-I decided that I needed to go through the fic and check for spelling errors, take out responses to reviews, and do a little overall cleanup. FYI.
Warning: Unauthorized reposting is not tolerated. Harry Potter copyright respective owners. Storyline and Creativity herein copyright FireValkyrie: Miss T. Vaughn S. For archiving information and express permission to archive elsewhere, please contact me at horrormoviebufy at yahoo . com or slytherinsnakequeensupreme at yahoo . com. There is no acceptable excuse for unauthorized postings as I am quite reachable (see profile for more places to reach me). If this story is found on any other site except fanfiction . net, please contact me. Thank you!
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, stole their virtue, so there!
Description: Disappearing clothing, fantasy-inducing ice-cream, strange creatures, fun with scanty clothing, a sexy disease known as Sexlexia, animagus forms and utter chaos. Oh my! Just a few mishaps in the lives of Fred and George Weasley. Insane randomness and fun with OCs. Enjoy! Slightly AU.
The Misadventures of the Weasley Brothers
Chapter 1: A Lesson in Flask Dodging
A blonde, sugar-fueled Gryffindor came bursting into the dark bedroom like a bouncy ray of sunshine, all aimed upon one unsuspecting sleeper.
"WAKE UP, TERRY! WE'RE GOING TO THE BURROW TODAY!"
A rather appropriate scream ensued, followed by a glare. "What time is it?!"
"It's 8 o'clock!" the hyper-sunlight known as Kara answered.
"They make an 8 o'clock now?"
"Yes! Now come on, you have to help me wake up Live!" Kara said, hopping up and down impatiently on Terry's bed. "Now get up, you bum!"
Terry shoved Kara aside and proceeded to roll out from under the covers. Terry had been staying at Kara and Live Hunter's household for the last two weeks before school started. Now with only four days of vacation left to them, the three were going to the Weasley's for a little sort of get-together before school started. The two Gryffindors were friends with the Weasley children from Hogwarts, and it was a special treat to see them a few days before normal school session. And this way they could all head to King's Cross together in four days.
Terry was stirred her from her thoughts with a jolt. "Hey! You know if you derail my train of thought, it won't get back on track for a few hours."
"You don't need to think, you just need to help me wake up Live. You know she doesn't believe in mornings! Or sunlight for that matter!"
Kara's older sister Live was snoring peacefully under a mound of plush purple blankets. Kara grabbed a corner of the thick blanket and instructed Terry to do likewise.
"Okay, on the count of three, and shield your eyes! I don't think she's wearing PJ's!" Terry shuddered inwardly. Does she ever? But she nodded with courage.
Wait, should we be doing this?
I'm not ready! I'm too young to die!
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'?!!"
"Oh, no! I got the full blast of it!!"
"Hey, I'm wearing undies!" the elder blond shrieked indignantly from her de-blanketed mattress.
"Yeah, but that's all!!"
"You're lucky it was anything at all. I told you to shield your eyes!" Kara chastised.
"I was flustered! I haven't done this in a while!"
Live flung an empty butterbeer flask at Kara, who ducked out of habit; the flask instead bounced off Terry's temple.
"Ow! Dammit, Kara! You didn't say we'd be under fire!" At that moment, Terry launched into one of her infamous strings of nonsensical curse words that would put the Osbourns to shame. She cursed far more than was healthy for any one person. Kara blamed her sister's influence.
"Sorry, it's just normal to me now. I didn't think I'd have to tell you… Hey wait a minute…" Live was attempting to pull the covers back onto herself, refusing to get up.
"Come on, Live! We have to leave by noon and you know how long it takes us to get ready."
"Is that today?" Live asked sleepily.
"Yes, now get your ass out of bed," Terry said bitterly, looking at the dented flask on the floor accusingly.
"Sod off. It's not like it hurt," Live said disdainfully. "Nothing could penetrate that thick skull of yours."
"Typical Slytherin," Terry muttered as she made her way to the bathroom.
