Periscope

SIN Productions

Periscope belongs rightfully to SIN Productions © 2005. Plagiarism is illegal and is considered a crime. Ronin Warriors is © Sunrise, Inc. All rights reserved. Comments and criticism are welcome. Rated PG for Rowen-angst.

Per"iscope, n. Pref. peri- -scope. A general or comprehensive view.


The image of her was fresh in his mind. He could recall every detail with memory and cherished any and all thoughts of her. He had her memorized. From the way she moved her hands when she talked, to the way her eyes would light up when she laughed. In his eyes she was the perfection of beauty, nothing that she could say or do could be wrong. Sure everyone had character flaws but hers were delightful, charming, hardly annoying.

When she nagged him to wash his dishes, he suddenly found himself enjoying housework. The way she'd glare at him for belching out loud, he'd secretly rely on it. Coming home late at night from studying she was always counted on to be waiting up for him, a guardian angel he never quite understood how she came to be in his life; for he never took her for granted and marveled at how lucky he was.

Over the year his observations had evolved into a small crush, soon followed by an unexpected yearning that he was sure was becoming out of control. When had a hidden lust become desire? When had quick glances become ritual? When had the subtle heartache become a full-fledged obsession?

Rowen Hashiba was scared shitless.

Like every coherent man he had been in denial of his feelings. Pushing attention elsewhere, on anything: books, friends, school, the news, coffee shops, movies... But he never had a knack of being a procrastinator and soon the nagging feeling returned full-fledged and his self-control went down the drain. Temptation now controlled him, urges that became less and less dormant consumed him. He had awakened a vanquished feeling and it now clawed through him leaving a mess of emotions and raw confusion he never felt before.

Panic. Sheer panic erupted in the pit of his stomach. It twisted inside of him, pulling him here, there, around and around. A morbid carousel of despair for he knew without a doubt that there wasn't a chance for him to pretend that it simply didn't exist.

Not a chance in the world.

He felt hollow.

Despair.

He was furious at himself for letting things continue as they did. In her eyes it was a schoolboy crush, something to be amused by but nothing that should be taken serious. He could see it from her point of view clearly, he knew her all too well. She cared for him, more or less, but it wasn't as a lover but a friend. Nothing more; nothing less. She would figure in a few months, perhaps a year, he'd come to his senses and realize the same.

That they were never meant to be.

It echoed in his head and dizziness devoured him. What if he would have to live his life with this until the day he died? To be tortured by her smell, her warmth, her compassion, and to never really touch her, kiss her?

She would be his ultimate doom.

His heart became a burden, a heavy weight in his chest that burnt at the thought of her.

And the dreaded idea of never being loved inched closer and closer to reality.

She was mesmerizing wit her soft ivory features and long silky chestnut hair: tantalizing, addicting, sumptuous, exquisite, and all those feminine descriptive verbs in one. And he, he was too hopeful; too naïve; with his freakish blue strands and pale complexion.

Empty. He felt empty without her.

Just once he'd like to claim her lips and run his hands through her long locks. Just once he'd like to hear her moan his name, with her eyes glazed and mouth open in ecstasy. Just once he'd want her to gaze into his eyes and whisper how she had wanted him too, all this time, and now that they were together they'd never be apart. Just once he'd like to caress her skin and love her-

--

The dark office of the Koji manor was suddenly flooded with light. Blinking from the drastic change, Rowen swiveled his chair around to face the offending light origin. His vision slowly recovered and adjusted as he managed to keep a solemn face when he recognized the intruder.

Mia Koji stood in the open doorway with her hands on her waist and a slight smile tugging at her lips. Feigning exasperation she stated, "Goodness Rowen I've been looking all over the house for you."

"You were?"

She nodded enthusiastically and cocked her head to the side to get a better look at him. The shadows played across her face and he seemed unreadable. "What in the world are you doing in here with the lights off?" she questioned finally.

"Thinking." He non-chalantly responded, and then quickly added when she still looked puzzled, "Collecting my thoughts."

"Any good ones?" she teased.

He smiled politely but said nothing.

"Are you coming out of here for dinner then?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Maybe." His tone was eerily vague.

"You better." She warned, giving him a semi-threatening look. She smiled sweetly at the young man before she turned on her heel and headed back to the kitchen.

With the door still wide-open and the fluorescent light continuing to stream in, he sat quietly in a trance.

After a minute of silence he pushed himself out of the chair and headed for the door. Before he exited the den he sighed deeply and said mostly to himself, "Just once Mia. Just once."


End.