Disclaimer: Inuyasha characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Other characters are property of Kidoairaku.

Rating: PG-13 (just in case)

Summary: [Sess/Kag] In the midst of (supposedly) realizing Sesshoumaru was definitely not the one for her, Kagome finds herself caught in a tangled web of emotions while settling their separation, perhaps finding herself to be falling in love with him all over again…

Genre: Drama/Romance

A/N: ^_^ Thanks for the love, people! =) O.o Also, there seem to be an alarming number of people making references to Monty Python…=_= Me, me, all alone thinking it was nearly the dumbest movie in the world. *sigh* Don't hurt me!!! *holds hands up in surrender* And, um, I'm not sending e-mail updates for this one…unless, of course, you happen to be on the kagsess list…or Alyson Metallium's…I think…I'm not sure; I quite a whole bunch of lists because of e-mail cluttering reasons…sorry! =(


Ambivalence


Chapter One: September 9th

August 2003-September 2003

I smiled, running the towel over my collar. "I know what you mean. It's hard to find a private moment these days, since, you know, what with Sesshoumaru being one of those high-class CEOs…" I trailed off, realizing I sounded stuck-up. I couldn't help it, though; it was the truth.

"Go on," Alex urged, waving a hand as if to dispel my unease. "You're not stuck-up. Don't worry."

God, I loved this girl; it was like she could read my thoughts. Granted, it wasn't always the best thing, especially when I didn't want her to be reading my thoughts… Sometimes I wondered if she was psychic…telepathic…one those mind-reading people. She really was an amazing woman.

"Well, there's really nothing more to say," I offered, shrugging. "Another lap?"

She shook her head 'no'. "I think I've had enough for today."

"Okey-dokey; whatever you say. Let's hit the showers then!" I watched for her confirmation and, upon receiving it, flashed another smile and extended my hand. "Ladies first."

My friend rolled her eyes. "Har-har. You know you have quite a bit of refinement yourself, Kagome."

"Not as much as you, though, might I care to point out." She walked past me, and I followed, sliding the glass doors to the pool room shut. Water dripped onto the plush carpeted floor as we walked, staining it with dark chlorine-filled specks.

"Hard to believe, huh?"

I glanced at her curiously, wrapping my towel around me. "What?"

She nudged me suggestively, her periwinkle eyes twinkling. "You managed to snag a husband like Sesshoumaru!"

"So?"

"S-So?!" She sputtered, stepping back in disbelief. "Look at this!" Alex made a wild gesture with her arms, encompassing the air in all directions. "This is his house! It's not even in his country of residence! This is THREE THOUSAND MILES from home!"

"Oh." I made a noncommittal gesture.

Her eyes scoured me skeptically. "Girl, you don't know how lucky you are." Her hand flickered past her ear—a habitual movement, I guess, flipping her hair. Of course, it was a pointless gesture since her auburn hair was plastered to her head.

"Well," I sighed, clasping my hands, "I guess I am lucky. After all, it's not everyday a gorgeous man asks for your hand in marriage." I paused. "Actually…it was more like a demand…"

Alex whistled, nudging me again.

Fighting the urge not to smile, I shot a halfhearted glare at her, blushing. "Believe me, it wasn't so funny at the time. I mean…" I was going into 'ramble mode'. "What kind of guy demands you marry him? Okay, don't answer that. An arrogant one, duh. A confident, spoiled one."

"Oh, I would trade you any day!" she interjected, taking on a dreamy gaze. "To be married to Sesshoumaru…"

"Not on your life!" I retorted, crossing my arms. "I—"

"Is he any good in bed?" she interrupted, looking at me eagerly.

I couldn't tell whether she was joking or not; either way, I blushed, grating her name in a scolding tone.

"Just kidding, just kidding." She held her hands up submissively, turning to open my bathroom door. "He's probably a natural!"

"Alex!"

"Joking!"

I huffed, stalking past her into the immense washroom. Sometimes, I had to think Sesshoumaru really overdid it with the money…this house was probably just as nice, maybe even nicer, than the one he had back home in Japan. Crazy, crazy man.

"You going first or me?" I queried, throwing the towel in the hamper. I knew Alex didn't particularly like to shower in any other bathroom than mine, and I didn't mind.

"Ah, you go ahead, Kagome. I'll hang out in your closet."

I snorted. "Bring me some clothes, won't you?"

"Sure!"

Sighing, I slipped out of my swimsuit and stepped into the shower. Darn, I thought, I forgot to buy more of that special swim shampoo…

When I heard the door click open again, along with the soft thump of clothes dropping, I shouted my thanks to Alex and continued with my showering. Awhile later, the door clicked again, and I assumed my friend had plopped down with a magazine, most likely sitting on the bathroom counter. Sesshou was probably coming home soon…from one of his business meetings…

"Hey Alex, I think you should leave before Sesshou gets home," I called. "He—"

The shower curtain was jerked to the side, and I snapped my head around, instinctively crossing my arms over my chest and stepping back. Thank god, it was only Sesshou. I was about to crack a playful joke when I caught his expression.

