Disclaimer: This is Maelstrom (Maelstrom1 now…thank you ff.net *glares*) with your Disclaimer! This is a parody of Armada's Past Part 1, Made by me and The-Crab. Now before reading this, we have nothing against gay people! They are just fine in our books. And we like Sideswipe too! I act like Sideswipe in real life! No I'm not gay! This is all for fun so please, don't hurt us!
We find our noble Autobot commander in Autobot HQ, ever vigilantly monitoring Decepticon activity.
Prime: Everybody loves Raymond? That's crap. *switches the channel to Oprah* crap *switches the channel to Barney* OH GOD *quickly changes it to news*
News Guy: And now, the news you hear over and over and over and over and ov- *Prime changes the channel to the shopping network*
Seller: Now, when you attach this cable, you...
Prime: Cable.....WE NEED CABLE TV!!
Scavenger: What are you blabbing about now prime?
Prime: Quiet Scavenger, and back to your hands and knees soldier, you're the pet dog for today.
Scavenger: *grumbles* I wish he's never seen The Wizard of Oz.
Hot Shot: *walks in, seeing Prime on the phone*
Prime: Yeah, I need a cable TV set ASAP!...Ok....Ok...bye! *slams the phone down, breaking it*
Prime: *pets Scavenger* Soon....we shall have cable...soon.
Scavenger: Prime, this is-
Prime: Talk like a dog, soldier!
Scavenger: *grumbles* woof woof.
Prime: Good boy. *hands him a dog treat*
Hot Shot:...*begins a flashback*
Hot Shot leans back, licking his ice cream happily at the local Dairy Queen, which is on Cybertron for some reason that doesn't needed to be explained.
Hot Shot: Boy I'm glad I skipped out on that fight to get ice cream...can't help but think I'm forgetting something.....
Scene switch to Wheeljack, sobbing on a street corner, looking at his wrist watch.
Wheeljack: Where is he! *sob* Hot Shot promised me ice cream, and now the Decepticon's are attacking *cries more as laser blasts fly around him* I CAN'T FIGHT WITHOUT ICE CREAM! *licks one of his blaster rifles* its....*sniff*....not the....*sob*....same....WAAHHH!
Megatron: *walks up to Wheejack with two ice cream cones, licking one* Hello there. Want some ice cream?
Wheeljack: *looks up, sniffling* Huh?....sure! *eats it really fast* Thanks! I owe ya!...ow! Brain freeze, brain freeze!
Megatron: You wanna join the Decepticons?
Wheeljack:...*evil look* Yesssss, I wanna make Hot Shot pay!
Megatron: *slaps Wheeljack* Dont you ever say that word again, it's mine, yessss!
Prime: HOT SHOT! *Hot Shot flies back from Prime smacking him*
Hot Shot: Yes sir!
Prime: You idiot, the cable guy is here, I want you and Blurr to go help him in!
Sideswipe: *carrying a box* *gay accent* oh my goodness, this place is so dark and damp! They need to put up some curtains in here or something *Hot Shot and Blurr walk up* Hello there, I'm Sideswipe, What's you name, baby blue? *winks at Blurr*
Blurr: Oh......my......god....NOT YOU!!
Hot Shot: Wha? Huh?
Sideswipe: Yep! Its me, baby blue, I see you didn't forget me.
Blurr walks into the bar, everybody dance now is playing, strobe lights going everywhere.
Blurr: This doesn't look like the swingers club...
Random Autobot: Get out of my way shorty!
Sideswipe: Hey bub, everyone can dance here!
Random Autobot: Oh yeah, I'll sho-
Blurr: Hey, leave him alone!
Random Autobot: Meh! Not worth my time.
Sideswipe: My hero! *grabs Blurr's rear*
Blurr: "WHOA, Now I know I'm not in the right bar" *runs away*
Sideswipe: Wait! Your bum is so baby blue, come back!
Blurr: No no no no no! Hot shot, he's all yours *grabs a box and runs*
Sideswipe: Call me hun!
Hot Shot: Alrighty, lets get to work!
Sideswipe: I suppose, I play hard, I work hard! *his internal radio plays 'Everybody Dance Now'*
Hot Shot: Weird guy, but decent tunes *heads back inside, Prime's head shoots up*
Prime: It...it...*narrows optics* got gayer in here...
Scavenger: We're robots, we can't be gay.
Scavenger: *sighs* woof.
Elsewhere in the Suburbia of Death…….
Wheeljack: *stalking an ice cream truck* Go ahead....stop for the cute kids...you know you wanna....
Ice Cream Man: *speeds up to 15MPH*
Wheeljack: Oh no you don't! You aren't gonna out-speed me! *cranks it up to 20MPH* MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ice Cream Man: What the heck! *speeds up to 25 mph as Wheeljack gives chase*
Wheeljack: you won't outrun me, not in this suburbia! *pulls into the other lane, beside the Ice Cream Man and slowly bashes into him*
Ice Cream Man: So you want to rumble eh? *ice cream music turns to ghetto music as he turns his cap sideways, spikes coming out of the hubcaps as he rams wheeljack, and swipes wheeljack, spikes impaling his tires, then drives off*
Wheeljack: CRAP! Again, denied of my sweet sweet ice cream.
Fat Kid: I llloovvveee my ice cream!
Wheeljack: ARGH *transforms, shoots fat kid* Damnit! Melted the ice cream….
Back at the Autobot Camp of Badassitude…
Prime: *sitting on the couch while Smokescreen and Red Alert are behind the TV* Is it done yet!?
Scavenger: Prime- *Prime glares* woof woof.
Prime: Listen to Scavenger you scally-wags! Pick up the pace!
Red Alert: Sir, if I may ask-
Prime: No you may not ask! I want my Three's Company, AND I WANT IT NOW!