"Screw you! I hope you drown in there!" Live retaliated.
It was quite odd that Kara was a Gryffindor when her sister was Slytherin through and through. It was possible that Kara was a closet Slytherin, as she did have a devious streak a mile wide, but she was sorted Gryffindor anyways, and mum and dad couldn't have been prouder. It was odd either way, being they were both half and half- their dad was a wizard and their mother was a muggle. Live being in Slytherin was a shock to all, except maybe those who saw it coming, like Kara ("I knew you'd be Slytherin, Live!"). Either way, she was such a Slytherin in manner that she more than made up for her 'lack', as some of the purebloods called it. The more discriminating ones who liked her thought it was just a wicked rumor to make her look bad, and ignored it, while more thought it impossible that she could be anything but.
Either way, Live was happy to be who she was, and it was useful for Kara and the other Gryffindors to have a Slytherin ally when they needed it.
Fours hours later and the girls were still scrambling for their things, not in the least bit ready. It was much weighing on Terry's nerves.
"Ready to go?" Terry yelled up the stairs, tapping her foot impatiently. Live sat munching on a piece of toast, almost bored in attitude. Though sleep-deprived, when she wanted to be ready, she could get the job done quite quickly.
"Almost!" Kara came running down the stairs, pulling on a set of casual robes.
"Hurry, dammit! We're going to be late," Terry said, brandishing a fist.
"You better drop that sailor talk before Mrs. Weasley hears you," Live warned. While Kara and Terry were only 5th years, Live was a 6th year and cursed more floridly than any real sailor she'd ever come across. However, she firmly believed in the creed 'Do as I say and not as I act'. And to better her purposes, she currently employed her creed to her benefit. "Honestly Terry. It's not very becoming for a lady."
"Piss off!" Terry pointed her wand at the Slytherin and Live in turn pulled out her wand and declared: "Keep it up and you'll get pissed on!" Terry put her wand down as Live looked anything but kidding. Underage wizardry or not, Live wouldn't hesitate to act when provoked. Besides, she couldn't be fined if she couldn't be found.
"I'm ready!" Kara yelled beaming, completely oblivious to the anger vibes emanating from Terry and Live. The latter hopped off her chair and grabbed her things, completely nonchalant as if nothing had happened. Terry shrugged. This was commonplace for them. The three then dragged their trunks over to the fireplace.
"Honestly, there's gotta be a better way…I hate traveling by floo," Live voiced her displeasure to no one in particular.
"I'll go first!" Terry affirmed, grabbing a handful of floo powder from the sack hanging from the mantel. She threw it into the fire and yelled "The Burrow!" before walking into the blue flames.
"Me next!" Kara said enthusiastically, grabbing some of the powder and practically bouncing into the fire.
Live rolled her eyes as she scooped the powder into her hand. She'd have to teach those two about floo-powder safety sometime, lest they accidentally end up at a house of ill-repute as she had. Once. On accident. Although it had been very educational.
As she was stepping into the fire, she hit her head on the mantel.
"Ow shit!" she yelled just as she arrived at the Weasley residence. The identical pair of Weasleys awaiting their arrivals eyed her skeptically with raised brows, and Mrs. Weasley cleared her throat in disapproval. Live muttered 'hello' sheepishly and to 'watch out for that last step' in order to diffuse the situation.
Mrs. Weasley agreed that she'd have Arthur look into it, and clapped her hands in closing. "Well then, now that we're all here, I'll get lunch ready."
Terry surveyed the room to see that Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were also there, which was not surprising in the least.
"Hi Hermione," Terry said with false enthusiasm. She and Kara shared a dorm with Hermione and a girl named Parvati at Hogwarts. Personally, Terry didn't really like her because her know-it-all attitude annoyed the crap out of her. The fact that Hermione was right about what she preached and did indeed seem to know it all annoyed her even more. However, it was just that smart attitude that made she and Live get along so well, which was amazing as far as Slytherin-Gryffindor relations went. Hermione was very clever for a fifth year, and Live liked to have intelligent conversations with her- something she felt impossible with Kara and Terry.
