"Cell Block Tango"

(This is dedicated to every single reviewer of mine. All of you!)

*scene: Six cells are in a row. The cell bars are blood red. Six shadowed women are standing, holding the bars in various poses. A dementor's silhouette passes in front of them, but fades into the dark.

Jail master: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Merry Murderesses of Azkaban's Death Row.... *fades to nothing *

(Lavender)

Pop

(Hermione)

Six

(Ginny)

Squish

(Fleur)

Uh uh

(Padma)

London

(Millicent)

Zabini!

(Lavender)

Pop

(Hermione)

Six

(Ginny)

Squish

(Fleur)

Uh uh

(Padma)

London

(Millicent)

Zabini!

(Lavender)

Pop

(Hermione)

Six

(Ginny)

Squish

(Fleur)

Uh uh

(Padma)

London

(Millicent)

Zabini

(ALL)

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

(Ginny)

I betcha you would have done the same!

(Lavender)

Pop

(Hermione)

Six

(Ginny)

Squish

(Fleur)

Uh uh

(Padma)

London

(Millicent) Zabini!

(Lavendar (Spoken))

You know how people

have these little habits

That get you down. Like Seamus.

Seamus liked to chew gum.

No, not chew. POP.

Well, I came home this one day

And I am really irritated, and

looking for a little sympathy

and there's Seamus layin'

on the hearthrug, drinkin' a beer

and chewin'. No, not chewin'.

Poppin'. So, I said to him,

I said, "Seamus, you pop that

gum one more time..."

and he did.

So I took my wand out of my pocket

and I fired two warning spells...

...into his head.

(GIRLS)

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!

(ALL)

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!

(Hermione (Spoken))

I met Ezekiel Young from

America about two years ago

and he told me he was single

and we hit it off right away.

So, we started living together.

He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd

mix him a drink, we'd have dinner.

Well, it was like heaven in

two and a half of a flat.

And then I found out,

"Single" he told me?

Single, my arse. Not only

was he married

...oh, no, he had six wives.

One of those Mormons, you know. So that

night, when he came home, I mixed him

his drink as usual.

You know, some guys just can't hold

their Draught of Death.

(GIRLS)

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself

To blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have done the same

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself

to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!

(Lavendar, Hermione, Ginny, Millicent]

Hah! He had it coming

He had it coming

He took a flower

In its prime

And then he used it

And he abused it

It was a murder

But not a crime!

(Padma and Fleur)

Pop, six, squish, uh-uh

Cicero, Lipschitz

(Ginny (Spoken))

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen

carvin' up the chicken for dinner,

muggle style, for better taste

and in storms my husband Draco,

in a jealous rage.

"You been screwin' Potter!"

he says. He was right!

and he kept screamin',

"you been screwin Potter!"

And then he ran into my knife.

He ran into my knife ten times!

(GIRLS)

Pop,Six,

Squish,Uh-uh,

London,Lipschitz

Pop, Six,

Squish,Uh-uh,

London,Lipschitz

Pop,Six,

Squish,Uh-uh,

London,Lipschitz

(ALL)

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

(Fleur (Spoken)) *indistinguishable French*

(Ginny (Spoken))

Yeah, but did you do it?

(Fleur)

UH UH, not guilty!

(GIRLS)

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had

Himself to blame.

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it tricks in a row,

one,two,three,

I betcha

You would

Have done

The same!

He had

It coming

He had it coming...

(Padma)

My sister, Parvati and

I did this double act

and my husband, Dean,

used to travel round with us.

Now, for the last number in

our act, we did these 20 acrobatic

four,five...splits, spread eagles,

back flips,flip flops,

one right after the other.

Well, this one night we were in London,

the three of us, sittin' up

in a hotel room, boozin' and

havin' a few laughs and

we ran out of ice.

So I went out to get some.

I come back, open the door

and there's Parvati and

Dean doing Number Seventeen-

the spread eagle.

Well, I was in such a state of shock,

I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.

It wasn't until later,

when I was washing the blood off my wand

I even knew they were dead.

(Padma)

They had it coming

They had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn't do it

But if I'd done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

(Padma)

They had it coming

(GIRLS)

They had it coming

(Padma)

They had it coming

(GIRLS)

They had it coming

(Padma)

They had it coming

(GIRLS)

They took a flower

(Padma)

All along

(GIRLS)

In its prime

(Padma)

I didn't do it

(GIRLS)

And then they used it

(Padma)

But if I'd done it

(GIRLS)

And they abused it

(Padma)

How could you tell me

(GIRLS)

It was a murder

[Padma]

That I was wrong?

(GIRLS)

But not a crime!

(Millicent)

I loved Blaise Zabini

more than I can possibly say.

He was a real artistic guy...

sensitive... a painter.

But he was troubled.

He was always trying

to find himself.

He'd go out every night

looking for himself

and on the way

he found Celestina,

Gladys,

Rosemary and Jack.

I guess you can say we broke

up because our artistic differences.

He saw himself as alive

and I saw him dead.

(GIRLS)

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had

Himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha

You would

Have done

The same!

(ALL)

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

(Lavender, Hermione, Millicent)

They had it comin'

(Padma, Ginny, Fleur)

They had it comin'

(Lavender, Hermione, Millicent)

They had it comin'

(Padma, Ginny, Fleur)

They had it comin'

(Lavender, Hermione, Millicent)

They had it comin'

(Padma, Ginny, Fleur)

They had it comin'

(Lavender, Hermione, Millicent)

All along

(Padma, Ginny, Fleur)

All along

'Cause if they used us

'Cause if they used us And they abused us

And they abused us

(Lavender, Hermione, Millicent)

How could you tell us

(Padma, Ginny, Fleur)

How could you tell us That we were wrong?

That we were wrong?

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had

Himself

To blame.

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha

You would

Have done

The same!

(Lavendar (Spoken))

You pop that gum one more time!

(Hermione (spoken))

Single my ass.

(Ginny (Spoken))

Ten times!

(Fleur (Spoken))

*indistinguishable French*

(Padma (Spoken))

Number seventeen-the spread eagle.

(Millicent (Spoken))

Artistic differences.

(ALL)

I betcha you would have done the same!

*fade to dark*