Title: Finding Good Help

Author: Nopporn Wongrassamee aka the Evil Author

EMail Address: EvilAuthor@aol.com

Archive: Anywhere and everywhere. Just tell me if you do.

Spoilers: Anything goes

Summary: Another Buffy/Potter Crossover. Albus Dumbledore tries to find yet another teacher for DADA class.

Disclaimer: Characters and concepts belong to their owners who I'm too lazy to list.

Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and possessor of numerous titles irrelevant to his day to day job, entered his office one summer morning to find his phoenix Fawkes had returned. The immortal bird had deposited several letters on his desk. They were apparently replies to job offers he had sent out the other day.

It was high summer right now. The students were gone for summer vacation. But as Headmaster, Dumbledore's job didn't cease to exist just because there were no children around. No, there were any number of administrative details that need to be taken care of.

In this case, it was finding yet another victim. er, instructor to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. He had sent many letters out asking unique individuals to fill the position.

With great relish, he opened the first reply.


Dear Professor Dumbledore,

While I am flattered to be offered such a prestigious position at your institution, I must decline your offer. Recent events have left me scurrying to and fro. I have responsibilities now that require a great deal of travel around the world on my part. I simply cannot abandon them.

Deepest regrets,
Rupert Giles


Dumbledore sighed. Perhaps it getting a trained Watcher for the post had been too optimistic. Perhaps the next one was more available.

He reached for the next letter.


To: Professor Albus Dumbledore From: Angel Re: Teaching position at Hogwarts

Professor, I hope this memo reaches you. Your courier is. really unorthodox, even by my standards.

In regards to your job offer, I'm afraid I'll have to decline. Things seem to have gone to Hell here in Los Angeles after recent events this spring. While teaching young minds sounds intriguing, I have far too many responsibilities right now to take on more. One of my current headaches is that I have recently become part owner of a law firm with a less than stellar reputation. Much of my time is spent making sure my "employees" aren't doing shady things behind my back.

Also, I must regretfully inform you that Ms. Chase is also unable to take your job offer. Unless you can wake her from a coma, she will be unavailable for the foreseeable future.

CEO Wolfram & Hart, Los Angeles Branch


That was disappointing. Perhaps the next reply would be more fruitful. Dumbledore picked up another letter.


Dear Professor,

What can I say? Teaching what I've learned fighting the forces of darkness to impressionable young minds sounds fabulous. Unfortunately, I've been much to busy lately, casting spells to locate all the newly activated Slayers around the world. There are so many of them! I'm sorry, but I really can't take up your offer.

Um, Buffy told me to tell you that she can't accept your offer either. She's already busy taking on and training all the new Slayers. In a way, she's already teaching your class, just not at your school.

Speaking of schools, how come no one has ever told me that there are schools where kids could learn magic? It would have saved me a whole lot of trouble a couple years back when I went all dark and nasty and I'm sure you don't want to hear those icky details so I'll shut up now.

Although, now that I know there are schools for magic out there, it's given me an idea. I'll have to talk this over with the others, but founding our own magic school sounds like a great idea. Only we won't take in just little witches and wizards. We'll also take normal people, Slayers, nice demons, and anyone else interested in fighting the forces of darkness. Do you have any advice on setting this up?

Wishing she could accept,
Willow Rosenberg

PS: What's "quidditch"? Is that some sort of wizarding food?


A new wizarding school? It had been ages since the last one had been founded. Dumbledore made a mental note to pass this tidbit of information on to the Salem Institute. If anyone could help Miss Rosenberg, it would be them.

Dumbledore picked up the final letter.


Yo, Prof!


Sorry, dude, but I am so NOT teaching material. If you are a dude. This is a prank, right? Is that you, Red?

By the way, cute bird. What is it?

Laughingly yours,


With a sigh, Dumbledore reached for blank parchment and his quill. He had another stack of letters to write. Good help was so hard to find these days.

Author's note:
This fic was intended to poke fun at all those fanfics where one of the Scoobies would wind up teaching DADA at Hogwarts. Since none of the Scooby gang ever learned "proper" magic, I think none of them would be really qualified to teach DADA full time. Although there are niche specialties that they can teach as shown in Don Sample's Harry Potter and the Key of Dagon, they can't teach spells the students can use.