Hey guys, long time no see. :P
Draco wasn't very keen on Harry's idea of 'help'. To be honest, he wasn't very pleased with the idea of seeking from anyone actually, it wasn't something that came to Malfoy's naturally. Malfoy's helped themselves.
'Oh, stop sulking,' said Harry, tightening his grip of Draco's hand as they walked throw the corridors.
'I'm not sulking. I'm thinking. I'm thinking that this is a very bad idea, James.'
There was a pause.
'I…I don't think you should call me that anymore, Dray,' murmured Harry, wincing in anticipation of Draco's response.
He wasn't disappointed.
'What? No, no, there is no way I'm letting you brush that aside with everything else. I will not let you become the fucking boy-who-lived again!'
Draco had pulled them to a stop, staring at Harry with inflamed eyes. The last day had taken it's toll on Draco and his usually unbreakable cool was wavering. Harry could feel the blonde was ready to snap.
'I love James. You're James. You promised, you promised me and him…'
'I know,' sighed Harry, looking anywhere but at Draco, 'but I'm beginning to feel like I have a split personally. My name is Harry. Neither of us can change that.'
There was a thick silence and then Draco hissed in the coldest of tones.
'I saved your life. I saved you from him. I gave you my…,' he trailed off, seeming unable to complete the sentence.
Draco wrenched his hand free from Harry's and took a very deliberate step backward.
'And I really thought you'd changed…Potter.'
Harry couldn't stop myself wincing as Draco used the name which he hadn't been referred to with for almost 2 years. It was clear what Draco meant. His tone spoke of betrayal and anger.
'Dray...,' Harry began, suddenly realising how close he was to losing the only thing that was keeping him grounded.
There was a shimmer and Draco was gone. Harry knew Draco would be punished by their father for uses his powers again, but the could also feel how hurt Draco was. More hurt than by anything Lucius could do to him.
He swore softly and fought hard against the urge to smash something. Something big, preferably.
This was all coming down around him. He thought he could control it all, blend in. Harry just hadn't counted on the bits of himself he'd been hiding away from so long. The bits that loved his friends, loved Sirius and just wanted to forget about what he'd become.
When he'd first woken up at Malfoy Manor, he'd been terrified. He'd been terrified and done a pretty good job of destroying large amount of the house in his fear. It had been Draco that had calmed him down. Draco Malfoy, whom he had always hated. He'd stood in front of Harry and said very calmly that it would all be okay.
Harry had believed him.
Never underestimate the power of reassurance.
Still, it had taken Harry a long time to trust the Malfoy's. It was a week before he believed the food wasn't poisoned.
Two years later, though, and he thought he didn't trust anyone more. Well, that wasn't strictly true, he didn't trust Lucius as far as he could hex him. He knew the older man merely wanted power and obedience. He knew that Lucius had forced Harry to call him 'father', mainly for is own sick satisfaction and also because knew it played on Harry's weakness. Harry had wanted a father more than anything.
No, the truth was Harry trusted Draco more than anyone.
And what a way to pay him back, commented a taunting voice in Harry's head.
Harry was still standing in the hallway, immersed in his angry and depressing thoughts, when Hermione found him.
'H-harry?' she said timidly, edging towards him, 'Are you okay?'
Harry glanced up quickly, his hand halfway raised with a spell on his lips. He stopped and sighed, unable to raise his barriers against such an innocent question.
'No,' he said tiredly, 'No, I'm really not okay.'
Hermione was still keeping her distance, chewing on her lip nervously.
'Ron's okay. He said he woke up and you were gone. I was so…so worried that you'd left again,' she said in a small voice.
Harry wasn't sure what to say. He could hear the pain that he'd caused her. He knew it was reflected in all the other people he'd left behind, he knew he'd caused them pain too. It was all he seemed to be able to do.
'Oh 'Mione…' he said and moved forward, wrapping his arms around her. She clung to him and began to sob, Harry just gently stroking her back.
'It'll be okay.'
They stayed like that until Hermione pulled back, wiping her eyes a little embarrassedly.
'Sorry Harry. I've…I've just missed you so much.'
Harry smiled and squeezed her shoulder's one last time.
'I've missed you too.'
It was nice to be open with his friend, but he couldn't help but feel that will he was having a touching reunions, Draco was alone somewhere; upset and anger. He sighed. Why couldn't everyone just be happy?
'Hey, I need to go and see Lupin. What to come?'
Hermione nodded and they walked towards the headmaster's office. Harry allowed himself a smile, thinking how familiar walking this halls with Hermione felt. For a few seconds he could ignore the Death Eaters, media and suspicious students.
'So…um, I'm sorry about earlier. I guess it all got a bit out of hand. I was a bit nervous,' said Harry, mentally considering if this was his first genuine apology since he left.
'It's okay,' said Hermione, softly.
Harry glanced at her, noticing the badge pinned proudly to her robes.
'I always knew you'd be Head Girl. Dray didn't mention it, but I knew…'
Hermione seemed torn between smiling and wincing at the casual reference to Draco.
They reached the Gargoyle and Harry spoke the password from earlier. They walked up the stairs together, Harry running a hand through his hair nervously. Now that he was actually standing outside Lupin's office, the idea of telling him everything was a lot harder. It felt so much like betraying Draco.
He opened the door and allowed Hermione to step through before him.
Dumbeldore, Remus and Sirius all looked up in surprise. Harry smiled a little apologetically, running his hand through his hair again.
Oh god, I don't think I can do this…
Sirius smiled back at him.
'I'll all be okay, Harry. Sit down. We just want to talk.'
Harry did sit, with only one thought in his head.
Draco, forgive me.