Chapter One: Let the Games Begin!!

"blah"=speech 'blah'=thoughts

If anything looks crowded, I'm so sorry! It's my first fic.

Disclaimer: I no own RK.

Kenshin tossed and moaned in his sleep, squeezing the death out of his pillow. Awakening suddenly, he sat up. His eyes had golden rims for a little, but went back to normal. "Ororo! Bad Sessha!! No hentai thoughts!! Nonono!" he scolded, smacking his forehead. Battosai appeared in his mind, snickering.

'You want her so bad, don't you?' he teased. Kenshin pouted. 'You should be quiet, de gozaru. Sessha is unworthy of her.' 'Both of us know that's not true, rurouni.' said Battosai, smirking quite devilishly. He started to tease in the meanest way. 'You want to hug her, you want to kiss her, you want to-' 'Find a way to shut you up.' Kenshin now sported a nice red color that rivaled his hair. Battosai still laughed even harder. 'If we worked together and tried seducing her, we could really get somewhere. Think it over.' He suggested, smirking. Kenshin looked mortified. 'But you are a hentai! A huge one! Kaoru-dono would slap and shinai-whack us senseless!' he cried, attempting to get Battosai away.

'So what?'

'HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SMACKED OVER THE HEAD WITH A SHINAI BY THE HANDS OF AN ANGRY KAORU-DONO?!?' screamed Kenshin, getting up in Battosai's face. 'Whatever happened to our godspeed? Are we a mere demigod now?' demanded Battosai, pushing Kenshin away. 'Fine, Sessha will think about it. Just go to sleep now, de gozaru!!' shouted Kenshin, throwing a bewildered Battosai as far away as possible. 'Oro! That is not funny, that it isn't!!' cried Battosai as he sailed towards his little corner in Kenshin's mind. 'Sessha must be rubbing off on him.'

That afternoon, Sanosuke dropped by for a free lunch. Having escaped the wrath of Yahiko's teeth on his head, Sano was looking for a human shield. "Oi, Jou-chan, you home? Is anyone besides the runt even here?" "Oh, konichiwa, Sano. Come for lunch?" asked Kenshin, looking up from scrambling four eggs. "You okay, man? You look like you haven't gotten a wink of sleep." asked Sano, testing for a fever or something. Kenshin smiled, and then spoke. "Battosai's getting impatient with Sessha about Kaoru-dono. He suggested seduction."

As if he had a bad headache, he winced and held his head. Recovering, he looked up at Sano. Golden eyes glinted in the noon sun from a shadowy face-Battosai was in control. "That baka rurouni just doesn't give up. I want that girl! I know she likes us, but we could go so much farther." he growled. Sano was in a panicked state. "Y-yeah, I'm with ya 100% man, but PLEASE don't kill me!!!" He stared fearfully at the chopping knife Battosai had absently pointed at his head. Noticing the stare was directed at his hand, Battosai looked down.


Battosai then threw the knife, missing Sano by mere millimeters and jamming it three inches into its wooden holster. Sano squeaked. Such deadly accuracy was scary, but the fact that the thrown item was a knife and was thrown just past his temple was even scarier. Altogether, this classified as a traumatizing event for rooster-boy.

Kenshin regained control. "I am so sorry, that I am!! That bakayaro Battosai just drives me mad!!" Sano nodded mutely, sidling out of the kitchen slowly. His last (rather shaky) comment was "Consider Battosai's offer, I like it. Need help, ask me."

Battosai was receiving a verbal thrashing from an angry rurouni- something that is almost completely unheard of. 'You BAKA! Did you even notice that you nearly killed my best friend?! Never do that AGAIN!! Brick headed moron!!!' roared Kenshin, swearing roundly at Battosai. The said persona flinched, reminding himself to never piss Kenshin off again. 'You bloody idiot! Are you even listening to me??' demanded Kenshin, violet eyes livid with suppressed rage. Battosai oroed then dashed off to his corner for safety.

Once Kenshin was cooled off considerably, lunch had been half-finished. Unfortunately, only the rice and sushi was done. Yahiko and Kaoru were training still, and Sano was off doing who knows what since lunch wasn't done. Battosai, however, had a plan. He had Kenshin go out and buy a small hibachi (charcoal brazier) and two small knives, a spatula, shrimp, ginger sauce and soy sauce. If Kenshin remembered correctly, Battosai was a hibachi chef while in hiding for awhile. This could prove interesting, even if it was Battosai doing the showing-off to Kaoru-dono.

Sano was back when Kenshin got home, so everyone sat down for lunch. As Kenshin was serving the sushi, he tripped. All twenty-four rolls went flying up over the table. "ORO!! Please, just wait! Sessha shall get it!" he cried as he grabbed chopsticks and using them to catch and serve the sushi. He moved so fast that almost no one saw him. The only pointer to his presence was that airborne sushi vanished then reappeared on one of the four plates. The sushi saved, Kenshin relaxed. He reappeared balancing on the table's edge. Yahiko looked like a kid at a circus. "That was so cool!!! Man, Kenshin, you're so fast!" he shouted. Kaoru shot Kenshin a wink. The rurouni turned cherry and fell over with a thud.

"Sessha will go get the shrimp and drinks. No stealing Sessha's sushi," said Kenshin, smiling sheepishly at Kaoru. Turning, he let Battosai take over. He got out the hibachi and started to heat it up as the tea steeped. That being done, he put the shrimp, rice, and other important items onto the hibachi.

Everyone snapped to attention as they noticed the hibachi. "Kenshin's a hibachi chef too?" asked Yahiko, stifling laughter. Battosai sent Sano an 'It begins' look. Sano looked even more interested now. 'If he's gonna try to impress the tanuki, this is going to be real good.' he thought, smirking. Battosai put a good-sized slab of butter on the hibachi, which melted quickly. The rice went on top, as did egg, carrots, peas and the two sauces. Kaoru smiled even bigger. "Fried rice! Yes!" Battosai gave her a coy smile. Noticing his eyes, Kaoru started. 'Battosai's the cook? I better keep that quiet.What was the smile for?'

The rice done, Battosai gave everyone a bowlful. Yahiko took one bite, and then began to stuff his face at an alarming rate. Sano, being Sano, had already finished his. The shrimp was next. Battosai cooked them, then tossed everyone nine. They all landed on the plates without fail. The last four on the grill were carefully cut into different animals or sculptures. Sano got a rooster (duh), Yahiko got a little dog, and Kaoru got a heart. He gave himself a (rather messy) tiger. Everyone got green tea after that. Sano fussed about wanting sake, but Kaoru just jammed his face into an extra rice bowl. Battosai cleaned up, then joined the group. For caution, he let Kenshin regain control.

"I had no idea you were such a great cook, Kenshin." said Kaoru, scooting a little closer to the blushing rurouni. She whispered just loud enough for him to hear-"The two of you were great. Tell Battosai I said thanks."

'See? It worked fairly well. Now for true seduction.' said Battosai, looking smug. Kenshin nodded. 'No hentai junk. Sessha will make the first few moves.' At that phrase, Battosai's jaw fell open. The rurouni suggested he go first!

Ta da! I know it's short, but then again, if your mother boots you off every five minutes, you can't get much done. she is so mean. Anyway, R&R. At the insistence of a reviewer, some parts have been changed. Sorry, Sessha-sama! *bows deeply* Ask any other questions you like, but try not to flame. I am a pyro, so it won't matter, but no one likes mean reviews. Ja! Jiro Hikari