Title: Malcolm's Birthday Surprise

Contact: kelhapam@metrocast.net

Series: ENT

Rating: PG-13

Code: R/S

Date: September 2, 2003

Summary: Trip surprises Malcolm on the armoury officer's birthday.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns all the characters, etc., I am just using the characters for a little fun and relaxation.

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Malcolm's Birthday Surprise 9/2/03

"You got it all planned, Commander?" Travis Mayweather asked the Southern gentleman.

Trip Tucker waggled his eyebrows and looked more like a devious devil than a gentleman. "All set, Travis. Chef has made a wonderful pineapple upside down cake and while Malcolm is at his bridge station this afternoon, we'll spring it on him."

"You sure you should do it on the bridge?"

"It'll be perfect! I've got my camera all set up to take some prime pictures!" Trip exclaimed.

"I'm sure he'll love the cake...not to mention the added attractions." Travis giggled.

"Took some doing--not to mention some practice--but everything is all set. Even the Captain can't wait to see it!"

"Did you mention it to T'Pol?"

Trip chuckled. "And spoil all the fun? No way!"

iThat afternoon./i

Malcolm, head bent over his console, continued to calculate projectile algorithms oblivious of his fellow crewmates on the bridge. It wasn't until he heard the sound of the turbolift opening and could smell the tantalizing aroma of pineapple that he looked up. And as quick as he looked up, he wished he hadn't. On a wheeled cart decorated with streamers and balloons was a large pineapple upside down cake. It was being slowly pushed out of the lift by the ship's Chef, who was decked out in his best white shirt and matching classic poofy chef's hat. With a mocking hiss the turbolift doors shut behind the cook.

Cheers of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" rang out through the bridge.

"What's the matter, Malcolm?" Travis said cheerfully, having joined Malcolm at the tactical station.

"Bloody hell," Malcolm whispered to his friend. "I was hoping they'd have forgotten it this year." He looked around to see the smiles on Trip's and Archer's faces and the usual stoic expression on T'Pol's.

Travis slapped the Brit on the back. "Forget it!? How could we possibly forget it? I only wish I had been there for the celebration two years ago. Fortunately I didn't miss the party last year. Everyone had such a good time!"

Malcolm grumbled as he recalled the raucous party that Archer and Trip threw for him in one of the cargobays. If he ever saw another conga line again it would be too soon. He could still recall seeing Hoshi Sato leading the conga line on a looping path throughout the ship that evening - with him positioned behind her and in front of Ensign Cutler - trapped. The sound of Trip Tucker's laughter still haunted his sleep. It was then he realized that someone was missing from the bridge.

"Oh don't worry," Travis said. "Hoshi didn't forget you."

"I didn't say anything about Ensign Sato," Malcolm said in his defense.

"Yeah, right. But you were thinking about it."

Malcolm glared at the helmsman.

"Happy Birthday, Malcolm!" Archer called out, he was standing next to Trip Tucker at the engineering station. "This is becoming quite the tradition!"

Malcolm grumbled.

Archer then turned to the engineer. "Everything all set, Trip?"

Trip wore a huge silly grin on his face and patted his camera lovingly. "You bet!" Trip raised two fingers to his lips and whistled shrilly. Again the turbolift opened, this time three of the ship's women emerged. All of the women were barefoot and clad in a bright red bikini tops and long Hawaiian grass skirts. They wore their hair loose with a large flowers placed behind their left ears. Around their necks, they wore brightly colored leis. Trip pressed a button on his console and soon a tropical melody with a heavy drum background filtered through the bridge. Taking this as their cue, the three women began swaying their hips from side to side and making flowing gestures with their arms and hands.

"They practiced for three weeks, Malcolm!" Tucker explained. "According to Hoshi this is a traditional hula dance, all of the hand movements mean something. I'm told," Trip waved his own arms trying to mimic the dancers, "translates into wishing you a happy birthday. Isn't that nice of them?" Tuck raised his camera and took several photos of the dancing crewwomen.

Malcolm was stunned. Presenting him with a pineapple cake on the bridge was embarrassing enough, but to have three of the ship's...oh hell and one of them was Hoshi Sato...sashaying towards him scantily clad was just too much. He could feel the heat of a recording- setting blush inflame his face and knew he looked as embarrassed as he felt. It was all he could do not to abandon ship and retreat to the safety of his cabin.

As he tried without success to appear calm, cool, and collected, the three women moved closer advancing on his position. In turn they each removed a lei and draped it over the stunned armory officer's neck. Ensign Halloway, a willowy blonde from ship's stores placed a white lei around Malcolm's neck and pressed her red-painted mouth against his cheek. Next, Ensign Cutler draped a blue-flowered lei around his neck and she paused long enough to sloppily kiss his other cheek and wish him a quick happy birthday.

Lastly, Hoshi stood in front of Malcolm and instead of immediately removing one of the flowered necklaces from around her neck, she continued to dance. Her arms wove in front of her while her hips continued to rock back and forth. When her solo dance was finished, she finally removed a red lei from her neck and slowly brought it down over Malcolm's head. Leaning forward she placed a soft kiss on his lips. Before she pulled away, Hoshi pressed closer and whispered in his ear. "Come to my cabin tonight, and I'll tell you what my dance meant and give you your real birthday present." She kissed him again and this time moved away to join the other two women near the turbolift.

Trip, Archer, and Travis applauded the women's efforts and the three ladies gracefully curtseyed in response. T'Pol who had watched the entire exchange stood stiffly at her station looking clearly puzzled at what had transpired.

Malcolm was shell-shocked, standing at his station with three leis around his neck and bright red lipstick smeared on both cheeks.

*Click* "Click* *Click*

Malcolm turned at the sound of the camera. His ice-blue eyes narrowed as he focused in on Trip.

"Commander Tucker," T'Pol said loudly. "If I were you, I would exit the bridge immediately."

Not needing any further prompting, Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker the Third beat a hasty retreat, but not before he heard Malcolm vow his revenge.

The End

For a manipulated picture of Malcolm related to this story: bwww.metrocast.net/~kelhapam/malcolmlipstick.JPG/b

Comments are greatly appreciated, please reply to this post or email me at kelhapam@metrocast.net.