Hello all. This is the first fic I've ever published in the YGO section, so, yay! Usually I only write humour in exceptionally crazy moments, so this is one of them. I'm actually writing a more serious story as a major work . . . but, seeing as that's not out yet, no one cares! So we'll just carry on! ENJOY OR BE DAMNED.
I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, and I'm certain Yami would kill me if I did.
For I Am Pharaoh
Chapter The First
"Yugi, I have had enough."
Yugi looked at Yami, curious. "Huh?"
"Yes you heard me. I have had enough."
"Enough of . . . what?"
"It is obvious."
"Uh . . . no it's not." Yami gave him a disgruntled look.
"Fine. I shall spell it out to you. You realize that I was a Pharaoh of great power in Ancient Egypt, right?" The pint-sized duelist nodded whilst continuing to paint his spare cards pretty colours. "Well, it is a great affront to my royal stature –"
"Oh no . . ."
" – to not be treated as ruler of this world –"
"You're not thinking of . . ."
" – thus it is high time I took it back for myself. For I am Pharaoh –"
"Ruler of this world, be it ancient times or modern!"
With that, Yami did his trippy turn-shirt-into-a-cape trick and flounced out of the room, presumably to prepare for his world domination. Yugi sighed, and packed away his paint set. There was no reasoning with the spirit when he was in his "For I am Pharaoh" mode. Actually, there was no reasoning with him in most of his modes, except for the "Let's play with Barbies" and "I want some ice cream" modes. But those didn't appear too often.
So, resigned to the horrible fate before him, Yugi went down the stairs.
"NOW LISTEN UP!" Yami shouted, cracking his whip (where'd he get that?). "I require the utmost obedience and loyalty from people who intend on being my co-conspirators on this holy mission from God. Any wisecracks, goofups, pranks, comments about my hair, tripping over shoelaces and whinging about the food will NOT be tolerated under any circumstances. Do you hear me?"
He swept his eyes over the line of people in front of him. Most looked confused, disgruntled or weirded out; Kaiba merely looked pissed and Mai merely looked at her nails.
"What's going on Yugi?" Joey whispered to his friend, trying not to get the attention of the Pharaoh. "Why did he round us all up with that stupid whip and put us in a line?" Yugi just stared ahead with a 'woe is me' expression.
"You'll find out soon enough."
"NO TALKING IN LINE!" Whocksshhh went the whip right in front of Yugi's face. He yelped and jumped onto Tristan's shoulders accidentally, which is quite impressive considering the height difference between them. Tea frowned.
"Now look Yami," she started, but was suddenly being glared in the face by the aforementioned person. Now even though he was shorter, he's still pretty scary when he's glaring, don't you think? I know I get scared. Anyway. She gulped and looked at him.
"Not another word Tea. Because we all know what'll happen." Everyone in line nodded. Tea looked confused.
"What do you mean? I was only going to say that-"
"YOU SHOULDN'T TREAT YOUR FRIENDS LIKE THAT, THERE'S A BOND BETWEEN US THAT CAN'T BE BROKEN!" everyone shouted, knocking her off her feet. She didn't say another word after that.
"I don't need this. What am I even doing here? I'm leaving," Kaiba announced suddenly, grabbing Mokuba and dragging him along behind him. Quick as a flash Yami jumped in the way.
"You are not going anywhere Kaiba." Giving him a very rude gesture that I'll leave up to your imaginations, Kaiba pushed past him and kept going. Bad move.
"KAIIIIBAAAAA!" Yami screeched, and made a weird twisty movement with his hands. There was a burst of black shadow energy and everyone winced. When it faded, they all looked over at Kaiba, who was apparently wearing . . .
"BUNNY PYJAMAS?!" he shrieked. "YOU BASTARD!" Kaiba launched himself at Yami, who had switched to his infamous 'Bring it on, bitch' mode. And then the fight was on-
****THIS SCENE HAS BEEN CENSORED DUE TO ITS SEVERE VIOLENCE AND UTTER RETARDEDNESS. PLUS I CAN'T THINK OF HOW TO WRITE IT SO WE'LL JUST SKIP IT. OH, AND ASSUME THAT YAMI WON****
"Right, any more objections?" the Pharaoh asked his 'troops', all looking a bit dirty and messed up from the giant cartoon explosion that had just happened but we didn't get to see.
"Yes sir," they all groaned, Joey making a face at Yami's back as he passed. Yami grinned and brandished his sword (I wonder where he keeps getting these weapons). "Now, I require a crack team of loyal servants . . . sadly, I have you. For now, I shall choose who gets to accompany on my holy mission from God." He started pointing at everyone in turn. "You, you, you, you, you, you, you and . . . no, not you."
"But but but WHY?!" Ryou cried. Yami sniffed and tossed his head.
"You always start crying at the worst times."
"No I don't!" Ryou wailed, starting to cry.
"WELL WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT?!"
"DON'T YELL AT MEEEEEEE!"
"I WILL YELL AT WHOEVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE, MORTAL!"
"YOU'RE SO MEAN TO ME! *sobsobsob*" Joey gave Ryou a weird look, and patted him on the shoulder awkwardly.
"Uh . . . there there Ryou . . . um . . . don't cry?"
