13 - "In My Own Words"
Originally Written: March 8th, 2000

Journal entry...well...one, August 25th, 2000.
It's been exactly three months and five days since I've escaped my father. I've decided
to keep a journal to record my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, and any other muses that
cross my mind. I'm sitting at my desk in front of a book, holding a pen in my taloned
hands, waiting for the chance to fill these blank pages with my written words. Lexington
tried to get me to use his computer, but I'm still not used to tapping those buttons with
talons like these. Besides, I enjoy writing.

My life has taken quite a turn since I was freed. I have a new family and a new home,
and new responsibilities. Nightly patrols we fly over our city, searching for signs
of...uhm, 'wrongdoings'. (Othello's words...not mine!) I was little hesitant to risk my
life night after night for most of those who would rather see us dead. But, I think of my
mother and how she protected me from my father, and how Todd rescued me from the
hired mercenaries. I believe I owe a debt to the innocent, the same breed of those
humans I have come to cherish and who want nothing more than a safe life for their
families.

Well...I might as well start by describing my new room bestowed to me by the Xanatos'.

I've never had a room like this. Fox called it small compared to the other bedrooms in
the castle, but it's sure as hell big enough for me. Three large bay windows flood the
room with moonlight, providing me with a grand view of the city's glowing lights.
There's a bed to the side. Even though I never use it to sleep, I've left it there as it's one
of my favorite places to read. And if Todd crashes here for the day, I prefer he stays in
my room. Why? If you don't know, then you shouldn't be asking.

I've never had a room to call my own, when I lived with my adoptive parents, it was
more of a cell. I love it!! A place where I can have my privacy. I prefer to be alone
sometimes, even though I usually spent a lot of my childhood by myself. I guess I got
used to it, like Shadow. But, of course, I still enjoy getting out a lot now that I have the
freedom to do so whenever I please. The castle, the city, the entire world is there for me
to explore, with my new friends to guide me along the way.

I guess I should start with the Xanatos'. David, Fox and cute little Alexander. A
wonderful family who have tried to put their troubled past behind them. I like Fox, (and
that cool tattoo. Maybe I should get one. Todd has a large tribal design covering most of
his upper back, forming a head of a tiger, but I often wonder...would my stone sleep
'cure' my tattoo?). Anyway, she is a terrific and giving woman. Under her guidance, her
company donates millions of dollars to charity every year. I think she's trying to outdo
her husband, she always loves competition.

Alexander, with the deepest green eyes and fiery red hair and that immensely adorable
dimple. I've never seen a mother and son who understand each other so well, even if the
son is barely four years of age. I guess it's their Fae heritage which bonds them so.

And then there's David Xanatos, (Gotta love that sneaky grin). He almost choked on his
tongue when I called him by his first name. The others always call him 'Xanatos'. I
believe that's their way of telling him that they are still weary, especially Elisa and the
rest of the Maza family. They have accepted Fox, but her husband is another story. But
he's trying, I can see it in his eyes whenever I speak with him. Goliath told me all about
his...misdeeds years ago. But from what I've seen, he's trying his best to change. I
believe he can. I believe he already has.

Goliath. Even his simple name speaks volumes for the giant leader. He's absolutely
massive, I have to crane my neck just to meet his eyes. He's got muscles where I didn't
think even existed. (I find myself wondering what he conceals under that loincloth, and
get a little envious that Elisa hogs him all to herself. Hey, I'm only kidding...) His
presence fills any room he enters. Seven feet, seven inches and seven hundred pounds, a
mixture of muscle, power, charm, grace, intelligence, and sex appeal. What woman
wouldn't fall under his spell, human or gargoyle? He has an undying devotion to his
family and friends. His very nature is to protect, to keep his loved ones from harm.

I've noticed that he isn't very fond of twentieth century technology, he calls it a
necessary evil in the human's world, but he understands it better than anyone believes,
(and I think he's beginning to warm up to it). He is willing to use it if it means being
closer to the clan. Using the phone to keep in touch with Elisa or his human friends.
Watching the television with the younger generation or scanning the news programs.
Using the computers and surfing the 'enternet' (as he often mistakenly calls it) to get the
latest info on various worldly events. He even plays video games when he thinks no one
is watching. I've actually come home early from patrol and found him huddled in front
of the nintendo or playstation, a large smile on his face as his large hands skillfully
manipulate the controller.

A large, imposing warrior on the outside, a gentle, caring soul on the inside. That must
be why Elisa loves him. It's still weird seeing that married couple, so different, and yet,
so similar. I love it when he wraps his huge arms around his small wife, it looks just like
a child with it's favorite stuffed toy. (If Elisa knew I'd wrote that, she'd probably kill
me.)

Detective Elisa Maza. The scourge of the criminal element. Five foot seven of pure
willpower and a spitfire in tight jeans. She reminds me so much of my mother, willing to
go to any length to protect her family. Elisa is always there to show me things I've never
seen before. She took me on my first real tour of New York, pointing out the highlights
of the Big Apple, (though she still won't tell me why they call it that). She would tell me
of her adventures with the gargoyles, especially her travels to Avalon with Goliath.

