I love songfics...hehehe. Anyway, this is a fic I wrote while spending a week at my friend's house housesitting...fun. A cure for boredom. Anyway, hope you enjoi...oh...*Pokes* I don't wanna spoil it...but...*Whispers* It's yaoi...

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha...my misfortune...whoa is me...and I do not own this song, though I wish I did...cause it rocks! Toodles!

Stacie Orrico
"(There's Gotta Be) More To Life"

[I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let go]


Ever since I can remember, I've always been a skirt chaser, my father being so…what's the word…impressed with my 'gift' with women. Why did I do it? I have no idea. Maybe it was to ease that nagging feeling of boredom…I'll never know. But, the act is getting old. I've chased all the skirts chase able, and I've been kicked, hit, and slapped in more places then I ever knew possible. Why not give it up? Women are like an addiction, a bad drug. For the longest while, those women who abused me were all that was on my mind, until I came to the self-realization that I was really as shallow as people said I was, and that hurt. Knowing that everyone saw me as a lecherous monk only looking to get some just hurt. I'm more then that…. aren't I? This abyss that is set on my hand has shifted, and all the pain within it now lays in my heart, knowing that the self-image I have produced for myself has shattered the self-image I wanted.
For a while, I had everything I wanted, a couple Shikon shards in my pocket, plenty of beautiful women to look at, and the memory of my father smiling down upon me fresh in my mind. I was on Cloud 9…well…then, why now does it feel like something is wrong?

[There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more]


Maybe it's just me, I'll never know, but there's this inescapable emptiness inside of me. All my life, I've been chasing that something that I thought was everything, but it turned out only to be another way to feed my addiction, which made it worse. That addiction made me oblivious to everything around, and the blossoming love in my already war torn heart. My eyes were clouded with the haze of addiction and my voice was silenced by the needing for more. With this emptiness inside, I searched for more, thinking the life was only a cruel board game, and I was waiting for someone to roll my number and meet me in my space on the board, where we would live happily together from now until eternity, but this twisted game has only got me twisting and turning in confusing spirals, words whispering in my ears.
There's Gotta Be More…More To Life….
Those words strike a cord with me, because my father always told me to make the most out of life…so, does this mean that I failed him and I'm only using life as a cruel meat market with women? I mean, if there is more to life, then what is it? I haven't found out yet, nor do I think I ever will, because life is a mystery in which I cannot solve…


[I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing]


Death has had its' cruel eyes upon me for quite some time now, waiting for the moment I screw up, but it hasn't happened yet. Soon, though. Soon, I'll make the one mistake I cannot correct, but before that, I want to find a love purer then these sick infatuations with the women I harass, and I want to settle down. I want someone to love me, someone that doesn't care about this hole in my hand and someone who sees me as more then a lecher. Maybe I'm just dreaming. Maybe a love that pure doesn't exist, that I'll never know. So many unanswerable questions.
Besides being on a quest for the Shikon No Tama, I've been looking for love, apparently in all the wrong places. Villages, forests, caves, everywhere, but no luck. Father told me not about the darker side of love, trying to find it. I mean, I have someone in mind, but that special someone may not feel the same way I feel, and that's the reason why I dare not pursue the one I love only from afar. One day, I'll tell that person how I feel…one day…

[There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more]


The more that I look around myself, the more I see that my extreme lifestyle that upset so many was only upsetting me more. I guess I was only trying to rid myself of this void in my hand so much, that I was becoming desperate, wanting any woman I found to bare my child and pass that burden on to a mere child. Even if I do find the one, I will insist on no children. No one deserves this curse except for…well…me. I guess this is punishment for me being a lecher for so long. If I was sincere, maybe a woman would have already found me and we would live happily together, but because of my ways, I'm still searching for that someone, somewhere in this world, or maybe the next. Searching for my lover, the one who will bring me peace and salvation, even in death, will be the one I cherish more then my own life, something more precious then that. Will life give me that love I long or, or will I go on a never-ending search to find it? I guess this proves beggars can't be choosers, and in this world, all I am is a beggar, begging life to send me that angel I so desire, the one who will change me and send me into an upward spiral of loving bliss. I want it. I want that loving embrace and feeling of security.
Maybe these visions I see in my mind are just sick hallucinations that mock me, hissing 'This is what you can't have…' Such a cruel life I live, love not wanting to show its' face and loneliness rearing its' ugly head.

[Than waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....]


Saying goodbye to yesterday isn't easy, but with each day that passes, it becomes less and less likely that I'll find someone to love me. Such a tedious task for me to continue on when I know love won't be waiting for me. What am I waiting for, then? What am I missing? You…

[There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
To life..]


"You've been acting weird lately…" The one I love sits next to me with a small smile. "You okay?" I can only nod, watching that beauty unfold before my eyes, beauty unmatched. "You seem mad or somethin'. Come on, you can tell me. How long have we known each other and you can't even tell me something that's bothering you? Geez."
"Alright…I mean, it's just…What would you do if you thought you were in love with someone, but you didn't want to tell them?" I asked, hoping to get the answer I needed.
A short pause encased us, until soft, forceful words were spoken. "I would just tell that person. I mean, why would you want to walk around with this burden on your heart?"
In shock, I respond the only way I could. "I never heard you speak like that…"
"I'm not done." Continuing on, the words became more forceful. "Would you want to spend the rest of your life only wondering what would have happened with you and that person?"
"But, this isn't about me…"
"Shut up, I know it is. I'm not that stupid. Believe me, you're going to regret not saying those words, because life is more than just thinking. It's doing things as well."
And those words hit me like a lead balloon. Yes, I must! I must tell you how I feel!

[Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life.... life.
More to life....there's gotta be more to life...
More to life.... there's gotta be more to life…]

My palms sweat profusely and my eyes wonder as I think of the perfect words to say, but my voice trembles under the pressure and fear of rejection, but it must be done.
"So, who's the lucky girl?" Innocent eyes look upon me as my heart stops. If only you knew…
"Well, you know the person. This person has the most beautiful eyes and strength unlike any other, a welcoming smile and a feisty attitude." I grinned, blushing slightly. "And, somewhat of a mean disposition."
"Sounds like someone good. Well, spit it out, Miroku. Who is it?"
Taking a deep breath, I spat out the four words that could change my life forever in a rushed, panicked voice. "I love you, Inuyasha." My eyes widen as the blush turns from a pale pink to a deep red.
With widened eyes, he looked to me, his shimmering amber eyes glistening with confusion. "WHAT?!"

-The End-
-…Or Is It…? -