Disclaimer: Hey, this is The-Crab doing the ever-cliche disclaimer. Why I'm not using Word like I usually, do, I dont know.

Its roughly 1:30am, so I'm gonna make this blunt: We dont own Transformers, and we still respect gays, this is all just for

fun, so dont sue us, please *ends disclaimer and falls asleep on the desk*


At the Decepticon's Shack of Funk, Megatron vigorously plans against the Autobots...

Megatron: *Sitting in a hot tub, with Tidal Wave in warship mode with 'Rubber Ducky' written on him*

Thrust: Sir, the-...what are you doing?

Megatron: I'm playing with my rubber ducky! *pokes Tidal Wave*

Tidal Wave: squeak

Thrust:....Anyway, sir, our scanners have detected another Decepticon on earth

Megatron: *Gets out, revealing a pink Speedo on* Well then, lets go get our new recruit!

Thrust: Right away sir! *runs out the room*

Megatron:....*Sits back down and pokes Tidal Wave again*

Tidal Wave: Squeak!


Later, at the Ice Cream Factory of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!...

Hot Shot and Jolt appear by a long abandoned Ice Cream factory.

Hot Shot: Something tells me he'll be in here.

Jolt: And I bet it's not the sign, right. *Points to a sign saying "Wheeljack's ice cream factory of fun"

Hot Shot: Shut up, smart ass. *Smacks Jolt, who grabs his hand and bites him* OWW!

Jolt: You taste like chicken.

Hot Shot *Rolls his optics* Lets just find gaywa---errr....Sideswipe.

Jolt: Right, you take the lead! *Hot Shot starts walking in, Jolt snickers and follows* Sucker.

Meanwhile, inside Wheeljack's Mausoleum of Creamed Ice Goodness

Sideswipe: *Tied up, waking up, is in an ice cream factory, covered in ice cream* What the hell!?

Wheeljack: So you're awake, now, my ice cream, When Hot Shot asks for the ice cream, he isn't going to get any! *Mad cackle, licks Sideswipes face*

Sideswipe: Hey, slow down sweet stuff!

Wheeljack: ..............*Edges away* Now I need a cone, and my ice-cream cone shall be complete! *Looks at the monitor, sees Thrust transform outside, looking around confused* Perfect, muwahahahah!

Sideswipe: Man, couldn't you have at least had chocolate flavored ice cream, Vanilla sucks...

Wheeljack: Silence! *Whaps him with a beat down stick, then licks the ice cream off the stick* Ice Cream can't talk!

Sideswipe: Ice cream is gonna shove its foot up yo ass if you don't stop being a freak.

Wheeljack: *Starts sobbing* Even the ice cream rejects me

Sideswipe: Wait, no stop, don't......ugh. *Sighs and holds out his arm* Want a lick?

Wheeljack: *Through tears* Yes... *Licks his arm, sideswipe shudders* So goooood.


During all this, Thrust, the poor sap, makes his way towards the ice cream factory...

Thrust: *Walking around* Well, this is the location of the Dece- *Is shot and falls over, out cold*

Wheeljack: *Blows smoke off of his gun* Now.....now I finally have my cone!

4 days later...

Thrust: *Wakes up to find his head tied to Sideswipe* What the?!

Wheeljack: *Observes his ice cream, which has melted several times, and gotten several new coats of ice cream...and has flies around it* Now....NOW I HAVE MY ULTIMATE ICE CREAM CONE!!!

Thrust: The bloody hell!? I'm strapped to this Autobot's butt! And I have ice cream running down me! What is going on!

Wheeljack: Cone's can't talk either!

Sideswipe: So what exactly is this supposed to achieve?

Wheeljack: I'm denying Hot Shot of what he wants most, you! That is, Ice Cream! Since he didn't give it to me all those years ago, I won't give him any either!

Thrust: By my Martha Stewart's Daily Collection! How long has he been like this?

Sideswipe: Waaaaayyyy to long.

Meanwhile, the clever Autobot, Hot Shot, begins his foolproof plan of Autobot crafty cleverness...

Hot Shot: *Standing outside the ice cream factory with a fake moustache on* Delivery for Mr. Jack

Wheeljack: Hey cool, maybe it's my new triple vanilla ice cream! *Answers the door, and finds a bad of flaming dog shit on his door step, he steps it out, receiving his foot smelling likes crap. He sees Hot Shot run away and shakes his fist at him* YOU DARN KIDS! *Slams the door behind him*

Hot Shot runs behind a bush, chuckling as Jolt sighs.

