Thanks for the reviews on my first part of Kurt. The episode was so strong and shocking, I needed to do this and add the thoughts. And so here is my next part, Rogue, and the last piece fixated on the Mystique incident as I'm going to call it. For one side of the story, you always need the other. Enjoy


I did it. I killed her.

I didn't. She was already dead, I was just erasing what little of her was left. She was as good as dead.


She had it coming. She never could leave me alone. My mutation was perfect for her uses. I was her constant when I was little; I was the only one who loved her. She was never really there unless she wanted to be. She had her moments though, she really did. But then. there were always times like she was waiting for something to happen, me to become more. I guess she was just waiting for me to grow into my mutation.

Couldn't it be enough that I was her daughter? No, no of course not. I needed to be something for her, a help to her. I was a tool, a means to an end, the solution to a prophecy. Supposedly I'm the prize child, as she's always wanted to draw me to her side. Why?

I don't think of her like Kurt does. God, Kurt was so desperate to save her because she was our mother. She never did anything for us, huh? Except try and kill us every few days, abandon us and then get mad when we became something other than hers. Screw her.

I know you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but really she couldn't love. I'd love to say she could, without putting herself in it, without making it all about her, but she never did. She'd save herself before us, use us for her own ends before she thought of our welfare and if we didn't follow her exactly she'd turn away. Was I supposed to forgive that? Forget that?

Some people may be able to, but I can't.

I was the one who needed to save her. Me. Once again she was in need of my powers to do something she couldn't do herself. My powers would once again become a vehicle for her agenda. Thanks but no thanks. I will not let her use me again, even to save her. Hadn't she violated my powers enough, hadn't I given enough of myself over to her, taken enough from others from her? Why should I have added to my pain to make her come alive?

Kurt hasn't forgiven me. I guess he doesn't really have any reason too. But why couldn't he see that it wouldn't have been any use. She wouldn't have loved him any more than she did yesterday or ten years ago. She still would have left, still would have broken us. And what would he have gotten from that really?

And did it never cross his mind that it would kill me to know that she was running around again, out there to do something else. What it would have been for me to be the one to bring her pack. And it's not like she felt anything when I did what I did. I did him and the world a favor. It only would have caused more pain and destruction with her alive.

I'm not like her, I'm not.

"Rogue?" Kitty's voice came through the doorway, as did her head. "Rogue, are you going to come down to dinner?"

Rogue, while pulled out of her thoughts, didn't turn to look at her roommate. "I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat," Kitty's voice came back, trying to sound stern.

"I don't have to do anything," Rogue muttered, more to herself than to her way to perky roommate.

"We're all here for you Rogue. Just come down when you're ready."

Would she ever be ready to face them all again? Could they ever really look at her as if she weren't a "danger" again? It was honestly safer not to find out.