Man I hope Inuyasha doesn't seem OOC in this. You'll see why when you get to that part and if he does seem OOC, sorry. I wrote it out that way because I felt that if that actually happened then Inuyasha would seem that way. This will make sense when you finish reading.
Well, all I can say is sorry for not updating LoaS sooner. Once school ended that was the end of me getting free internet from school for 3 months until it started again. I have, however, been working on the fic and many other ones (some new, some not) and they should be out soon. Currently I'm working on I think 6 at once and two of them won't be out until I completely finish them or get close to it. I at least want them planned out in an outline before I can send out chapter one. Of course I don't want to send chapter one before knowing that it won't take me forever to update it so wait for those two really cool fics once I'm done with them. I'll send previews of them when I get close to their completion.
Either way, I hope you like this one shot and please review it. I somewhat like how I wrote it out. The next chapter of Brotherly Love, LoaS, and Another Chance (mostly LoaS) will be out soon.
~*~Letter-From the Lost Days~*~
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or the song "Letter-From the Lost Days". Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha and the song is from Silent Hill 3 (track 12 on the CD that comes with the game. A nice song).
No sé de cómo describir
Ese el vacío que hay en mi,
Una voz... inspiración
Que me hace soñar.
Vuelvo a escuchar dentro de mí
Ese deseo de sentir,
Un amor que le de vida
A mi palpitar.
(I don't know about how to describe it
That emptiness that's in me
That makes me dream
Again I hear in me
That desire to feel
A love that gives life
To my heartbeat)
--"Inspiración (Inspiration)" Benny
Fukai fukai mori no oku ni ima mo kitto
Okizari ni shita kokoro kakushite'ru yo
(I'm sure that the heart I left behind
Still lies hidden in the heart of the deep, deep forest.)
--"Fukai Mori (Deep Forest)" Do As Infinity
~*~A letter to my future self
Am I still happy and again?
Have I grown real pretty?
Is daddy still a good man?
Am I still friends with Carlene?
I'm sure that I'm still laughing
And I…And I…~*~
There was so much dust. She could make a dustman with how much there was all over the place. Barely any light either. Better for her since she didn't want to see how many cobwebs were up here. All the spiders that escaped from her probably sent out warning messages to the other spiders to beware of her. Then they packed up everything and moved into the attic to be away from her. Yeah, she was sure since after a while spiders stopped appearing around the house.
Grasping one dusty box in her hands, she carefully pulled it off from the giant stack it was on and moved it towards her so she could read what it said. In big, bold letters, written in her old handwriting from when she was younger, it read "Kagome's old clothes." That was a good one. She could sell what didn't fit her anymore or was old fashioned. She wanted more space up there so she could build herself a nice little room to escape into whenever she could. It was the only place he didn't know about. When the house was purchased, she had gone exploring only out of curiosity back then. It had been when he told her to look at the house and see how she could fix it up so it would be a suitable place for the both of them to live in. At first the attic had been something she wanted to keep a secret so that one day she could fix it up and make it into a nice little room for the both of them and surprise him with it.
But then he began to show his true colors and all those thoughts altered.
At first it had been an argument because she had gone out with her friends for some fun. He yelled at her and told her she wasn't allowed out of the house without his permission. Now, she was strong willed but even she quieted down when he had yelled at her like that. It was like he were a stranger, even though they had been married for a few weeks and gone out on dates for longer than that.
After that she didn't bother to go out without asking first (only when he was around). Whenever he was not at home and she knew he would be gone for hours she snuck out and made sure to come back before he did. He caught her a few times and she was paid with a bloody noise and sometimes even red handprints on her face. She knew she should have told her family or even reported him but in her mind he was a nice man. She knew he never meant it. Right after hitting her she saw how his face dawned, almost as if in revelation of what he'd done. He apologized and took her out for some fun, just the two of them. After that all thoughts of reporting him disappeared from her mind.
Setting the box aside, she made to reach for another one. There were just so many. She would need to make sure to do this yard sale when he wasn't there. If he saw everything he would ask where it had come from and then he would demand it. Her safe little room would be revealed and she would loose it forever…among other things.
The next box she pulled out surprised her and caused her to let it fall. The heaviness of the box caused it to teeter on one of the edges for a millisecond before falling over on its side completely, all the things inside spilling out. She had forgotten about that box. In truth, she never knew WHY she had kept it. Perhaps it was a way to hold onto the past for a little while whenever she thought she needed to be reminded of it.
