Author's Note: Yep... I got the rare, rare urge to write poetry again. Poor Ziggy and poor cute little stepson... man, his backstory's so painful. Goes a long way to explain why his eyes are so frickin' haunted, though. Anyway, I wrote this about his death and to get all the angst out of my system. ^^;

The Suicide of Jan Sauer
By Amanda Swiftgold

this is a void
deeper than the space
between stars

I feel nothing
but an ache
devouring my heart

my child
in all but blood
I loved you

and by my own
careless fault
you were taken

free will, this
darkest gift
we have given ourselves

to use it
we must suffer
choice's cost

so all I can see now
is your life, pooling
around you

and there is nothing
in the universe
but grief

I hate these,
the hands
that failed you

I hate this place
without the sound
of your voice

and I know
you are alone now
in the dark

I can hear you,
my child
crying for me

so this gun that
should have saved you
saves me instead

there is only
this one hope
that I cling to

that when we meet
you will smile
and forgive

wait, now
I will not leave you
ever again

cold metal
against my head
bringing peace

hot bullet
through my mind
absolution