Title: I'm Your Fella, Cinderalla!

Chapter: One

Author: Suziefox

POV: Kalia

Disclaimer: We do not own Tolkein, or any part of the LOTR empire. We are merely borrowing their toys and playing with them a bit. ;-)

A/N: This story was co-authored by Andariel666. A/U with some fellowship cameos perhaps…read and enjoy. This is what happens when two women stay up too late and discuss their interest in two elves…..


There is something to be said of out-dated seasonal rituals that we elves embark upon every season, but I think I said about all I have to say about it.  That said I do have a few more things to add. It's a pain, and requires perfectly happy people get out of bed before sunrise, gather some other person's belongings, and cart their lives around on a rickety wagon for four months while his royal highness proves once again to the world, that he is the best archer middle-earth has ever had. I fail to see what warrants the excitement.

  So there I was, the first day of the week, arriving in the fair house of Rivendell, to be the prince of Mirkwood's lackey while he's out and about with the other men, playing around with his arrows. Never understood the fascination with men and their sticks. As usual, the Prince's horse, Arod, didn't want to comply with my simple request for him to join the other horses in the stables. Mangy bugger fancies himself to be special. Well, he is special, I mean, with a name like Arod, who can blame him? Before I could properly analyze the Prince's phallic obsession, something warm, wet, and sharp clamped down at on my breast.

"Ow, by the Valor, what is your problem! Those aren't apples." Damn animal bit me! I glared into his liquid brown eyes, and he had the nerve to snort. I guess he wasn't very impressed with my selection. Typical.

 Before I could respond the warning bell rang. Damn, I had to make haste. Elrond himself was going to be assigning duties, and as a visitor, I did not want to aggravate him. If only, this damn horse would comply! I tugged at his bridle once again, and he would not yield. I lost my footing, and fell face first into the mud. At least, I hoped it was mud.

"That is it!" I rose from the ground, wiping the brown mess from my eyes. Arod simply looked down at me, thoroughly bored. He might be bigger, but I knew I was smarter. I walked behind him. If I could just find something sharp...

 In hindsight, I should have moved away from his legs. I poked him with a rusty pitchfork, and he reared up in pain, and without thinking, his legs shot out. He missed me, barely might I add, but I was so startled, I jumped back, into a door, and before I knew it the walls of the stable were crashing down around me. Luckily, damp hay broke my fall. The bell rang again, and I knew I was certainly going to be late.

"What do you think you are doing?" Oh dear. I would pay for this.

"I was trying to put his majesty's horse away." I sounded like a silly elfling, honestly.

"A fine job you did too! Go on child, I will finish this, they are waiting for you! Come Arod!" As if to spite me, the beastly animal complied without as much as a grunt of resistance. I never was good with animals.

 Petrenella, as she introduced herself, helped me up from the hay, but not before she slipped in the mud I had smeared, and fell face first into the hay with me. Once we righted ourselves, we dashed through the halls, (earning many strange looks, quite a genius for making first impressions) and I skidded to a halt before the thin doors of the room where we were supposed to congregate. Unfortunately, Pretrenella wasn't as sure on her feet, and I assaulted the second door of Rivendell. I landed face first on the cool floor, and sincerely wished I could simply stay there.

"Aiya oh!" I could see the older woman had a way with words.

"Nice of you to join us." Elrond didn't look very pleased. He turned to the Prince.

"What is her name, Legolas?"

"Well, hmm..." Of course, why would he know my name? I just made his bed, ironed his clothing, and battled his stuck up horse.

"Kalia. My name is Kalia." I replied. I arched my back, perhaps hoping to add a bit of height, though I was fighting a losing battle. I looked around at the audience, their silent laughter burning my cheeks.

"Well Kalia, now that you are here, we may begin. There is the matter of who shall tend to our honored guests. Haldir, come please." I looked at the mentioned elf curiously. I suppose he was handsome, though I was sure I had never seen an unattractive elf. His locks were long and fell in delicate strands around his long face. He raised his head, and one word came to mind: haughty. Oh dear by the heavens above, please do not have me assigned to him…

"Which servant shall you have as yours?" Elrond replied.

 Haldir looked at the nice, clean line before him. Briefly his eyes settled onto a tall dark haired elf maiden. My eyes followed his, and I looked upon her face. She was beautiful. Large honey-colored eyes shone at him, and the plain servant's garb looked like a fine robe on her. I felt my stomach squish with envy. Her eyes flickered over to me for a moment, and she had a strange grin on her face. I frowned, what was so amusing? I never fancied people who smiled too much. Life had yet to show me much to smile over.

To my dismay, Haldir's eyes followed hers, and he took in my dirty scowling face. I tried to return to my emotionless mask, but it was too late, he had seen. His sky blue eyes flickered with what could have been sympathy, and then glanced over to Legolas. Legolas seemed to be stewing over something, but I did not know what.

"I shall have Kalia."

"On what grounds?" The voice of the prince startled me.

"On the grounds that she has not been properly trained, and the guidance of her people would do her well." I was amazed; this elf was the pinnacle of calm. The younger elf,-Prince bristled.

"Begging your pardon sir, but her mishap was an accident." Petrenella murmured. I looked at her, then glanced again at tall she-elf, whose grin had settled into a proper smirk. What did she think? I was romping with the old bat? Scandalous wretch, that one.

"An accident that had naught to do with her heritage, but rather was an expression of her personal shortcomings, I might add. Furthermore, she is a servant of Greenwood, and should be with her rightful master." Legolas raised a delicate eyebrow, and I bit my tongue. Were he not royalty I would box his ears.

