I don't know why, but I've recently had a bout story madness... I've started five new stories so far, and I finally finished chapter one of this one, so up it goes! This was kind of inspired by a couple of "annoying Snape" fanfics I read over the summer... But, you know... I can't seem to write a story without it involving some twisted form of romance, hence this abomination... Which, surprisingly enough, I've put a lot of thought into. Anyway, I hope it's at least a little enjoyable, and I also hope that I don't have as much trouble with chapter two... Evil, evil chapters... :P Alright, so onward to the story.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter = Not Mine

The Seduction of Severus Snape By Marie Goos

Chapter 1: The Die is Cast

This Journal is Property of: Nadia Josephyne Page

September 1, 1998

Finally, made it to seventh year. It isn't easy being a Ravenclaw, you know... Despite what the members of the other houses think, Ravenclaws have it tough. We have to live up to the expectations others have for us; must get high grades. GASP! I've only gotten an acceptable on my charms essay! I MUST KILL MYSELF! Hm. Sorry... Just a little introduction. Speaking of introductions, let me just mention that I'm average height, with dark brown hair (on the longish side) and dark green eyes. Like... Forest green, I guess. No dice? Just thought you might want to... Dunno... Imagine me better...? Ahem. Anyway...

Well, I usually never write in journals, but I need to use this as an account for the difficult task I have ahead of me. Allow me to explain.

Ever since Harry Potter's defeat of You-Know-Who last year, things have been a little... Sober. This fact came up in the conversation between a few of us gals on the train ride to Hogwarts to start the new term. So, of course, I suggested that we find a way to liven things up- you know, cut loose for our last year of school. Now, before I go any further, there's something I should make clear- I am the only non-Slytherin student in school who does not hate Professor Snape. In fact, I have a bit of a crush on him. Strange, yes, I know... But it turned out to be quite useful for this plan of ours, since I'm the only one who can bear to carry it out.

You see, I was talking with Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley, and we've all agreed that we needed to do something to spice up our seventh year. It was my idea to do something to involve Professor Snape. "Because you fancy him," Ginny muttered, wrinkling her nose in the process. Hey- it's only a little. It isn't like I'm head over heels for the guy... Which I pointed out quite vehemently.

"I wonder what it would be like if someone was in love with him..." Luna said in her airy voice, gazing out the window. There was a deafening silence, and I knew what would come next.

"You already fancy him a bit, you know..." Ginny said thoughtfully. "It would be quite funny if you pretended you were madly in love with him!"

"I'd rather not," I answered, thinking of the many ways I would be tortured and killed.

"I dare you! We can make up a bunch of tasks- a list of steps, sort of. Like writing love letters and such! And you have to make sure that he knows you love him... Or thinks you do, rather."

"The whole school would know..." Luna sighed.

"Yes! The whole school. And you have to pull off every task we give you by the end of the year, and... and..." She screwed up her eyebrows, thinking.

"Kiss him." I could kill you, Luna.

"Yes! By the last day of lessons, you have to get him to kiss you. Voluntarily." I stared at her, then at Luna, then back to her.

"You're kidding me, right?" She shook her head. "And what do I get out of it?"

"Ten galleons, twelve sickles, and twenty-one knuts," Luna replied, finally looking at me with those big eyes of hers.

"It's not nearly enough."

"The satisfaction of knowing you did something worthwhile and hilarious in your last year at Hogwarts," Ginny added. "You'll be a legend!" Well, I have to admit, it did sound rather appealing... And if I succeeded, I would get a kiss from Severus Snape, who I happen to find very attractive.

"If you can pull it off," Luna added nonchalantly. That was the last straw; I won't let anyone think there's something I simply can't do.

"Fine," I said, crossing my arms. "But I had better get every last knut you promised... When I pull it off." Ginny clapped her hands excitedly.

"Great!" she exclaimed. "This will be hilarious!" Well, I couldn't help but agree. However, something needed to be addressed...

"When and what is my first... er... 'task?'" I asked. I was apprehensive, but it turned out not to be that bad.

"Love letters." Task one was contributed by Luna. "Anonymous ones. Don't let the secret out too soon." Definitely a good idea.