Gingerly she crept closer to the spilled contents and looked through them. Almost everything from those happy times was there: her old school uniform, one of Shippou's leaves, one of Sango's hair ties, one of Miroku's ofuda's, and…
…a letter? From whom?
Carefully she took it as it had yellowed with age and was delicate to handle. It must have been written 10 years ago or so. She opened it delicately and began to read…
~*~Hey there to my future self
If you forget how to smile
I have this to tell you
Remember it once in a while
Ten years ago your past self
Prayed for your happiness
Please don't...loose hope~*~
Dear future self,
Hey! Okay, this may be a little dumb to be writing a letter to my future self but my friends were all telling me that it didn't hurt to write it. They said it was like writing a one entry diary but rather than record my current thoughts I decided to ask questions from my future self. I thought it wouldn't hurt to try. Okay, maybe I should check my sanity with mom or something…
But just to humor myself and maybe my "future self", how's life there in the future? There are many things I'm dying to know about (you know, what happens to me in the future). Were you brave enough to reveal your feelings to Inuyasha? Did he confess back? Are the two of you right now snuggling together and reading this? Is it really possible for it to happen or am I just writing down my own wishes down in this letter? Maybe Inuyasha never forgot about Kikyou. Or maybe the two of you could never be together because you were both from different times. It's something that right now is making me cry because I don't want it to happen, but if it did and there was no of getting around it, then I guess all I can say is I'm sorry. Maybe Inuyasha was never for you (or me for that matter).
I can see how this sort of thing can make you cry and yet hopeful. My friends gave me the warning after telling me how fun it was to image. I guess I can write for you is this: I hope that when you read this, all the things you wished for came true. Are you really happy? Right now, as I am, I know I'll never get an answer, but at least I will know once it happens. It's just that to get there I may have to go through a lot. But I know it will all be worth it in the end. So never give up okay? If things are bad now, know that they can always get worse, but you will need to avoid that. If things are bad, do something about it to make it good. Don't settle for bad. With or without Inuyasha there with you, you must go on and live life to the fullest. And don't take that as a dumb quote from an old game. I'm being serious here.
Listen to me, arguing with someone who is me in the future. I think I really need to check my sanity.
Well, I should go. I wanted to write this letter before going back with Inuyasha and the others. I know he'll be mad at how long I took. Enjoy the time you have while you have it. It won't be there forever.
See ya future self. I sincerely hope everything worked out. I guess I'll find out (and have to go through a lot before I can).
All my love,
~*~Oh, it would pain me and you
Would heal to feel joy and be blue
Sad times and bad times see them through
Soon we will know if it's for real
What we...both feel~*~
She remembered that day, the day she wrote that letter. It had been ten years since then. With a little chuckle as tears rolled down her cheeks, she remembered how Inuyasha had been mad because she took so long. He had yelled at her and she had yelled back while at the same time thinking about the letter and how she seriously wanted to rethink the part about being happy with Inuyasha by her side. She had really meant it then because it was a thought born from anger. Now she wished she could have just frozen that small time in her life when she was truly happy and lived there forever. She would never have to think about the future or her past.
After their yelling she had gone off in a huff to Kaede's house in order to visit her, Sango, Miroku, and Kirara, all the while holding Shippou in her arms and having one very angry hanyou following her with his head stubbornly looking off towards the forest. It had been only a couple of weeks before then that they had beaten Naraku and laid Kikyou to rest at last. Inuyasha had been in bad shape for a while and Kagome had refused to leave his side until he was out of danger.
Once he was she had taken his inability to move to her advantage. While asleep she had snuck back home in order to give the wonderful news to her family. After that she had stayed in her time for a while in order to continue school while Inuyasha recovered and that was when they had told her about the letter.
Once arriving at Kaede's though, knowing it was the moment of truth for her and the jewel, they had all sat around in a circle and Kaede softly told Kagome to place the jewel in the middle of the circle. Once placed, all eyes turned to Inuyasha for his decision. One of the main reasons they had been collecting the jewel was not only to keep it away from evil youkai who would use it for evil purposes but also because Inuyasha wanted it in order to become a full youkai. They held their breath, all waiting for his decision, even when Miroku and Sango knew he had made up his mind a long time ago during their journey.