 Haldir opened his mouth to reply, but the firm voice of Elrond interjected.

"Peace. Haldir shall have his choice, and you Legolas, shall have yours."

Legolas glanced around the room, and several of the women straightened themselves up. Good heavens! Sure, the prince was fair, but to put yourself up like some kind of cattle, it was thoroughly demeaning. His gaze settled onto the dark haired elf maiden who smirked at me.

"What is your name?" He replied softly, and I bit back the urge to shiver. She seemed unaffected, and met his gaze.

"Tyrael." She smiled, thus producing there ten million ways to smile.

"I shall have Tyrael." He replied, and it was Haldir's turn to bristle. Ahh, the March Warden had taken a fancy to her? Legolas glanced at Haldir smugly, then spun around in his heels and left the room, pausing to shake his head at the elf-shaped hole in the thin door. Haldir followed suit.

  Elrond went on the finish the assignments, perhaps not noticing the collective glare that was directed towards me. The upper class had a habit of not noticing the emotions of servants. I had managed to become Rivendell's most unpopular elf less than one day. I could read their faces clearly, all in shock over the fuss a dirty small elf from the woods caused between two of the most eligible bachelors in middle earth. Even the dark elf, Tyrael, seemed peeved. When he dismissed us, and ran in the opposite direction from whence I came, eager to avoid their snide remarks.


I had been too busy wallowing in my own embarrassment to notice the location of Haldir's quarters, and after an hour of sightseeing, was now forced to seek them out.

"Which wing did he say? Why do elves build such large houses?"

I opened a door, and poked my head in. Before me two individuals were locked in a compromising embrace. It would seem the cooks and maids of this house were on *very* friendly terms. I slammed the door before they could reply, and bolted down the hallway, tugging frantically at the doors. They were all locked!

"Damn!" I whispered, and heard footsteps. I ran to the next door, and tugged, and found it was open. I dashed inside just as the footsteps ran past the door.

"She could not have gone far!"

 I sighed with relief as their voices grew softer. I couldn't see much, as the room I was in, was more a closet, and very dark. I stood up, and put my hand on the door handle. I froze. More footsteps were coming. I looked in horror as the door handle turned, and then a long body flew into the closet and landed on me.

"Oof!" A long hand clamped over mine.

"Shh." I recognized that hiss. I looked up, and my eyes met the face of none other than the Prince, Legolas.

"Legolas, Legolas?" A sing-song voice called from outside, and he stiffened.

 I wondered who he was running from.

Involuntarily, I cocked my eyebrow. It would seem that the Prince was familiar with navigating women in small broom closets. I wiggled uncomfortably, and my eyes widened as the elf's body stirred. No wonder he had such a phallic interest. I looked up at him, and he tried to reposition himself perhaps to protect his modesty. Too late for that. He leg moved, and before I knew it, he fell forward even more; his long arms lunged out against the wall, for balance. In this motion his erm, excitement thought it would be opportune to poke me in the eye.

"Ow!" He leaned forward, perhaps to stifle my noise, and I received a mouthful of thigh. He found it difficult, as he had somehow stepped into a bucket. Perhaps the prince wasn't deft at broom closet navigation.

 He looked down at me with pained eyes. "Please, be silent!"

 I sighed softly.

"Legolas?" The voice squeaked again. I narrowed my eyes. I could just imagine her. Tall, blonde, and shining in her elven perfect ness. Disgusting. Legolas shivered, as if he heard my thoughts.

We both nearly jumped when we heard a hand on the doorknob, but the Valor had other plans.

"Nessa? There you are – we were looking for you, child! Elrond desires your company."

"Why I do not know." Legolas replied softly. I bit back a smile. Seems the prince was cleverer than I imagined.

"Oh, alright. I was looking for the Prince. Have you seen him?"

"No child, but I am sure you shall find him at dinner. Now come, we do not wish to keep him waiting."

 Their voices faded, and Legolas…relaxed. He looked down at me, a strange smile upon his face.

"Kalia isn't it?" He replied, as if we were sitting at a table having tea.

 I frowned. "His majesty's memory is remarkable." I replied acidly. He worried his eyebrows.

"If you don't mind my asking, why were you in this closet?" He released his grip on the walls and stood up.

"I could ask the same of you." I tried to ignore the location of my face in relation to his crotch.

"You could, but I am the prince, and you are the servant." He replied firmly. I had overstepped my bounds. I panicked. He could send me away, or flog me.

"Right. I was on my way to the March Warden's quarters. I lost my way." I added sheepishly.

"It would seem this day is marked with good people finding themselves in compromising positions." He smirked, and then his eyes flickered from my face to his crotch. His face was unreadable.  

"Please don't tell Haldir. I cannot lose my position – they would kill me in the kitchens!" I tugged at his hands.

"You have very large lips." He replied softly.

"I beg your pardon?" I scowled. Here I was, begging for my employment, and he was flirting?

"You have very large lips. You should not frown so much one cannot notice your lips when you frown."  

Another bell rang, the first warning bell for dinner, and I jumped.

"I need to leave sire." He nodded, and tugged at his tunic.

"As do I." He replied then glanced at me. "Perhaps, if both parties keep their secrets, then no harm is done."

"Indeed." I replied, and he disentangled himself from the various rags and brooms that collected in his hair, and slowly crept out of the closet.  I followed suit, and sincerely prayed that my master, had his hands full so as not to notice my absence.

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