Hot Shot: That showed him, mission accomplished.

Jolt: First I won't even mention that it took four days for you to pull that off, but HOW THE HELL WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP?!?!? *Flails arms*

Hot Shot: Uh, his foot stinks now….duh. Jolt, we would have been mauled by grizzly bears if it wasn't for my leadership potential.

Jolt *Face-palms* Primus...I have to do everything myself *Stomps off to the ice cream factory*

Jolt knocks on the door, and Wheeljack opens it up.

Wheeljack: Hello little boy, what's your name?

Jolt: Jolt. I uh....lost my parents. Can I use your phone?

Wheeljack: Sure! Come in little boy. *Mutters* Hehehe, he'll make perfect sprinkles on my ice cream cone!

Jolt: Where's your phone?

Wheeljack: Oh, right by that giant ice cream cone...why don't you go stand by it?

Jolt: *Looks at Thrust and Sideswipe, both whispering "Help me"* Lordy, how stupid does he think I am.

*turns to Wheeljack* I don't want to use that phone, that phone is DIRTY.

Wheeljack: Looks clean to me.

Jolt: No, it's really, really DIRTY!

Wheeljack: Why do you keep emphasizing the word dirty?



Jolt: Awwww hell with it, HOT SHOT GET IN HERE YOU IDIOT!

Hot Shot: Oh right, yeah, yeah, forgot, Dirty was the signal word. *Jolt face-palms again*

Wheeljack: Wha? How could Hot Shot get in here with my wonderful, stupendous security system?! *Points to a bowl full of ice cream near the door with one of those rope things around it*

Hot Shot:...Hey cool, ice cream! *Grabs it, and is hung by his foot upside down* AGH! NOOOOO!!!!! *Tries to reach for the ice cream*

Jolt:.……………*Face-palms yet again and bites Wheeljack on the ankle*

Wheeljack: OW! *Kicks him off* You're sprinkle dust, Mini-con! *Points his gun at him*


Meanwhile, at the Autobot Store of Goodie-goodies for Goodie-goodies.

Prime turning the channels, getting nothing but static "Damn Reception!" *Turns on the emergency sirens, Red Alert, Jetfire, Scavenger, Blurr, and assorted Mini-cons run in, as does the kids, first thing Prime does it kicks Billy into a wall*

Jetfire: Despite not being able to complain about your last decision, why are the alarms on?

Prime: Well kicking the human was supposed to help the reception...how I don't know, but now its time for plan B!

Scavenger: Which is? *half hour later, Prime is on the couch, you can hear 'Three's company's theme playing as Prime claps, all of a sudden the reception gets snowy...Prime shoots Fred with his wrist lasers for no reason* "Jetfire! Don't move!!!!"

*Jetfire and Scavenger, wrapped in tin foil, are holding the antenna as Red Alert and Blurr, also in tin foil, are on their shoulders, holding hands...on their hands, Sparkplug, Jolt, Long arm, Liftor, Incinerator, Rollbar, Commettor, Grindor, Highwire, Sureshock, and Ransack are all making a pyramid on Blurr and Red Alert's arms, also covered in tin foil. Smokescreen is standing on one leg on the mini-con pyramid his other legs and arms stretched, and his long arm pointing straight up, all covered in tin foil. Prime continues to sing along with the 3's company theme*

Jetfire: Sir…I can't feel my legs. *Starts to twitch, but makes himself stop as Prime narrows his optics and aims his gun at Jetfire* On second thought, I've never felt better, eheheheh………


Meanwhile again, back at the Deadly Ice Cream Factory of Assorted Pointy Objects...

Jolt: *Summons his really big gun from subspace and shoot's Wheeljack's hand*

Wheeljack: The hell!? When does a mini-con get such a big gun??

Jolt: When you're an idiot! So always, now dance! *Shoots at Wheeljack repeatedly*

Wheeljack: OW OW HOTFOOT! *Starts doing the macarena*

Jolt: That's better, but I'm feeling Irish tonight, give me River Dance!

Wheeljack: That's Irish? *Jolt shoots at him* OW! Ok, ok, River Dance now! *Does so as Jolt claps*

Thrust: hello? Decepticon strapped to an Autobot's ass over here, I could use some help!

Sideswipe: Ya know, this isn't too bad.