"Write the first one tonight," Ginny added. "Say that you couldn't stand to spend the summer holidays apart from him." She grinned wickedly, while Luna smiled with an almost oblivious look on her face.

So, of course, I drew inspiration from the way he looked at the start of term banquet; miserable. I decided to try and write something eloquent and romantic, but also painful; the pain of unrequited love. Also, it had to be full of passion, and it had to be something that he wouldn't immediately dismiss. This is what I produced:

"Dearest Severus,
I cannot begin to express the feelings I have stirring inside me upon this miserable bit of parchment. At first I was unsure of what these strange emotions were; I could not put a name to this wonderful burning, this fire within the depths of my soul. However, I soon realized what had been giving me so many restless nights. Severus Snape, it appears as though I am in love with you. I am madly in love with you. Every moment of my life, my mind is consumed by thoughts of you. Your low, silky voice invades my every being, like poison seeping into my veins; but oh, how I want to be poisoned! Every time I look into your beautiful, dark, piercing eyes I feel as if I have died and been born anew.

The memories of your soft, dangerous touch were all that sustained me through the summer. Every day I felt an aching in my body, a piece missing, because I could not be with you. Each night I was haunted by dreams of your graceful hands upon my skin, and your hot breath cascading over my neck, only to awaken to an empty bed, to be left hungry for your touch.

To be near you again is to have life breathed back into my body. Alas, I know that you would never- could never- even want me, let alone love me. My desire is left unfulfilled, and though I know our fates are not entwined, I could not keep my love a secret any longer. I need you to know how empty my life would be without you. It is my deepest regret that I am too cowardly to reveal my true identity to you just yet; not to worry. I will make myself known to you, eventually. Perhaps, somehow, you could learn to stand my presence, and I could know the joy of your company.
I love you forever,
So please forgive me

Of course, I knew that when he received the letter, Snape would compare it to every sample of handwriting he could find, so I had to disguise mine. With a simple charm, I changed it from my normal rounded, messy scrawl to an elegant, flowing style, with elongated stems on the letters... It looked quite nice, and very natural. Of course, another, more complicated charm had to be cast so that he couldn't use any spells to reveal the fact that the handwriting was disguised.

When I showed it to Luna, she nodded slowly, looking it over. "It's good," she said simply, handing it back and returning to her usual light slumber. I decided to copy it so I could show the copy to Ginny the next morning, though not at breakfast, since that is when I'm planning on having it delivered to him. I'll get up early, and give it to Luna's owl, which is, surprisingly enough, a very nondescript brown barn owl. In the meantime, all I have to do is place a few untraceable charms on both copies of the letter, and then it'll be time for bed.

September 2

Well, I've done it. I got up early, and snuck up to the owlery, giving Luna's owl (Snork) the love letter and telling him to give it to Professor Snape at breakfast. Snork agreed rather willingly, so I made my way back to the dorm and got dressed and ready for the first day of classes. I was actually looking forward to seeing Snape's reaction to the letter, so I was fidgeting a lot while I waited for Luna to finish getting ready. Of course, when we finally got down to breakfast, there was the painful wait until the post came. At last, the owls began flying into the Great Hall, and I grinned at Luna, then glanced towards the Gryffindor table; Ginny was smiling widely and looking at the staff table from the corner of her eye.

I looked up at the staff table to see Snape, looking rather surprised. Snork was picking at his breakfast, the letter still tied to his leg. Snape hesitated, then took the letter, looking it over carefully; it was as if he'd never gotten a letter before in his life. After taking a little bath in the professor's cereal, Snork flew away, spraying quite a few teachers with milk; well, what do you expect from Luna's owl? After that display, Snape dried himself off and slowly opened the envelope, sliding the letter out and reading it. His eyebrows immediately flew up, and he seemed to become more and more surprised by the second. I think he must have read it three times over before he finally put it down, looking like a deer in headlights. My mum's a muggle, by the way...

