tears in heaven
disclaimer: finally!! i think i have this thing going on!! yesss!! . finally... hehehe... i rock... - please R&R!
Zvei :: Only Reminds me of You
Everything we've been though before, now it means so much more.. I've tried to run from your sight but each place I hide... It only reminds me of you...
She looked out Kurt's window as tears glassed her eyes that night. The night was peaceful, the night was serene... everything was calm, but her heart panged as she remembered the things that went past by her. And I didn't even do anything about it... her thoughts whispered inside her heart.
To her everything seemed so unclear... Everything felt so different. Everything felt so unreasonable. Why? Why is this all happening? she again thought. She felt her whole body shiver as she remembered the cold words of the professor.
"Kurt... He-" the professor stopped in mid-sentence and sighed.
"What?- Like, what happened to him?" Kitty asked in desperation.
"He... he has pneumonia." the professor said. Kitty's eyes widened in surprise. "Wh- How?" she mouthed the words. "What?" Rogue asked.
"Pneumonia." The professor repeated. "The doctors are still finding out the cause... But they're quite certain that it will be treated soon... The only problem is-"
"What? What's the problem, professor?" Kitty asked as she stood up and faced him.
"The rain hasn't stopped. And the shipping of the antibiotics will take time before it reaches the Bayville Hospital." he reasoned.
"Can't we just, like, do it on our own?!" Kitty asked as tears started welling her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Kitty. But that would risk exposing us, and you know very well that Doctor Adams is doing his best to conceal-"
"But we're risking Kurt's life!" she blurted out.
One person's pleasure for another person's pain... She continued to blame herself for what happened. Kurt wouldn't be there if she just went and tried to explain what she really felt for him. Everything felt so abrupt. So sudden that she didn't even know what to do- what to say-
Her mind was in total chaos. She felt responsible for what happened to Kurt- to the person her loved. She had her share of pains, of heart aches but this time... it was different. This time it felt so genuine that it hurt her more that it hurt the other people involved. All her feeling swirled around a particular person, who, subconsciously, was the center of the world she created.
She did not understand the brutality of this so-called paradise. She felt like she was about to blow up. She did not understand why the doctors could not do their best to get their medicine in time. Her heart raced inside her chest as she gripped her blanket tighter.
It was only seven hours ago when she did not want to show her weaknesses... But now, everything seemed so distant, that she did not care about everything else. The only person she cared about was him- and because of her, his life is on the line.
That circumstance turned her life around. She wondered if she deserved to feel all this. She felt tears rushing down her face as her vision tilted crazily. Everything made her think of him. His smile, his face, his eyes...
She thought she finally won all these demons that haunted her ever since she felt this certain feeling for him when he told her he loved him.
Did she have to wait for him to collapse in his arms? To plead for affection? To look for peace in her eyes before she finally told her what she felt for him?
Why is it too hard to express my feelings for him? I want to tell him that I love him... that without him, I'm broken... and to make me whole, he has to be with me to assemble all the pieces because I'm all over the place... Kitty thought desperately.
She looked up to the ceiling of Kurt's room and mouthed. "I want to die with you. If you died right now, I want to be with you..." She clenched her fists and lay face-first on Kurt's pillow, trying to find a trace of his scent.
But there was none.
She felt her heart go into overdrive. She wanted to collapse the way Kurt collapsed as well. She thought of different ways to kill herself- that if she drugged herself, she wouldn't feel so much pain... that if she slit her neck, she would die easily...
She was getting desperate. She did not know what to do. She felt guilty. She felt like she was the cause of all this. She wanted to die.
There was nobody she could talk to now, unlike before when he was always there for her. She never felt so alone before. She wanted to hold him close, touch his face and tell him how much he meant to her... But it was too late now, it was just too late.
Even though he wasn't dead right now, she felt like he was gone. She felt an unusual longing to see him again. Nobody could blame her for feeling this for she went through too much.
She hoped that this would end quickly. She wished that she would wake up from this endless nightmare and have him in her arms again. She prayed desperately for the hurt in her heart to stop and for the tears in her eyes to run dry. But nobody seemed to be listening to her prayers.
She stood up and decided to end this all. She phased downwards to the kitchen to get a bottle of sleeping pills. Her hand shook as she twisted the bottle open. She poured a couple of pieces to her hand and sighed as she calmed her breath.
She was about to take in half a dozen of the pills when she heard Logan and Professor Xavier talking in the foyer.
"I fear for Kitty's safety, Logan. Nobody knows what she's capable of doing if we let go of Kurt." Professor Xavier said.
"I don't understand why you won't let us get the antibiotics from off shore." Logan replied.
"I've promised Doctor Adams that I am to trust him and his medics, Logan, and besides-"
"To hell with Adams and his stupid medics! He's gone mad! For all I know, he's holding the medicines up so the elf could die!" Logan exclaimed.
"We have no choice. No doctor would help us but him. If we make a wrong move, we risk being exposed or worse- killed."
"You're sick, Charles." Logan grunted as he left the room.
"Kitty I know you're in there." the professor called. Kitty dropped the medicine bottle and the pills on the floor and bent down to her knees as Professor Xavier entered the kitchen.
"We have to be strong, Kitty. We have to be strong for him."
"I'm tired of this, professor. You always think of yourselves. I'm sick of this. I'm sorry" Kitty stormed out of the room.
"The doctors are doing all they can, Kitty. Kurt will be cured in no time."
"No, they're not. They're humans, they think we're beasts. They want as dead." Kitty stood up and faced the professor who was dumbfounded.
"Don't generalize like that, Kitty. Doctor Adams was the only one who volunteered to help Kurt though this." the professor replied.
"I'm sorry professor. I just can't take this anymore. I won't sit down and watch Kurt lying on his deathbed. I'm leaving." Kitty said as she walked towards the door.
"Kitty, where are you going?" he asked. Kitty gritted her teeth and dried her eyes.
"I'm going to get that medicine. I won't watch Kurt die." she whispered to herself.
hi guys! sorry for the late update! finally, i got my brain to work... sorry if it's too short... the next chappie will be good, i promise!