Thrust: Ugh! *Flails about, ice cream spattering about*

Wheeljack: No! Stop! GACK! *Gets shot by Jolt, who sighs and shoots the rope holding Hot Shot*

Hot Shot: *Falls to the ground with a cartoon-like thud, and quickly gets up*…....*Looks around to see Jolt and Wheeljack brawling*....YOU GET 'EM, GRINDOR!

Jolt: The things I put up with *Sighs and flies into the air, and kicks Wheeljack in the optic*

Wheeljack: *Falls over backwards, holding his face* BWA!

Hot Shot: QUICK! Now's our chance! *Goes for the trap ice cream, and falls into the trap yet again*

Jolt: Screw it, I'm not getting you down again *Unties Thrust and Sideswipe while Wheeljack gets up*

Hot Shot: *Flails arms pathetically*

Wheeljack: No! You can't escape! *Shoots at Jolt, who dodges with ease and throws ice cream into his face* GACK! It hurts so good!

Thrust: Screw this! *Warps away*

Sideswipe: Call me! *Sighs as Thrust leaves, and notices Hot Shot still hanging from the rope*...How'd you get up there?

Wheeljack: *Ice cream dripping off his face* I may have lost my cone....*Points his weapon at Sideswipe* But I still have my ice cream! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Megatron: *Warps in with his hands on his waist...pink Speedo still on* Wheeljack, welcome to earth!

Wheeljack: *Stares slack jawed, Sideswipe whistles at Megatron* Uh...how'd you get here?

Megatron: No time for that! I need someone to oil me up, now come on! *Grabs Wheeljack and warps away as Sideswipe lunges for him*

Sideswipe: Wait! Come back! I can oil! I have gentle hands!

Hot Shot: *Getting dizzy from being upside down so long*

Jolt: *Sighs* Fiiiine! *Shoots the rope, and Hot Shot lands in the ice cream*

Sideswipe: Well...that was fun....boy that Megatron sure did look good...

Hot Shot: *Stumbles over to Sideswipe with the ice cream bowl on his head, ice cream dripping off his face* Don't you be going gay on me again, you gaywad!

Sideswipe: I'M NOT- *Is knocked out by Jolt, who in turn knocks out Hot Shot*

Jolt: God...another freak to add to the bunch *Grabs them and warps back to the base just before the ice cream factory mysteriously explodes*


Meanwhile back at the ranch.

Prime: Finally, after many, many, many hours of hard work and random kid killing, I'm finally getting my three's company.

Random voice from pile of overworked Autobots and Mini-cons: Yeah, you sure did all the work

Prime: I'll ignore that *Hot Shot, Sideswipe, and Jolt warp in on top of the TV, throwing off the reception* WHA!

Hot Shot: I'm back Optimus, and I got gaywad back and Jolt didn't help at all, but he wanted to stick to my ass a lot.

Jolt: BLARG! *Shoots Billy* Screw you guys! *flies away*

Prime: You....you...you.......Three's...........Three's....Company.......Cable............Lost..........

Sideswipe: *sees angry Prime* Um...I need to go hit on Blurr, bye now! *Runs off*

Hot Shot: Prime, you don't look so hot


Jetfire: Someone at Hasbro right now had better be suffering...*Turns into Prime's pants, Prime combines with him*

Prime: Jet Optimus! Powerlink!

Jetfire: NO! It's Jet Convoy damnit! Jet CONVOY Powerlink!

Prime: Red Alert I have no time for your insubordination! *Shoots Red Alert as Jet….errr….whoever's Torso and Legs argue.* Fine, I'll find some other way to pummel Hot Shot, I don't need you!

Jetfire: You need me to walk you to the bathroom at night.

Prime: Blasphemy!

Three Days Later...

Hot Shot: AH HA! Take that, Prime!

Optimus: Gah! *losses a Checkers piece* Damnit, Hot Shot, I'm supposed to kick YOUR ass!

Hot Shot: Well when you're in the background as much as me, ya gotta find something to kill time, now pay up!

Prime: Fine, JETFIRE!!

Jetfire: *Walks in* What?

Prime: Hot Shot wishes to powerlink with you.

Jetfire: No.......oooooh no, no, no, no. Its bad enough I'm YOUR pants, but his, too?! Uh-uh, nooo way. Screw you! *Steps on Carlos on the way out, comes back, and rubs his foot on the carcass, and leaves again*

Hot Shot: Damnit, I wanted to be Jet Shotimus or Jet Hotimus, or Hot Jetimus, or, or GACK! *Is smacked by Prime.*

Prime: I'm watching TV now, forget this.


Tidal Wave: SQUEAK!