Looking at the Gryffindor table, I saw Ginny covering her mouth, trying to suppress her laughter; it was kind of funny, seeing Professor Snape looking like that. I watched as the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, leaned over and said something to him. He sneered and stuffed the letter back in its envelope, his ears turning a bit red. This was too rich. "Do you see this?" I muttered to Luna, who nodded absently.

"It's entertaining," she answered, returning to her breakfast. Yes, it certainly was.

Upon receiving the course schedule for the year, I observed that our first class of the day was Arithmancy with the Gryffindors. It would be an excellent opportunity to show Ginny just what Professor Snape had gotten so flustered over.

I entered the classroom and took a seat near the back, with Luna, unpacking my bag. When the Gryffindors started filtering in, I waved Ginny over; Colin Creevey was with her, so he joined us in the back, as well. "Hello, Nadia." He grinned stupidly at me, his eyes glazing over.

"Hi, Colin," I replied dismissively, turning to Ginny, holding out the love letter. "Take a look at it!" I prompted. Unfortunately, class started then. However, it was quite lucky that we were given assignments to do in groups. Luna, Ginny, Colin and I worked together, rushing through our assignment. When we were finished, I finally had my chance to hand the letter over to Ginny. She eagerly snatched it from my hand and read it carefully, her eyes lighting up.

"Oh!" she sighed. "It's so romantic! My God, it sounds like you really are in love with him!" She paused for a beat, then we all burst out laughing. All, of course, except Colin, who was looking both shocked and forlorn.

"You're in love?" he asked me, sounding as if I'd just told him he had an hour to live.

"No, of course not," I snapped, sounding a bit harsher than I'd meant to. "If you must know, we're just having a little fun with Professor Snape." Colin's face lit up.

"You mean you're playing a joke on Snape?" Ginny grinned.

"Shall we let him in on the operation?" she asked, sizing Colin up. Luna nodded, so we immediately launched into an explanation. When we were finished, he laughed until his face turned red, and by the time he had himself under control he was wiping tears from his eyes.

"Anyone in love with Snape is simply hilarious, let alone you!" he exclaimed, sighing. "But, what is this whole thing called, exactly?"

"The Triple S," Luna replied, as if we'd all figured it out by then. "Or the SSS, if you prefer." We all shot her inquisitive looks. "The Seduction of Severus Snape," she elaborated. Our laughter was so uproarious that Professor Vector had to personally come to the back of the class to get us to quiet down.

After class, I personally burned the copy of the letter- wouldn't want anyone finding it in my possession, now, would I? Afterwards, I headed off to Herbology with the Slytherins. It went as it usually did- Luna and I grouped with a couple of Slytherins, we acted fairly civil, ended up arguing a bit, then parted with tight smiles. It had been a rather messy class, so I stopped off at the dorms to wash up and clean my prefect badge before running down to lunch. I eyed the wanton potions professor all throughout the meal, but it seemed as if the effects of my fake love letter had worn off. I sighed inwardly; oh, well... There were many more to be written, after all.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, but after lessons Ginny, Luna, and Colin gave me my next assignment, after reviewing their schedules. "The first potions class is at the end of the week," Luna stated as she read the latest edition of The Quibbler.

"We'll have to give you a task for the lesson," Ginny said pensively. "But what?"

"I have an idea," Colin cut in, a small smile playing at his lips. We looked at him expectantly, and were not disappointed. "Well, a lot of muggle media portrays a boy smelling a girl's hair, because he fancies her..." He trailed off for a bit, fighting down a giggle. I swear, he is the only member of the male species I have ever met who actually giggles. Anyway... Colin continued his explanation. "Why don't you smell Snape's hair? And not discreetly, either... Take a long, noisy whiff, and then sigh afterwards." We stared at him.

"Colin..." I muttered. "You're a genius." He smiled brightly as we all laughed lowly at our brilliant plans.

By the way, I found some silver ink I thought I'd lost last year, so I used it to write "The SSS - Seduction of Severus Snape," on the cover of this journal in some elegant script. I think it turned out rather well.

September 5

Potions class came all too soon for me. Of course, I was anxious to see my favorite teacher; however, my nerves about the first task were getting to me. What would Professor Snape do, after I smelled his hair? Would he take points from Ravenclaw? Would he give me detention? Would he throttle me? I was to find out soon enough.