Slowly and also gingerly, Inuyasha had plucked the jewel from its spot in the middle of the circle, bringing it up to eye level to analyze it carefully as his face screwed into that of a thoughtful stare.
Everyone waited and watched, wanting to see what he would do with it. As Kagome watched him, she could see the internal struggle through his eyes. He no longer knew what to do with the jewel.
Then, quickly and without doubt, he stood, walked over to Kagome sat almost across from him, and shoved the jewel in her hand. And yet as she looked at him in shock and puzzlement, all she could hear were his words, which still echoed throughout her thoughts to this day.
"Take it back to your time and keep it safe."
Before she could get angry, let alone yell at him for the suggestion, he had silenced her by putting one hand up and silencing anyone who would speak. A deep rumble vibrated through his mighty chest as he spoke low and calm.
"My reason is because it'll be safer there than here and at least Kagome can still go through the well whenever she wants to." He held up his hand again when they looked ready to protest. He looked at Kaede, a serious tone in his eyes. "You can make a necklace for her like mine, can't you baba?"
All hell had broken loose with that one sentence.
"Inuyasha, if you think I'm going to get a subduing spell like you…!!"
"Inuyasha, surely you cannot mean to…?!"
"Inuyasha, would you really subject Kagome-sama to having her own spell…?"
"Inuyasha, you're gonna get it!"
"Inuyasha, Kagome-chan can't have her own subduing spell!! She isn't a youkai…!!"
"SHUT UP!!!!" Inuyasha roared. Everyone stopped their arguments, all of which were directed at him, and looked at him with eyes wide open. All calmness had been drained from Inuyasha. "Will you all fucking let me explain before you judge my decision?!" Once he knew he had their full attention again, he continued. "What I mean is that baba can make the necklace for Kagome in order to bind her to the Shikon no Tama that way she doesn't have to be fucking bringing it back and forth! I'm connected to Kagome, and thus connected to the Shikon no Tama since it is connected to Kagome and that's why I'm the only one other than Kagome who can travel through the well. So if she gets a necklace, without the subduing part of the spell, then she can go back and forth as she pleases without putting the jewel in danger."
Inuyasha seemed to be smarter than anyone gave him credit for, although if they had actually said that, they would have been chased and beaten to a pulp. He looked back at Kaede. "So can you do it baba?"
Kaede nodded slowly, almost afraid of the hanyou in front of her. "I can, yes, but Inuyasha…"
"No buts baba! If you can do it, then do it!"
Kagome saw as Kaede grew her spine back as she firmly looked at Inuyasha, however, speaking to everyone else in the room. "Will you all please leave me alone with Inuyasha?"
Everyone, especially Inuyasha, had been surprised at the request, yet none of them argued and left them to be alone and talk. Kagome had not liked the way Kaede had been looking at Inuyasha, almost as if she were going to scold him ten times worse than any mother scolded a son. She held Shippou close to her, hoping her feelings were lying to her.
While Kaede and Inuyasha talked, Miroku had gone to woo the girls again, causing Sango to bang him over the head with her boomerang. Kagome had decided to wait by the well. She wasn't planning on going home. She just felt calmer there because it was so peaceful and quiet (whenever Inuyasha wasn't there). It was the perfect place for her to think.
As she absentmindedly stroked Shippou and rocked him back and forth as he slept in her arms, Kagome could help but still feel that what Kaede was going to tell Inuyasha wasn't something she would like. She didn't know how else to explain it but she just had a bad feeling. The only thing to confirm if her feelings were right or not were with Inuyasha.
Almost as if her thoughts (and perhaps wishes) had been answered, Inuyasha had come speeding towards her in a speed that could only be described as 'lightning fast'. In only a split second he had been from the edge of the horizon to right in front of her, his breath coming out in pained gasps, his bangs hiding his eyes from her view. Kagome felt her insides tighten and her mind whirl with all the possible things he could say. "Inu…Inuyasha…?" she called out tentatively, using her free hand to slowly reach out towards him, trying to move his bangs away from over his eyes.
Kagome recoiled her hand when he hissed almost as if in pain and drew his head away from her reach. She could practically feel the tension in his muscles and even see it if his clenched hands her any indication. "Inuyasha…what-what happened…?" she called out again, trying to get an answer out of him.