When I first met her, she was three months pregnant, and hardly noticeable. Now, at six
months, she can barely close her jacket, and she still has three more months to go. She
spends most of her time with her husband, either in the library or in their unbelievable
bedroom. She lights up whenever he enters the room, I can almost feel the spark when
their eyes meet. They finish each other's sentences and know each other's thoughts. She
seems to gather strength from him, and vice versa. It's like there's an invisible force that
binds them. It's more powerful than anything I've ever seen. I hope I can find something
like that someday...

Hudson. The grandfather I never had. The soldier, who's fought more battles than most
humans ever will. The storyteller, who regales the younger generation with tales of love
and adventure. The advisor, who is always there to help guide Goliath and Brooklyn on
some of their most important decisions. And of course, the hockey fan. He's a big
supporter of the Rangers. I often hear him yelling at the TV in his room. He seems to
have settled in to this century quite well.

I've gone with him to the Labyrinth to watch him teach the clones. He patiently helps
them as they struggle with math problems or words they can't pronounce. A warrior
tempered by a millennium of battle, yet a kind-hearted gargoyle who enjoys a good cup
of tea. Especially if it's poured by Jeffrey Robbins or Maria Chavez. He often visits the
captain, and barely makes it back before dawn. I wonder what they talk about? (Perhaps
that old dog is learning some new tricks after all...)

Brooklyn. The loner. The rebel. The bad-ass of the clan. Even though I've heard his
temper's been softened a little by spending forty years bouncing through time. He's the
second in command, he and Goliath make the hard decisions, for the betterment of the
clan. I think he'll make a great leader some day, but he's in no rush to take over. After
being away from his family for so many years, he just wants to spend time with his
brothers and sisters.

Both he and Todd have taken me out to the theater to show me some amazing movies,
(mostly in the rafters above. Todd once dressed me in a large trench coat and hat and we
sat in the back row, an incredible experience, but my feet got all sticky. What in God's
name do humans eat in there?). He's also taken me to see some of the motorbike shows
that pass through here, he almost drools when looking at the newest Harleys and
Kawasakis through the skylight. He has a great sense of humor, often making me laugh
almost as much as Todd. They are so alike, it's eerie. They seem to be getting along
really well. He can lighten anyone's mood instantly. I think a good sense of humor is
very, very sexy, and it's probably what caught Sata's attention.

Sata. The time displaced samurai warrior. A beautiful woman whose exterior belies the
warrior within. Her great courage is a welcome addition to the clan. She left behind her
family to join Brooklyn on his timedancing. She must miss them very much. I can't
even imagine leaving everything I know to brave the virtual unknown, but I guess that's
the power of love. She often tells me of her native land, how beautiful the forests were,
how the roaring rivers flowed and the mighty castles that rose above the ground. It must
be hard to have been thrown into a world that she didn't quite understand, but her home
is with Brooklyn and her family are the twins. Wherever they are, that is where she
belongs. She's an honest gargoyle and a wonderful mother to a pair of hyperactive
hatchlings.

Graeme and Arianna. Like two atom bombs with wings, ready to explode at any minute.
They have seen many strange things in their short time on this planet, but have taken it
with stride. They're always eager to show me the newest movie or video game or music
C.D. Graeme possesses the humor and cunning of his father and Arianna, the beauty and
strength of her mother. They may squabble frequently, but I think if they were ever
separated, they would loose a piece of themselves. They are strongest together, and I
hope they will always be there for each other.

Lexington. The smartest and nicest guy I've ever met. He's got the coolest wings, like a
flying squirrel, even though he hates that analogy. I heard they're rare, just like him. So
trusting, so friendly. He opens himself up to complete strangers, giving them absolutely
no reason to fear him. He did that with me when I first arrived here, he suckered me in
with those big puppydog eyes of his. He seems very friendly towards me, and I mean
extremely friendly, sometimes going out of his way to make me comfortable. He even
sent flowers to my new room when I first moved in. I wonder if...nah, couldn't be.

As the gargoyle who adapted the quickest to this century's technology, he's often found
in front of the computer screen, either chatting with his online friends (mostly Liz),
playing video games, or testing the newest piece of techware.

I recently learned he was...outfitted with cybernetic parts against his will, just before the
clan's battle with Madoc. The second time he trusted a human and was hurt again, this
time with disastrous consequences. He's never fully recovered from that. But he's not
willing to give up on humanity just yet. Elisa, Todd, Fox, David, Alex, the Mazas,
Bluestone, Jasper, Chavez, Liz, and many other humans, he has come to call his friend. I
hope he will have more.