"Hello!" Hermione replied to Terry sincerely.
"Come on!" Fred piped up to the fifth year girls.
"We need to show you something!" George continued, tugging Kara and Terry out of the room and up the stairs. Live watched for a moment, wondering if she should supervise this or not, and decided not to play foreman today. If the four of them blew themselves to high heaven, she would have no part in it. It was still summer vacation, after all, and as far as she was concerned, it wasn't her duty.
"Can I help you with anything, Mrs. Weasley?" Live inquired, feeling guilty about the swearing, as well as needing to busy herself.
"No, no dear, I can handle it. You just go make yourself at home." Mrs. Weasley shooed her out of the kitchen and set plates and such to making themselves useful. There were oh-so-many advantages to being magically inclined.
Live took up a conversation with Hermione about books they'd read over summer vacation, being almost as hungry as Hermione for knowledge. A close second to the smart little Witch was their friend Kelena, who they'd be meeting later on in Diagon Alley. But that would have to wait until later.
Ron and Harry threw out challenges to one another and grabbed their brooms, running outside shadowed closely by Ginny. Ron's younger sister was fast becoming Live's own prodigy, and truly, the Slytherin witch didn't think she could have been happier with educationally-corrupting the Weasley's only daughter with questionable-material and information.
"George, do you really think it's wise to have that inside the house?" Kara inquired.
"Look who you're asking," Terry pointed out to Kara.
"No really, we think we've got it right this time," Fred told her assuredly. The twins had a large quantity of fireworks, both wizard and muggle, stashed under a floorboard in their room. It was vital to the business experience and 'experiments', as they put it. It was safe to say that the girls had volunteered, however foolishly, to test out some of their Wheezes products, and even more so, they knew what to expect from Fred or George. Kara was experimenting with many of her own types of things- however, they were far safer than the items Fred and George wanted to sell to the public. It was always safer as well, they had learned, to do these experiments outside. And with these particular fireworks in mind, they couldn't have been righter.
George was currently armed with a particularly dangerous-looking one.
"Really, don't point that at me. I like my face the way it is," Kara said with inspection, shielding her face with more readily-expendable appendages (read: hands).
"Don't worry, they won't go off unless we mean them to. You won't end up like Disfigured Dave."
"He was just David Smith before you got to him!" Kara said accusingly. George just grinned and went about preparing a demonstration.
"So what does this one do?" Terry asked, pulling a string.
Downstairs, Live and Hermione were disturbed from their conversation by a loud bang that came from above. At that very same moment, they heard a yell and a thud as Terry collided midair with Ron on his broom outside, knocking them both to the ground. Live and Hermione quickly ran to see what had happened.
"Oh dear God, I'm sorry, Ron! Are you ok?" Terry said, flushing furiously as she climbed off Ron. Her hair was standing on end, smoking, and her face was covered in soot.
Harry had landed and was helping a frightened looking Ron to his feet. If he hadn't been flying so close to the house, Terry could have been seriously hurt.
"I'm ok," Ron replied with a dazed look. His eyes were a bit glazed over, but other than that, he seemed alright.
"Terry, are you ok?" Kara called down from a smoking window.
"Just peachy!" she shouted, her face growing purple with rage.
"I told you not to!" Fred called down disdainfully, holding up his hands in defense. "I take no responsibility for you whatsoever!"
"What's going on out here? What's all this smoke from?" Mrs. Weasley asked with ready accusation in her voice, emerging from the kitchen with a wooden spoon in one hand and a wand in the other.
"Nothing," they all said in unison, a bit too quickly and suspiciously for Mrs. Weasley's nerves. She sighed, knowing her twins were already up to mischief and it hadn't even been an hour since the new arrivals. She went back into the house, wondering if she should call in a special guard to keep those kids in line.
Terry looked around and wiped some soot off her face as Hermione looked horrified at the scene. "Is he alright?"