I was the first into the classroom, as usual. Not even Luna had accompanied me, because although she was unfazed by almost anything, she disliked Snape as much as any student. I walked into the room quietly and discreetly, with my head down, as was my custom, and took a seat in the very back of the room. I tried to stay unnoticed in all of my classes, and it usually worked. In this class, Snape didn't really want to notice anyone, so he was quite willing to ignore me. As I did every potions class for every year of my education, I watched the professor carefully as I unpacked, trying not to seem too obvious. He was sitting at his desk, his quill scratching away at a piece of parchment, and he didn't even look up at me. I could see an inkwell filled with red ink at his side, and he stopped for a moment to hastily dip his quill into it. Hey, he had a new quill; raven's feather, it looked like. It was about time he replaced that beat up old eagle's feather he'd been using. But, I digress.

It wasn't long before more students started to filter in, and Luna joined me at my table in the back. I was spending my time trying to think up some good phrases to write in my next love letter, while Luna had her nose buried in The Quibbler again. The N.E.W.T. potions class with the Hufflepuffs was a fairly competent class, since Ravenclaws are intelligent (sometimes) and Hufflepuffs are hard working (for the most part.) However, Professor Snape always seemed to find a reason to berate us, and he wasn't about to let up at this point.

When the bell rang, he stood up and began pacing back and forth in front of the board, surveying us as if he had never seen anything quite so disgusting. He began his annual beginning speech, talking about how the N.E.W.T.s were quickly approaching and he expected us all to pass with blah, blah, blah... After a while I just stopped listening and concentrated on the sound of his voice... It was so deep, quiet, and silky... And the way he moved was so graceful and elegant... In my opinion, Severus Snape is the epitome of sex. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a blind, deaf cretin. Alright, so everybody in the school, including my friends, thinks otherwise, but... They all have bad taste.

With a wave of his wand, Professor Snape put the instructions for the potion we were to brew on the board, and everyone began. I worked quietly and diligently with Luna, not drawing any attention to myself, as always. We had been working for about half an hour and our potion was the appropriate shade of maroon when she gently nudged me, to signal that it was time. I hesitated, using the excuse of smelling the potion, which was fine, then slowly raised my hand. It took a few minutes for him to notice me, and when he did he paused for a moment before addressing me. "Yes, what is it, Miss... Miss..." His eyes flitted to the list of students on his desk. "Miss Page?"

"Professor," I said, a lot more quietly than I meant to, "I think there's something wrong with our potion, but I'm not quite sure what. Could you take a look at it, please? It really would help a lot." He begrudgingly got to his feet and walked to our table at the back of the class, leaning over the cauldron.

"I see nothing... wrong... with this potion," he growled, obviously irritated at that fact. "Five points from Ravenclaw for wasting my time."

"Please, Professor, could you just take a closer look?" He glared at me and I gave him my best I'm-afraid-of-you-but-I-still-need-your-help look. He just needed to lean a little lower and I could complete my task. "Please?"

"If you'll leave me be..." he grumbled, leaning lower over the cauldron and narrowing his eyes. I saw my chance and immediately took it. I lunged forward, nearly burying my nose in his hair, and took a loud, long whiff. I mean, I inhaled it like I was a crackwhore and he was Snow White. Afterwards, I sighed and feigned a shudder, as if I'd just partaken in a forbidden pleasure (which I think I had) and leaned back in my seat, acting as if nothing had happened. There was momentary silence in the classroom as the rest of the students stared, then began to snigger quietly. Meanwhile, Professor Snape was frozen over the cauldron, and I noticed that he was gripping the table so tightly that his hand was shaking. Very slowly, he rose and straightened himself, still grasping the desk. "Silence," he snapped. That was all it took to shut up the entire class. Then, he turned to me, looking as if he would like nothing more than to slit my throat. "Miss Page, what did you just do to me?" He voice was low and dangerous, barely above a whisper, and I knew that it meant he was absolutely enraged.