Broadway. The gourmet, detective wannabe. He's always eating or cooking or spending
his time with his mate. Having recently learned to read, he loves the detective stories and
often bugs Elisa about the cases she and Matt take on. He's told me that if he ever got a
job, he'd be a chef or a cop. I think he could pull off both. A great guy. And so
protective of Angela, if another guy even breathes around her, you'll be sucking your
food through a straw. He's also a very big guy. He often eats his own creations (he must
have a pretty good metabolism), and is bugged by the other members of the 'trio' about
his girth, even though they don't mean anything by it.

The trio. The three inseparable brothers who I heard have drifted apart slightly over the
years. But in recent months, they've been spending a lot of time together. I hope they
realize just how important that bond is.

Angela. Goliath's first born and just as stubborn as her father. She possesses his strength
and courage and the determination of her mother, Demona. I also see a lot of Elisa in
her, obviously trying to be just like her human mentor. She and Elisa are the best of
friends, a relationship that goes beyond step-daughter and step-mother. She extended the
hand of friendship to me when I was first brought here. Just like her, I learned of
everything around me, having lived isolated from this new world. But she was lucky
enough to be raised on Avalon with her own kind, and three very special guardians. She
was surrounded by love and family and grew up as a strong, independent woman.

She's very beautiful too, but I know Todd only steals glances when I'm looking, just to
make me mad. (And that handsome bastard succeeds...)

Othello and Desdemona. Another great couple. Now they have the life story that
belongs in a paperback. They were destroyed in their stone sleep a thousand years ago
and their spirits were torn from the other side to be trapped in some unfeeling robot. For
years, three souls fought to gain control of the Coldstone cyborg, only to be placed in
separate bodies, and then found some measure of peace. But after the whole Madoc
mess, they were granted their original bodies. They were restored, complete. After ten
centuries, their love was strong enough to keep them together, and now they have a
second chance to live again. (Sigh...)

Othello is a warrior through and through, always diligent about patrols and keeping the
innocent safe, but still takes the time to pick flowers for his beloved, (of course, that
tenth century dialect becomes annoying sometimes...who the hell still uses 'Twouldn't
anymore??).

Desdemona is a patient, intelligent gargoyle with an elegant beauty. She enjoys the
library as much as I do, and tends to the massive gardens in the castle courtyard. I often
see them together, embraced in each other's arms. It's like their touch reminds them of
how much they lost and just how much they have regained. I hope they live a long and
happy life together.

Shadow. What can I say? He lives for the fight. When he's not in his tower meditating
or playing his flute, he's in the gym working out. He's like Jean Claude Van Damme,
Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee all rolled into one. I sometimes see him sparring with some
others of the clan, Sata, Othello, David, Fox...and Goliath. Now there's a fight we should
charge admission for. Unbelievable. They usually go at it for hours, neither getting the
upper hand. Shadow's skill and slight speed advantage is matched by Goliath's sheer
strength and battle experience. You can hear the walls shake when they fight.

It's funny. I'll see him in the gym one moment, and reading in the library the next. He's
soft spoken and quiet, and always there to listen to your problems. Maybe that's why
Delilah has a crush on him.

It's so cute. She'll follow him around like a lost puppy. But I don't think he knows how
she cares for him, she's too afraid to reveal her feelings. She is so innocent, and so
honest, to the point where you can't believe she was created by some psychotic clone.
She's like me in some aspects, learning about the world and being alone before finding a
real family to love. I always love the expression on her face when she catches sight of
Shadow...I wonder if I look that way when I see Todd?

Well, I'm gazing into the mirror on my desk, and I see the same dopey smile on my face.
Great, I hope nobody has noticed this... They know we're friends, but... Oh, who am I
kidding? Todd. Even his name makes me smile. Three months ago he risked his life to
save mine, and he's been there every day for me since. He held me in his arms when I
visited mom's grave. He takes me for moonlight walks in central park and taught me to
dance. He loves taking me to the movies or watching videos over at his apartment.

He's an extremely talented artist who pays the rent by drawing and painting wonderful
pictures. He's what is referred to as a...vidiot? (I hope I'm using Brooklyn's term
correctly), he's into movies, television and, of course, video games. He owns tons of
videos and often brings a couple over to share with me every week. He once made me
watch 'Scream'...Dear God, I thought I was going to tear his arm off as I was hanging on
to it the entire movie.

...I just looked into the mirror again and that expression is still there. I've never felt this
way about anyone. Of course, I did spend my life imprisoned in my father's mansion, but
that's beside the point. I've never had a real relationship before and I confess that I'm a
little scared. I think I may lov... uuuhhhhh... I really, really, really, like him, surely
showing it by the kiss I gave him that night. I wonder what it would be like to go even
further? Desdemona told me about the drawings he made after I crashed through his
bathroom window, and how he wandered the streets searching for me. The way he said
he would take care of me, the way he held my hand, the way he wrapped his strong arms
around me when I was severely hurt. He must feel something for me. I hope...

Well, I guess I'll find out soon as he's coming over to the castle tomorrow night. Do I
like him? Yes. Do I want to be with him? All the time. Do I love him?

...........

You know what, I'll tell you tomorrow night.