In one fluid motion Inuyasha plucked the sleeping Shippou from her arms, waking him in the process, and sent him flying as far away from them as he could. Kagome could only watch in open-mouthed horror. She couldn't even feel angry at him for mistreating Shippou. Anything she said or did would only cause him to explode and confirm the butterflies she felt in her stomach.
Inuyasha rounded on her again, only that this time Kagome could see his eyes. She sucked in a breath and held a hand to her mouth to try to calm herself.
Tears were falling down his face like two rivers of sorrow.
The only time Inuyasha had ever been close to shedding tears had been the time they had almost died from the poison. Never in all the time she had known him had he shed so many tears all at once. Whatever Kaede had told him had pained him greatly.
Snarling, sounding more like a defensive growl than an aggressive one, he reached out with his right hand and gripped her left wrist tightly. She winced at the pressure he put into the grip but kept her back straight.
Then, these words echoing throughout her being even more than the previous ones had, he had told her something that shattered her heart and spirit and caused the depression she had suffered for years before entering college.
"I never want to fucking see your damn face ever again! I hate you!"
Then he had plucked his hand off her wrist and using both his hands, pushed her down the well…
Though I can't know for sure
How things worked out for us
No matter how hard it gets
You have to realize
We weren't put on this earth to suffer
We were made for being happy
So, be happy...
Tears were falling down her face as she remembered that day. It had been a tortured memory that she had tried to forget. Yet no matter how hard she tried, she never forgot it. She had tried instead to keep her mind occupied with other things so she wouldn't have to remember those words, words that still shook her soul and resonated through her entire being.
To the day she still wished she knew what Kaede had told him that could have caused such a reaction out of him. If she had known then perhaps she wouldn't be where she was, living the life she was living. She would have gone back but he had pushed her when she didn't have the jewel with her or even the necklace he had told Kaede to make.
Wiping away the tears, she decided instead to get back to work. She wanted to be done cleaning everything and making room before he got back.
Many hours later, and only about an hour or so before her husband was due home from work, Kagome was almost done cleaning when she heard a sound coming from the room she shared with her husband. Fearing burglars were inside her house, she looked around her private room for something to hit him/her with should she meet him/her on the way to the phone.
She spotted an old lamp her grandfather had given her as a wedding present ("Take good care of it. It's a family heirloom.") and made a grab for it, her cold fingers curling around the shaft in a firm grip. With a weapon in her hand, missing her bow and arrows quickly, she slowly crept towards the pull-down stairs of the attic and tried to be as quiet as possible while walking towards the phone that was just down the stairs.
Finally reaching the bottom, she looked around the dark, empty hallway, her heart beating inside the confinements of her ribcage. She felt the cold sweat beginning to collect itself at her brow but she made no motion to wipe it away. All she wanted was to get out of this alive.
Being so concerned with trying to see something ahead of her that she failed to see the door she passed by open ajar, although no light came from inside. It wasn't until she felt a hand snake around her waist and mouth that the already rickety heartbeat sped up even more and fear consumed her from top to bottom in a snap. Fearing for her life, Kagome began to struggle with the energy born from her fear. She had to get away. If she didn't make whoever-it-was let go, who knows what would happen to her.
She heard a voice behind her, deep and seeming to stem from the rumble of the person's chest. It sounded older, softer, yet unmistakable. "Be quiet, bitch! I don't want anyone to hear us!" he whispered in her ear, his breath causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end.
Her heart stopped at the voice. So many nights she had thought she had heard it actually calling out to her and yet nothing was there except her husband beside her. So many nights she had dreamed of hearing that voice again and seeing the one who owned it. Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes as she was turned around and came face to face with the only man she had ever loved.
~*~Oh, it would pain me and you
Would heal to feel joy and be blue
Sad times and bad times see them through
Soon we will know if it's for real
What we...both feel~*~
For a long time no sound would come out of her mouth, even when she formed the words. So much was her state of shock and all she could do was stare at him and try to get a grip on reality, some sense of sanity that he was really there and not something she was imagining from missing him so much.
Before she could get her jumbled thoughts together and form any sort of words, he moved his hands from around her waist and mouth, turning her around before he snaked them around her back, dragging her against him in a tender embrace that radiated how much he had missed her. Kagome still hadn't recovered from the shock of seeing him and the tender embrace only increased her disbelief that he was real in front of her.