"Nothing, sir," I answered, unable to hide the slight waver in my voice. It wasn't from fear though; I was trying with all my might to suppress the laughter that was bubbling up inside of me. He sneered, swooping down on me like a bat.

"Insolent girl," he hissed. "I know you're lying to me." I remained silent. "Well? Speak! Tell me what you just did." I cleared my throat, shifting uncomfortable under his smoldering gaze... He's just so delicious when he's angry.

"Well..." I tried to think up an excuse, but then decided to say something much more hilarious. "I'm sorry, Professor- you just smell so good." The room erupted in laughter, but one sharp glance from Professor Snape caused the noise to cease.

"If that is the case, Miss Page," he muttered disdainfully, "then I daresay you can smell me all you like in detention tomorrow night at eight." Then, he straightened up and pointed his wand to my cauldron. "Evanesco." The contents immediately disappeared, leaving the cauldron spotless. "You'll get a zero for the day, and I expect to receive three feet on why it is inappropriate to smell a teacher by the next class. Is that understood?"

"Of course, Professor." When he turned to go, I made a loud sniffing noise, and the class again began to laugh.

"Silence! I will not tolerate another sound from this class! Now, get back to work, all of you!" He sat down behind his desk, yanked his quill from the inkwell, and began scratching away at the parchments. "Bloody hell..." I heard him mutter faintly, shaking the quill in an exaggerated motion before slamming it down on his desk. He was obviously in a foul mood, but who could blame him? I mean, it was plain to see the man did not get smelled by his students on a daily basis, nor laughed at by them.

For the rest of the class everyone else worked quietly, not daring to make a single sound aside from the bubbling of their potions and the chopping of their ingredients. Meanwhile, Luna leaned back and continued with her reading, while I just sat back and immersed myself in thought. I was wondering what the next task I was given would be, and again thinking about what I could possibly put into the next love letter, and when to send it. I looked up at Professor Snape, who was currently telling a Hufflepuff boy how incompetent he was, and took a nice long look at that delicious ass of his. God, that man has glorious buttocks.

Class ended all too soon, and Luna and I headed up to the Great Hall for lunch, where we informed Ginny and Colin of the events that occurred in potions. Needless to say, it took them a while to calm down enough to talk. I also noticed that we weren't the only ones relaying the tale; I was sure that by the end of the day the entire school would know that I smelled Professor Snape's hair. "We'll have to give you a task for the detention," Colin said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. I wondered vaguely if he would ever grow any facial hair.

"Yes, but we can think of that tomorrow," Ginny said, waving her hand dismissively. "In the meantime... Let's hear that story again."

September 6

Task three: compliment him. Allow me to relay the tale. Luna, Ginny, Colin and I were sitting beneath a large tree by the lake, working on some homework while they were trying to think up a task for me to do at detention. They were having a hard time of it, though. "It should be discreet," Luna muttered as she read The Quibbler while holding it upside down.

"I agree," Ginny said. "But what?"

"I'm totally blank," Colin replied. "Touch his ass?" We all rolled out eyes.

"Well, you could-"

"Shh!" Colin interrupted, motioning to somewhere towards the castle. His little brother, Denis, was walking towards us. We all pretended to be absorbed in homework (mine being an essay on why it's inappropriate to smell a teacher) as Denis approached.

"Hey guys!" he chirped. "What're you all up to?" He looked between us curiously, as if sensing that we were hiding something from him.

"It's nothing," Colin replied, exasperated. "Just go away." Denis looked hurt by this.

"I only wanted some company."

"So find some your own age!" Colin growled.

"Hold on," I said. "Denis... How would you subtly gain the attentions of someone you desire?" Denis bit his lip, thinking for a moment.

"I'd complement her, I suppose. That always works."

"Thanks," I replied. "Go up to the boys' bathroom on the fourth floor, enter the third stall down from the door, tap the cracked brick above the toilet, and say, 'Scarlet harlot.' That should keep you busy for a while." Denis smiled widely and ran off to retrieve his prize. Colin sighed, shaking his head as he began to fiddle with his camera.