"He's okay," Harry said reassuringly, patting Ron on the back as soot from Terry's fall clouded off him.
"Good thing you had something soft to cushion your fall, Terry!" George yelled out of the window. "Nice catch Ron!"
"Honestly you two, we've been here five minutes and you've already blown something up!" Live said with amazement, reprimanding the two younger girls. It wasn't so much the explosion that got Live to rebuking them as it was the fact that they'd almost been caught. As both herself and a Slytherin, it was practically drilled into her brain not to get caught if you were going to do something fun (otherwise read: stupid). It was still something her younger sister had trouble with remembering.
"It's not like anything important was damaged," Kara said with a grin, motioning to Terry down below. The girl in question glared daggers up at her, and then flipped her off. Fred and George looked positively resentful as they looked from Terry to Kara. They would have to re-do that firework. Blast it all.
Live sighed as she ushered Hermione back inside, and Terry made her way into the house and back up the stairs, for all they knew, to wreak more havoc. Before she was completely out of earshot, she heard Hermione speak to Live about the horros in Gryffindor Tower, and Live's agreeing laughter. "Really, the four of them shouldn't be allowed in the same room together…"
Terry had herself a few bitter thoughts laced with extreme profanities as she raced back up the stairs. The smell of smoke wafted through the hall and as she entered the room, billows of it hitting her in the face.
"You should really listen to us next time," Fred said plainly, not at all bothering with an apology. If you entered their room (which had several loving nick-names, like The Lab, Testing Grounds, and as Kara so fondly referred to it, Area 51), then you had better be careful. "We're older and wiser than you."
"Blow off," Terry spat angrily.
"Really, talk like a lady," Kara said with distaste. No matter what the situation, Terry insisted on her cursing. Hardly lady-like, and it wasn't very becoming. If she had to curse all the time, then use it as Live did: for comical value, articulation, and more often than naught, true ire.
"I see no ladies here," George quipped, getting a punch in the arm from Terry.
"Really? I see four ladies," Terry snapped back.
"Well maybe Fred here holds some resemblance to the opposite sex, but I hardly agree," George said, looking an astounded Fred over studiously.
"You're twins! You both look the same!" Kara pointed out. George quickly retracted his statement with a wry look.
"Hey you guys! Lunch is on!" Live yelled up the stairs. Thankfully preoccupied with eating and then unpacking, the rest of the night was pretty uneventful for the Weasleys and their guests.
It was yet another beautiful day, the smell of breakfast wafting through the air, and a whole twenty-four hours of trouble and pranking to look forward to. Either way, Live wasn't too thrilled about actually starting off the new day.
"Why on Earth does the sun rise this early?"
"It's 9 o'clock, Live!"
"Your point being?"
"You're impossible!" Terry said with a sigh.
Ron and Harry had bunked with Fred and George, while Kara, Terry, and Live had taken temporary space in Ron's room. Ginny and Hermione shared Ginny's room with no complaints.
"You think Ron likes quidditch?" Kara asked redundantly, eyeing the various Chudley Cannons posters that plastered Ron's walls. "It's kinda creepy…almost obsessive."
"Just go downstairs without me. I'll be down in a few minutes," Live said in an attempt to rid herself of her wake-up call. She would rather miss out on breakfast and sleep a bit more anyway, though they didn't need to know that…
"Fair enough," Kara said as she and Terry went downstairs. When they arrived in the kitchen they were surprised to find Bill Weasley sitting at the table. He hadn't been there the previous night. But apparently he popped in quite a bit for minor visits during the summer.
"Hey Bill!" they greeted chipperly together.
"How's it going?" he asked cheerfully. They quickly started chatting about how their summers had gone, Bill's being decidedly the more interesting of the tales, and settling in for breakfast while waiting for their Slytherin sister. After half an hour with no Live, Kara and Terry decided it was quite out of their hands, and sought outside help.
"Hey Fred, George, wanna do us a favor?" Kara asked.