It was only when he spoke that all doubts disappeared and tears began to collect at the corner of her eyes. "I'm sorry…Kagome…" he forced out, his voice thick with emotion that had Kagome's insides tighten as she willed herself not to cry. "I didn't…I never meant what I said, back there at the well…please, forgive me…"
His voice was so broken and raw and she could feel a wetness on her shoulder from where his head rested. It had been ten years and in that whole time she had never felt anger at him, never hated him for saying what he had said to her. All she had felt was hurt, thinking what he had said was partially true, stemming from her own doubt of his feelings for her. Her heart had always screamed that it had been a lie but her mind refused to listen. Everyday the memory had been so fresh as if it had happened yesterday.
Slowly she felt herself pick up her heavy arms, reaching under his hair and holding him close to her. The longer she held on, the tighter her hold on him became until there was no way he could get any closer. This time when she formed the words, breath also flowed, forming words. "Inuyasha…it's ok…I never…I never blamed you or hated you. All I f-felt was…hurt that you had said that to me after all we had been through." The tears that had been collecting flowed freely now down her dry cheek, causing it to glisten in the moonlight.
His hold tightened a bit and she could feel his hesitation to let her go. Maybe if he did, she would disappear…? "I'm sorry Kagome," he apologized again, this time more confidently since he heard her words. "I never meant them. I was only angry at what Kaede had told me. I couldn't stand it. I felt it was better if you hated me and never saw me again so that way we wouldn't get hurt. But I never meant them…I never meant them…"
"Shhh," Kagome soothed, running her hands up and down her back. It felt good to hold him like that, to know he was real. "Now I know the truth. I guess I was fool to believe those words. But I believe these. I'm sorry I doubted you Inuyasha."
Inuyasha pulled back then only far enough for him to be a few inches from her face as he tensely gazed into her eyes and tried to find some hint that she was lying and that she in fact hated him. The tension in his face smoothed out when he found none. That solved, he began to inch towards her, wanting to feel the softness of her lips against his.
When only a tiny breath away, Kagome heard a car pull up into the driveway outside, causing her to drop her arms from Inuyasha and pull fully away from him. By the look on Inuyasha's face, Kagome could tell he knew she was married. She looked pleadingly at him. "Inuyasha, please, please take me away from here. I don't want to be here anymore. Take me back with you into the Feudal Era. Please."
Inuyasha could hear the worry in her voice and he quickly nodded. Kagome ran into a room and then came back out with a bag he guessed was full of things she needed. Plucking her from the floor, he placed her on his back and stealthily made his way to the window he had come from and bound away into the night. As they were bounding from house to house, Kagome could hear her husband shout out her name in anger, probably thinking she had gone out without his permission. Well, he was entirely right, only this time she was never coming back.
"Inuyasha," she called. She knew he was paying attention when his ears swiveled to her even when his head didn't. "Can we stop really quick at my mom's house? There's still something I want to do."
He merely nodded.
With his speed he reached the shrine in a matter of seconds and landed gently in front of her old window. Kagome climbed off his back and opened the window, climbing inside. Everything was the way she had left it, save many of her new clothes which were in her bag. Heading over to her desk, she wrote a letter to her explaining where she was, who she was with, and how often she would return. She pleaded for her husband never to learn the truth and for her mother to tell everyone she had died of whatever disease her grandfather made up. She wished her family love, telling Souta to be good (even though he was in college by now) and then signed it.
Leaving the note in her mother's room and giving her a quick kiss on the temple as she slept, Kagome then went for the Shikon no Tama, knowing she would need it. Once she was done with everything, Kagome made her way back to Inuyasha and together, the two of them left down the well and into the old happy life.
Her mother smiled in her sleep.
"Mommy!" a girl of about 8 called out, running through the lush grass from a break in the trees of the forest. Her hair was waist length and pale blue, shining like a diamond in the sun. Her eyes were amber and two triangular ears decorated the top of her head. She wore a sapphire colored kimono, one perfect for running and jumping in.
Following after her was a tiny toddler of 3 with black hair, black ears shaped like his sisters', and his own tiny kimono. He was laughing gleefully upon seeing his mother standing there at the entrance of their nicely done wooden home.
She looked at her two children with love filled eyes, thanking every powerful being for giving them to her. She looked up when another figure emerged from the forest, looking just as handsome as ever.
He was her one and only true husband and true love…
~*~ We were put here on this earth
Put here to feel joy…~*~