"You know," Ginny said thoughtfully, "I think Denis had the right idea. As a matter of fact... It's perfect! You can compliment Snape. He loves having people shove their heads up his ass." Ginny looked to Luna and Colin for approval. Luna nodded from behind her magazine, while Colin gave a thumbs up.

"Alright," I agreed. "So what do I say, he has a nice ass?"

"No, of course not!" Ginny exclaimed. "Something like... I dunno..." She put on a pouty face and started speaking in a mock-seductive voice. "I've always admired you, Professor."

"I'm sure you have a gigantic penis," I added.

"That's disgusting," Colin muttered, wrinkling his nose as he continued working on his camera.

"What are you doing with that thing, anyway?" He snapped the back shut and grinned at me.

"Changing the film." Then he swung the camera up and took a picture of me. I hate it when people take pictures of me, and he knows that. So... I tackled him.

"Hand it over!" Our wrestling match was soon broken up, though, by Ginny and Luna.

"It's just a picture," Ginny reasoned.

"Yeah, yeah..."

So, at eight I found myself in the dungeons, knocking on the door to the potions classroom. "Enter!" came the agitated response. I carefully opened the door and walked into the room, wondering what I would have to do for my detention. Professor Snape sat at his desk, as usual, grading papers. I approached him, and only when I cleared my throat did he set his quill down and stand up, addressing me. "You will clean out every single cauldron in this room- without the use of magic. Rest assured, Miss Page, I will be watching. By the time you are done, I want to see my reflection in them."

"Yes sir," I answered.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Just one, sir. How is it that you get your robes so crisp and fresh?" He glared at me scathingly before taking five points from Ravenclaw and shooing me off to do my work.

"And don't disturb me!" he added, sitting back down at his desk. Sighing heavily, I started cleaning cauldrons, which was a lot more difficult than it sounded. Much of the gunk stuck in them was difficult to remove, and it clung to my skin if I touched it. After about an hour, he walked over to check my work. He peered in at the cauldron I had just finished off, scowling. "You missed a spot." He seemed to be enjoying this.

"I'm sorry, Professor," I replied. "I was distracted by your beautiful eyes." Did I just say that? But, damn, those eyes are gorgeous.

"Ten points from Ravenclaw," he growled. "And do try to work on your sarcasm."

"I wasn't being sarcastic, sir," I replied, trying to sound breathless and instead sounding mentally impaired. He sneered at me, deducted more points, then made his way back to his desk. Ooh, what a nice bum. I went back to scrubbing cauldrons, making sure that they were absolutely perfect (when I do something, I do it right) and casting random glances at Professor Snape, leaning over a stack of parchments. However, about an hour into the detention, he started to notice the attention I was giving him.

"Miss Page!" he snapped, suddenly looking up to meet my gaze. I suppressed a gulp.

"Yes, Professor Snape?"

"Kindly stop staring at me!" He sneered, looking rather dangerous.

"I'm sorry, Professor," I replied, thinking that this would be the perfect opportunity for another complement, "but I was drawn to the enigmatic aura that seems to surround your lean and attractive body." Perhaps that was a bit too... descriptive.

"Ten points from Ravenclaw!" he snarled. "Get back to work!" So, I did. And after another hour of constant scrubbing, I finished cleaning every single cauldron. Each and every one was absolutely spotless, practically sparkling. Professor Snape, however, didn't seem to appreciate my hard work. "Alright, go on, out of my sight," he grumbled, after inspecting the cauldrons and begrudgingly admitting that I'd done well enough to warrant my release.

"Thank you, Professor," I replied in as happy a tone as I could manage. "Have a good night." Then I left, with him glaring at me.

When I got back to my dormitory, everyone else was asleep, even Luna. So, sighing, I quickly threw on my pajamas and jumped onto my bed. Ah, sleep, sleep, sleep. Sleep is so very, very nice. Especially when you dream of a naked Professor Snape...

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So, that's it for chapter one. Like? Yes? Alright, good. If so, leave review. If not, constructive criticism is welcome, and I will embrace it to my supple bosom. Flames are not welcome. They will be used to light my farts.

Next chapter: More tasks, more picture-taking on Colin's part, Nadia being embarrassed.

Now would be the time to review. Hee.