but he was meeting Ron and Hermione in two hours and he'd have to face his guardian, Remus Lupin, at some point. With a world-weary sigh, he climbed out of bed and got dressed very slowly. He had clothes which fit him now, even if some of them were second hand. Remus didn't have a lot of money, but he took better care of Harry than the Dursleys had. Or at least, he had always taken good care of Harry until last night. The memory of it stung like a fresh would in Harry's heart, and he muttered into the silent room, "how could he? How could he?"

Eventually he couldn't delay things any longer. He left his room, passed Remus' own with it's dozens of locks, and padded as slowly as he could downstairs. He peered into each downstairs room as he passed, bathroom, living room, dining room, but there was nobody there. Remus was in the kitchen, whistling as he made breakfast. They seemed to be entirely alone in the house.

"Good morning, Harry," said Remus, his voice as bright as ever, but Harry could see in his eyes the look of guilt and, oddly enough, wariness. Remus was nervous? Harry didn't reply but accepted the plate of bacon and eggs which was placed in front of him. He ate in silence, so did Remus. Only after the werewolf had collected up their plates and began to wash up, did he speak.

"So, Harry. . . Where are you meeting your friends?"

Harry glared at the back of Remus' head as he watched his guardian wash up. "I invited them here. Then we'll go to Diagon Alley."

"Good, you can get your school things. Your envelope arrived this morning." He gestured to the counter where a thick parchment envelope lay. Harry went and picked it up. 'Good,' he thought, glaring at Remus' back again. 'The sooner I go back to school, the sooner I can get away from you and *him*.'

He opened the envelope and pulled out the letters inside. One was the usual reminder that school started on the first of September, the other a new list of books and equipment he would need. The normality and regularity of it spoke volumes to him. He had found himself clinging to all the little consistent things in his life like a drowning man clinging to driftwood. Every year this envelope arrived and he would go and buy everything on the list. So simple and normal. It was almost as if he could forget last night entirely. . .

But he couldn't. Remus was watching him now, and the werewolf cleared his throat.

"Harry, I. . .I know you're angry but. . ."

"I'm not angry," lied Harry, coldly. "You do whatever you want, it's nothing to do with me."

"But it is your concern what I do, the same as it's my concern what you do. We're family, Harry, and -"

"That's right!" Harry interrupted, suddenly unable to control his anger. "That's what you said when Sirius died, isn't it! Dumbledore said I could live with you like I would have done with Sirius and you promised we'd be a proper family! A PROPER FAMILY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE AND YOU'VE RUINED IT!"

Remus' face remained calm as Harry yelled at him, but there was a tiny tremor under his eye which would have betrayed his emotion if Harry had been paying attention. When Harry had finished, Remus took a breath.

"Listen to me now -"

"NO! there you go, talking in that stupid calm voice of yours again, just like you did when Sirius died! You've never cried about him, have you? You've never sat up in bed at night and wished with all your heart he was still here! You NEVER loved him like you say you did because you don't care that he's dead!"

"That's not true," muttered Remus, looking away from the boy.

"It IS true! He's been gone for barely a year and you're acting as if everything's perfectly okay!" Harry's fists clenched, and he knew that if Remus had been stupid enough to move towards him he would have swung for him. "You never loved Sirius," he growled. "Not like I did. You might have pretended you did."

"Enough." Remus moved towards the door, but Harry still had some excess anger left and blocked his path.

"Just admit it! You don't care he's gone."


"I'm not stupid!"

"I know you aren't, Harry, but I won't say I don't care. I do. I cared about Sirius more than anything else and now I care about you. You're my main responsibility and as much of a son as I'll ever have. I'll always care for you, whatever happens. But Sirius was different. We had our time together and I should be grateful for it, but his life is ended, Harry. What am I supposed to do, lock myself away and grow old bitterly with nothing but my grief?"

"Exactly!" Harry screamed. "That's what he would have done for you!"

"No it isn't, you know it isn't!" Remus' face had gone red. He was angry, something Harry had never seen before. In fact, he'd never seen Remus speak with such fierce passion since they had captured Wormtail in Harry's third year. "You never really knew Sirius, Harry, you didn't know him long enough! You didn't go to school with him, and you didn't stand side-by-side with him in the war against Voldemort!" Remus couldn't contain himself any longer, he was shouting now. "All you can see is, your chance of having a guardian who can give you everything you want is gone. Well I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you Harry, but don't ever think I didn't love Sirius! I would have given my life for him! The same as I'd give it for you, although apparently that isn't enough." He pushed Harry aside and went into the sitting room, where he shoved a few things around in a vain effort to tidy up a bit. He was aware of Harry watching him from the kitchen doorway but ignored him until the boy spoke.

"If you loved him, how could you betray him?" Harry said coldly.

"Harry!" Remus shouted. "Sirius is DEAD!"

"Well I'm glad you've come to terms with that so quickly!"

"It was a year ago!" He stopped again. "We all deal with these things in different ways," Remus continued, fighting to regain his calm. "I thought you had moved on too."

"Remus, I wasn't his lover! I've lost my third parent, I'm used to it by now, but you have no excuse! And then you brought that stranger into the house, our house, and -"

"Kail is an old friend of mine and -"

"I don't know him! He's an absolute stranger and you brought him into our house - "

"I wanted you to meet him, that's all!" Remus wailed.

"Well I'm not interested in meeting any stupid replacement for Sirius!"

"I'm not *trying* to replace anyone! Like I said, I've known Kail for a long time."

"Oh yeah? How long have you been sleeping with him, then?" Harry regretted it immediately, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Remus' face went blank and unreadable, and the sudden absence of outward rage let Harry know he'd gone too far. He muttered something which might have been an apology and stormed back upstairs, slamming all the doors he went through behind him.

Remus sighed heavily and sat down, running his fingers through his greying hair. He had never thought being Harry's legal guardian would be so difficult both physically and mentally. Harry was a demanding child now that he was seventeen. Hardly a child in fact, more of a young man. He was taller than Remus, and broader. He looked very much like James, in fact, but Remus was beginning to see how very different Harry was from his father. James had never had all this pent-up anger inside him, never took things out on his friends and loved ones like Harry tended to do. It worried Remus that Harry's temper could, and did, snap at any moment. He had seen even Ron and Hermione become anxious when Harry walked into the room after a bad day, and lately Harry had been scarcely civil to Remus himself, even before the appearance of Kail. It was an utter transformation from the polite boy Remus had met four years ago, and the whole thing mystified him.

However, right now Remus couldn't feel as much sympathy for Harry as he felt he ought to. His feelings had been hurt, this morning and last night when Harry had been so rude to Kail. The suggestion that Remus had never loved Sirius was what cut deep though. Remus caught himself feeling glad that Sirius would never have to see this vicious side to Harry Potter. He had to take his mind of things, so he compulsively tidied up the mess he had made earlier while trying to tidy up, and fought back the tears of frustration.

To Be Continued. . .