He wasn't happy.

I'm sure what he said next was supposed to fly clearly as a demand, but it came off soft and quiet. Even so, I felt somewhat intimidated by him, as if he was threatening me.

"Who's Alex?"

It surprised me. Did he have a problem with Alex? I ticked through a list of traits he wouldn't like, maybe wouldn't approve of, and, finding none too serious, glanced at him questioningly.

"A friend," I answered, perhaps a little defensively.

His eyes narrowed in what I recognized as suspicion. "What kind of friend?"

"Do you have something against Alex?" I snapped, stalking past him for a towel. I heard him turn the water off behind me as I wrapped up in the cloth.

"I want to know who Alex is."

I attempted to calmly dry my hair. "Alex is a friend, I told you!"

"What kind of friend?" he repeated.

Boy, he was really being a bitch about this. Then, it hit me. Alex just happened to be the name of one of his fellow CEOs—a rather flirtatious one at that. No wonder he was suspicious…

In the course of my thought-sorting, he'd grabbed my wrists and forced me against a wall. His grip was definitely not comfortable, and he was invading my bubble, I thought irritably. I suddenly felt the need to egg him on.

"Are you jealous?" I taunted, nonchalantly averting my gaze.

"So what if I was? Would it change your answer?"

I glanced at him askance. He said it all very coolly, as if it didn't matter at all, but that, of course, was belied by the simple fact that he was holding me against the wall for some answers.

"It might," I grinned, turning back to him. It should've helped that my face was lit in humor. Obviously, though, it didn't; he was still staring at me expectantly. What was his deal?

My expression must've dropped; he looked clearly taken aback. "Do you honestly think I'd cheat on you?" I whispered. Did he think me unfaithful? Ungrateful? Untrustworthy? I'd given him my vows… To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…those were the words I lived by… Did he think I would forsake him?

"Do you?" I prompted, gazing at him expectantly.

There seemed to be insecurity flickering around in those exotic eyes of his. He didn't know. He wasn't sure. His hold on my wrists loosened significantly, enough so that I could loop my arms around him. I buried my face in his neck, not caring that I'd gotten his Armani suit wet. "Till death do us part," I murmured.

"Hey Kago—"

Sesshou stiffened at the sound of Alex's voice, and I smiled into the material of his suit. "That's Alex."

"Um," came my friend's voice again, "I'll just…borrow some of your clothes and be on my way then." I heard a nervous chuckle before the door clicked.

"Alex…"

"Yup. Alex." I gave him a reassuring peck on the cheek and excused myself to get dressed. Glancing back, I found him to be looking at me strangely. I couldn't place the look at the time, and, without a second thought, I skipped off to my closet, where Alex was still changing.

***

And I still couldn't place the look. It should've been a happy memory, one of those 'revelation' moments in my married life with Sesshoumaru, but it wasn't. Or rather, it didn't turn out to be. Somehow, I'd managed to build on that…in all the wrong ways.

I knew I was being a complete bitch. It was crystal clear in my eyes. Other people probably didn't have the highest opinion of me anymore, either. Oh, it was like being a teen all over again. All my complaining was making even me sick. I had no idea how Sesshoumaru was putting up with me in the way he did.

The rest of our time spent in California was rather uneventful. We were both quite stand-offish after I found out I was pregnant. Which, I think, was a good thing because it gave me lots of time to cool down. Also, I was beginning to explore the wonderful quirks of expecting; my already sour character was taking another dip. Things like that weren't good for a baby, you know.

Of course, I went on the eating spree. Four to seven meals a day. I was inflating like a balloon. Then again, I guess it made up for everything, since I lost tons of weight before…it just all kinda dropped off…

Oddly enough, in the course of my gestation period, I felt my harsh feelings toward Sesshoumaru ebb away. It seemed only a matter of time that we got back on our relationship track smoothly, and I'd become the Kagome he married once again. After all, taking care of myself had taken more than enough precedence over my 'Find-A-Way-To-Separate-From-Sesshoumaru-Feasibly' idea.

I only hoped all thoughts of it would stay away from me as I attempted to recover my tangled feelings. Undoubtedly, the bulge in my stomach would help me with that…



A/N: In answer to all the people saying it was really unclear…first, I'm really sorry. =( Yes, Kagome is married while we're going along; I understand the POV from which I'm writing can be a little mixed up. And…hm, I don't think I have any particular reasons for their hating one another as of now…it's just…that's the way it is…I'm terribly sorry. =( She's being a bitch, I know…*sigh*

With that business covered, I send kisses to all those who review. *hopeful smile* Please? LOL. =) Thank you for reading!

-kidoairaku