"Depends on what it is," Fred said warily, eyeing the younger Gryffindor up and down. One could never be too careful when dealing with the Hunter sisters. And this one was as crafty as she was devious.
"Live refuses to get up, and every attempt usually ends in injury. Far too dangerous for ladies," Kara assured, turning on the charm. True, she may live with Live, share blood with her, but she did not prefer to wake her from her favorite pastime. "This is man's work, and I think we've got the perfect candidates right here!"
Fred and George exchanged mischievous grins.
"It would be our pleasure!" George exclaimed a little too enthusiastically, a wicked gleam in his eye.
They ran up the stairs, eager to give the Slytherin a fright and have her hurry herself up. After a few moments of silence, Live's screams echoed through the house, mingled with Fred and George's cries of "My eyes! Dear God, my eyes!"
A deafening silence ensued, in which all eyes were trained on the stairs with expectance. Nobody dared move or utter a word. Then Fred and George came calmly down the stairs, expressions of utter shock frozen on their faces. They sat down at the kitchen table next to Bill, who quirked an eyebrow at them with an amused half-grin.
"I'll never look at that Slytherin the same way again," George said, his eyes glazing over in confused thought.
"You pulled off the blankets didn't you?"
They suddenly came out of their unintentional trance and started snickering to themselves, but didn't answer.
Everyone continued to eat their breakfast, and after about ten minutes Live came skulking down the stairs, looking very harassed and disheveled, as if she'd done only the basest of throwing on clothes in case they came back.
"Hey Bill," she muttered a polite greeting to the eldest male Weasley at the table, ignoring the others and suddenly becoming more self-conscious of her hair and her current dress. He nodded from behind his coffee cup, which was, for a matter of fact, hiding a huge grin. It wasn't that hard to put two and two together, and he only held pity for what she would do to his little brothers. If school hadn't changed since he'd attended Hogwarts, then he knew one truth still rang true: don't give a Slytherin a reason for vengeance.
"That was record time," Terry whispered to Kara with true amazement. "We should have Fred and George do that more often." They both started to giggle.
Live heard her and shot them both a glance only a Slytherin would be capable of making. She sat down between Hermione and Ginny when Fred and George erupted in a sea of giggles that caused her cheeks to redden. They bent close together and continued to whisper and snicker as they glanced in Live's direction, their eyes scanning her a little too closely for her comfort. George waggled an eyebrow at her, and it was too much for her to keep silent about.
"And what, may I ask, is so funny?" Live asked with courageous venom, finally unable to tolerate it.
George looked at her with the utmost seriousness, his demeanor calm and almost scholarly in conclusion. "That's a very interesting birthmark," he decided.
It was made clear by her reactions and expressions coupled with the furious blush on her face that this was not a normally visible birthmark. Live leaned in close across the table and mouthed a rather lewd suggestion (and threat in most scenarios) to the twins.
"It's a bit early for that sort of thing, isn't it?" Fred asked out loud, much to the delight of Kara and Terry who were bursting with laughter. It was much to the horror of Live to see that Bill was laughing just as hard, if not harder. So much to gaining the deference of yet another Weasley.
Ron's ears were redder than his hair, Ginny looked puzzled, Hermione was massaging her temple and staring down at her plate, Harry was smiling a little, but seemed absorbed in playing with his food, and Mrs. Weasley was dragged from her conversation with her husband, shooting Mr. Weasley a look that seemed to say, "Do something about this!"
"Now boys, that's very inappropriate," he said, trying to sound serious, "now let's just drop it."
The roaring laughter dropped to muffled giggles as everyone tried to continue eating. Live's face was more red than the hair of their hosts. The rest of breakfast went on without disturbance, except for that fact that every couple of minutes, either Fred or George would look up and wink at Live, who looked both insulted and affronted at the same time.
fyi: so many people ask. Live's name is pronounced like Liv Tyler, or as in, "Doctor, I want to live!" or as in the first part of the word Liverpool. But if you read it differently and like to read it like 'Live nudes!' then more power to ya.