Smokescreen: Stupid Prime, thinks he's so big and bad….
Prime: I am thank you very much.
Smokescreen: Meh...ok, someone needs to throw the power switch.
Prime: At last, someway to put them to use! RRRRAADDD!
Rad: *runs in* yeah Optimus, can I help you do something that a giant robot couldn't possibly do better than a prepubescent teen?
Prime: Toss that switch, umm…The Decepticons are…somehow…..sucking my strength, yeah, and I can't possibly do it…..hurry Rad…for the sake of the Autobots!
Red Alert: *To Smokescreen* That was better than his real speeches.
Rad: Never fear Optimus, I can save you from those massive evil mechanical robots with my pale limbs! *throws the switch, and is severely electrocuted, thrown back, and splatters against the wall*
Scavenger: That was pretty cool
Prime: Finally put Laserbeak to use to--HEY! what did you say!?
Prime: Thought so, now to watch that in slo-mo over and over again! *pets Scavenger and laughs, Laserbeak doing the chicken dance*
We now switch to Hot Shot's class of usurping command…
Hot Shot: Ok Sideswipe, this is what you do: You walk up, and you say "Excuse me, you dropped something....my jaw!"
Sideswipe: Oooooh, thats not nice!
Hot Shot: *facepalms* Ugh....*sees Wheeljack, but not knowing its him* Ok, see that black car? It's obviously a transformer, so go pick a fight with it!
Sideswipe: If you say so *walks over and kicks Wheeljack*
Wheeljack: Hey that felt pretty good, do that again.
Sideswipe: Whatever you say hunny buns!
Wheeljack: Wait! NO! NO! That was supposed to mean you're a wuss!
Sideswipe: *hurt* Are you calling me gay!
Wheeljack: You're gay! *transforms* My beat down sticks are tellin me that gay people suck! *gets attacked by a gay pride parade*
Sideswipe: I'm not gay! Why does every one think that?
Wheeljack: Ow Ow Ow those signs hurt!
Hot Shot: *runs over* Stop being gay and beat him up!
Sideswipe: I'M NOT GAY *punches Hot Shot*
Wheeljack: *tosses last gay man off of him* Hey let me get some of that! *grabs his beat down sticks and proceeds to help Sideswipe beat Hot Shot*
Hot Shot: *being beaten by Sideswipe and Wheeljack* OW!!! *kicks them both away and looks at Wheeljack*...Grindor....Grindor is that you?!
Wheeljack: Huh?! You should know who I am Hot Shot, after all, you never brought me any of that sweet, creamy ice cream! Or a cold, milky milkshake! And not even a chocolately, warm hot fudge sundae! How dare you!
Hot Shot:....wha? Grindor what are you talking about?
Wheeljack: Grrr...IT'S ME! WHEELJACK YOU IDIOT!
Hot Shot: Shockwave?
Wheeljack: BWWAAAA! *Bludgeon's Sideswipe with a beat down stick*
Sideswipe: *rubbing his head* Oh behave....
Wheeljack: I'LL MAKE YOU REMEBER! *grabs Hot Shot and rubs his face on his torn symbol.* Its W-H-E-E-L-J-A-C-K....WHEELJACK! *beats Hot Shot's face on his chest*
HS: Ow ow ow ow ow stop Leader-1, I recognize you now!!
Wheeljack: *does the Xena yell*
Hot Shot: OOOOHHHHH! Wheeljack!
Hot Shot: So....what's up, dude?
Wheeljack: Grrr...you know what's up! You never brought me any ice cream! Well I'm here to tell you I came for revenge! *pulls out a spoon* I've waited a long time for this *pulls out a really big ice cream bowl* HAHA!
Hot Shot: *gasp* Not the Super Mega Ice Cream Bowl 2005!
Wheeljack: Yes, and I intend to eat it all, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! *begins eating*
Two hours later, at the curb of doom…
Wheeljack: *ice cream all over his face and a bit on other parts* Uuugghhhh....see? I ate *burp* it all...
Hot Shot:....Dear Primus, we're done for!
Wheeljack: Now revenge is mine, ahahahahah! Time to finish you off! *reaches for his gun, but it's to far away, he rolls over slightly, and accidentally pushes it farther away* NNoooo....tooo....full
Hot Shot: *Shoot's his own leg* Sideswipe! I'm hit, get me out of here!
Sideswipe: Stop calling me gay!
Hot Shot: I'm not, now get over here you Richard Simmons wanna be!
Wheeljack: *by some miracle gets his gun back, and shoots Sideswipe in the back*
Sideswipe: OWIE! *falls over unconcious*
Hot Shot: Pansy! *sees Wheeljack slowly crawling towards him* OH CRAP! *warps away*
Wheeljack: *manages to stand up* Ugh....I did it! *sees Sideswipe* ...hehehe *grabs Sideswipe and warps away to unknown parts*
Fade to Prime's ghetto shack
Hot Shot returns to base, limping as Prime kicks the TV, messing with the antennas.
Prime: What are you doing here, where's Sideswipe?
Hot Shot: Ummm.....................jogging?
Prime: You twit, get back out there and don't come back until my cable works! And take Jolt with you, for Primus's sake! *points to Jolt, who's been sitting in the corner waiting for orders for 3 months now, spider webs hanging off of him*
Jolt: I see dead people....
Hot Shot: Fine, come on, let's go get him. *sighs*
Jolt: *Looks back, seeing ghosts flutter about* Suckers!
Ghost: Screw you too!
Hot Shot: Who ya talkin to Jolt?
Jolt: Mind yo own buizznasss, G!
Hot Shot: When we get back, you're going straight to Red Alert.
To Be Continued……………………………