"I *sniff* can't *sob* help *waah* it!" Ryou must have stolen Yugi's 'woe is me' look because he was pulling it off very fashionably at that moment. Yami sighed and scratched his head.
"You are so pathetic. I thought your yami had given you a stronger backbone. Where is he anyway? I might require his devious sense of deviousness."
Ryou blinked and looked down at his shoes (soaking wet from the tearfest). "Well . . ."
"I LOVE THE NIGHT LIFE!" Bakura shrieked, dancing wildly around the Jamaican night club.
"He's um . . . busy . . . torturing people." Everyone blinked, and stared around. Suddenly a branch snapped overhead and fell on top of Mai, promptly killing her. Everyone blinked, and stared at the dead duelist. Yami shrugged.
"I was not going to take her anyway. She keeps stealing my eye shadow."
"You wear eye shadow?" Mokuba giggled, and everyone burst into fits of laughter. Yami had a little tantrum, which only made everyone laugh harder.
"IT IS THE CUSTOM OF MY PEOPLE, FOOL! AND IT LOOKS GOOD ON ME!"
Finally everyone stopped laughing (or in Ryou's case, laughing and crying at the same time). Looking flummoxed, annoyed, bamboozled, ruffled and shitty all at once, Yami turned to them all.
"O-K," he intoned through clenched teeth. "You are all coming with me right now to assist me in . . . oh what NOW, Ryou?" He snarled as the white-haired boy's hand waved in the air.
"Even me?" Yami sighed.
"Yes, even you." Ryou squealed and burst into happy-sobs, hugging Kaiba so tightly round the neck he was in danger of suffocation.
"As I was saying. You are all coming with me-" he ignored the happy squeal from Ryou, "to help me take back what is rightfully mine."
"Are you gonna tell us what exactly we're doing?" Tristan asked, poking the dead Mai with his foot.
"No," Yami answered. He clapped his hands and a large fighter jet appeared. Everyone found this surprising except Yugi, who once again had the 'woe is me' look back and Kaiba, who muttered, "Show off" under his breath. "Now, ON THE JET!"
Ryou bounced ahead happily whilst everyone else panicked as Yami started cracking his whip AND swinging his sword in their general direction. They all ran onto the plane (Tea tripping over Joey in the process and landing on his head), which was surprisingly well furnished for a fighter jet that's meant to be a killing machine.
Kaiba once again snatched Mokuba and pulled him into a corner, just so that he could have a sulking-buddy. Poor Mokuba. The rest of our motley world domination crew all took up some seats near the windows. Nobody knew where Yami had gone, until the loudspeaker overhead crackled (and screamed) into life.
"THIS IS YOUR PHARAOH SPEAKING!" he shouted, deafening everyone. "THE PLANE IS TAKING OFF NOW. ASK NO QUESTIONS AND YOU WILL NOT BE HURT – WHAT IS IT RYOU?!"
Somehow Yami had managed to know that Ryou was waving his arm around again. Ryou was bouncing up and down in his seat (poor kid is starved for attention) and looking eagerly at the far wall.
"What's the in-flight movie gonna be Mister Yami sir?" There was silence for a few seconds.
"JURASSIC PARK. NOW SHUT UP!" With that, the plane rumbled and started to move along the road (running over a few cars, Bandit Keith and a tanker truck in the process).
Soon enough, they were in the air, flying to god knows where to do god knows what. But, that doesn't matter, does it? Yugi was glumly playing handsies with Joey, who kept misjudging his claps and smacking Yugi in the face. So the dominant sound in the plane was "Oof!" "Sorry!" "Agh!" "Sorry!" "Ow!" "Sorry!" "Gah!" "Sorry!" "Yea!" "Sorry – oh wait, that was you that time." "Shut up Joey".
Tea and Tristan, on the other hand, were trying (not too subtly) to get a rise out of Kaiba by throwing popcorn at him. Eventually, Kaiba got up and stormed over, grabbing Tea by the collar and shaking her, popcorn falling all over the place. "DO YOU MIND WOMAN?! THAT'S EXTREMELY ANNOYING!" Mokuba said nothing, just caught the popcorn in his hand as it fell off his brother and ate it.
Nobody even went near Ryou, who was crying in fear as the Tyrannosaurus proceeded to eat the man on the toilet. Everyone knew that they'd be caught in Ryou's Embrace of Doom if they did.
It had been, oh, let's say an hour, when dinner was served. Don't ask me how it was served, I certainly don't think Yami employed any air stewards on his global domination flight, but it was served all the same. A disgruntled Kaiba came over (dragging Mokuba by the collar) and they all proceeded to eat.
Everything was going fine, until there was a slight cracking sound, followed by an "Eep." They turned to see Ryou, watery eyed, staring at his chopsticks, which hadn't separated right. One was broken at the top. He sniffed once, twice, then started wailing and latched onto Kaiba again. No matter how hard Kaiba punched Ryou on the head, he wouldn't let go.
The others went back to their meals as Kaiba began flailing on the ground, Ryou crying all the while. It was going to be a long flight.
Huzzoo! Review and make me happy. Chapter 2 is finished, but not up. Chapter 3 is . . . non-existent right now. Lalala. See you next time!