"Joey? Hey, Joe?"

Chandler kicked the door to Apartment 19 shut with his sneaker, setting his offerings of pizza and beer on the countertop. "Joe?"

"Duck and I are taking a bath," Joey called.

Chandler hesitated in front of the bathroom door. "And is the duck... strategically placed?"

"Now he is!"

"Allrighty then." Chandler grabbed two beers, nudging the door open and sitting on the toilet. He regarded the darkness, the candles, the bubbles.

"Didn't realize you and the duck had taken your relationship to this level."

"Gimme," Joey groaned. Chandler slapped a beer into his palm. "The darkness and the candles were for me. He just got upset that I was goin' swimming without him."

Joey patted the duck's head fondly. "And the company was nice."

"Okay, you know I love you... but I am *not* gettin' in there." Chandler twisted the cap off his beer. "I *did* bring you a pizza, though... want me to bring it in?"

"Yeah, thanks," Joey sighed. Chandler hopped off the toilet and danced into the other room.

"So did you just wanna see me naked, or what? What's the deal?"

Chandler froze in the bathroom doorway, pizza in hand. "Can't I come visit my best friend?"

"On a night Monica's ovulating? Yeah, right. You're checking up on me."

"Well, I..." Chandler sighed. "I *am* a little worried about you, Joe."

He pulled a slice of pizza out, and Joey sat up to take it. Chandler hurriedly shut his eyes. "Okay... reposition the duck! Reposition the duck!"

"I'm fine, Chandler," Joey sighed, leaning back in his bubbles and taking a bite.

"Okay, you... you are so *not* fine. You're like that damn phone commercial I can't watch without blubbering, okay? Talk to me. Is it Rachel?"

"Isn't it always?" Joey tossed his crust back in the box.

"Look, man, I... I really hoped that was gonna work out for you," Chandler said quietly. "But it looks like it's not gonna. I wish... I wish you could move on, y'know? It's been a year."

"I wish I could move on too, man," Joey sighed. "It's really hard, y'know? I'm like... the seventh wheel now. You and Mon are all *happy*, and Ross and Rachel are all *happy*, and Pheebs and Mike are all *happy*... I'm like the Barbie tire in the trunk, y'know? The Three Happy Couples And Their Inconveniently Single Friend."

"I could set you up, y'know," Chandler offered.

Joey snorted loudly, and the duck startled.

"No seriously! I mean, it's Murphy's Law, right? I get married, and suddenly my work is filled with hot chicks. Pick your flavor, man, they're all there... and they don't wear very much clothing, either."

"It's just... it's just not the *same*," Joey sighed. "I mean... I don't even enjoy 'Baywatch' anymore."

"Oh dear *God*!" Chandler clutched his chest in horror.

"Yeah, it's dire," Joey sighed.

"Word of the Day toilet paper?" Chandler guessed, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah."

"C'mon. Let me set you up. One double date."

"Chandler, I..."

"If you hate her, you can hit me."

"How hard?" Joey laughed.

"As hard as I hit you when you set me up with Janice."

"Yeah, but you punch like a girl."

"Okay... you can punch me as hard as that girl, the little one."

"Ohhhhh," Joey said solemnly, rubbing his bicep, lost in literally painful memories.

"So... do we have a deal?"

"Yeah," Joey grinned. "We have a deal."

"Okay then." Chandler stood up, brushing pizza crumbs off his pants. "I'm gonna go fertilize my wife."

"I'm gonna bathe with my duck."

"Seriously, Joe... feel better, okay?"

"I will," Joey said, smiling bravely.

"I *won't*," he informed the duck as soon Chandler was out of earshot.