Answer to Charlene's challenge issued with A Bat A Cat and Lost Arrow to continue on with days in the life of the Titans on their 'switch week.'

As always, standard disclaimers apply.

Wally's Wacky Web Log **

So, we're supposed to do some kind of book report or something saying what we learned, and sometimes I forget things kind of quickly, so I'm going to write down everything as it happens so that everyone can see.

Hour One:

Mr. Queen showed me around the place. It's a nifty outfit. Roy has Super Mario Brothers Three, which was awesome. They have a gym right next to Mr. Queen's bedroom with like weights and a treadmill and stuff. The treadmill is worthless, but Mr. Queen promised to teach me all about weight lifting, and stuff tonight. He says your body has to be strong to have precise control. This was a really cool idea that Superman had. He's the best, really. I get to hang out in this awesome bachelor pad, guzzling down Zesti's and eating Twinkies with Mr. Queen. My only regret is that I can't be Robbie. That little turd got to spend the week with Wonder Woman. She makes me feel giggly inside.

Hour Two:

I came down off the Twinkie sugar rush and ate all the frozen pizzas and two loafs of white bread. I also scoured the kitchen and found honey mustard and fifteen packets of ketchup. I'm not too proud to admit that I have consumed them all. Some lady came to the door to get Mr. Queen to open a pickle jar for her. I don't think she was wearing any pants. That must be some pickle emergency! Mr. Queen must have seen me looking at the pickles with hunger in my eyes, because he offered to help the lady, if she'd just step into his gym. It must be one heck of a pickle jar, too. I hear them struggling something fierce.

Maybe they'll give me a pickle when they get it open. I hope it's koscher. I don't like dill so much, but anything in a pinch.

Hour Three:

I wonder if Mr. Queen needs me to call in the Justice League or something. That pickle jar is sure giving them a tough time. One time when I was with the Titans, Roy found this cookie jar in a junk heap, and when we opened it, there was a demon inside. It COULD be like that. But every time I ask, he tells me to go away, he has everything under control. I found a few Cheetos under the sofa. I'm wasting away. I started playing Mario Bro. 3 to try and distract me. But the stupid people move so slow. I need some carbs, man. I need them so bad.

Hour Four:

I knocked on the door and asked if he needed help again, and he snapped at me pretty good. It wasn't because I really care if he's eaten by the pickle jar or anything, journal. I'm just very concerned for our current food situation. There're no more Cheetos in the sofa, and the soy sauce I found next to the TV is gone.

Hour Five:

I hope that stupid pickle jar kills Ollie. Then I can call Barry to come pick me up. And then, when Ollie's dead, Batman will laugh. I betcha he can.

Hour Six:

Superman. this was the worst idea in the world. Barry, you were always like a father to me. I never got to say that I love you. I want mom to have my Flash ring. I hope it'll help her find the courage to leave that farm, and the person that keeps her there. Aunt Iris. I'm going to miss your cookies most of all. You've been a pal.

Hour Ten:

I've been staring at the dots on the ceiling tile, noticing how I'm not dead. Fascinating.

Day Two

I've learned that you can actually stop your body at super-speed. It took me four hours to figure out how to halt my metabolism, and my resting heart rate is fifteen beats per minute. Robbie's not full of shit after all.

Day Three

My new resting heart rate is seven beats per minute. Ollie said to keep up the good work, and tomorrow he'd buy me a pizza.

Day Five Day four got lost somewhere. Ollie set down a stack of pizzas and said it was my reward for a job well-done. At least that's what I've been told. I remember a blur out of the corner of my eye, and the smell of something cheesy, but it took me like a whole day to figure out how to stop being slow. You think at super-slowness too. When I could finally think at a normal speed, the pizzas were there, but they were all cold and stuff. Roy said once that you can eat a pizza that's been out for two weeks and not get sick, so I ate them anyways. At normal speed. I'm not sure if Barry would be proud or not. I was just too hungry, and too tired to speed up. It was a little weird. Ollie asked if I wanted fresh, but I was too hungry to wait. Ollie's a pal and a good teacher and stuff, despite the fact that he's a child neglecter and a bunch of other bad things.

Day Six Ollie took me to a bar. I'm not sure that's really. legal. He said it's just not legal to sit at the "bar" part of the bar, if you're a minor. Whatever. I'm not sure he's supposed to be drinking, either, but he says that it's all part of his "cover" and we're there to get information or something, but I'm pretty sure that said information was just the phone number of the lady who came over with the pickle jar and not wearing any pants. I think that's illegal too, not wearing pants.

Day Seven I'm going home today, and I'm kind of glad. I think the pizza made me sick. Roy's a dirty rotten liar. I told Ollie that it was Sunday, and therefore we had to go to church because Barry always took me to church, and it was important to go every Sunday and get some God and stuff. He opened his mouth, and there was something mean twinkling in his eyes, but then he closed it again. I took out the piece of paper I tore out of the phone book that had service times for Grace Methodist church on Weinstein and Swiss Avenues, in the cultural district. Barry said I had to listen to Ollie the whole week, but I wasn't going to take any 'guff' on this. Ollie had to come with me. I told him Barry thought it was really important to get God every week, to make sure you had a good week ahead. Ollie muttered something about superstitious losers, but grabbed his jacket and told me to get in the car. I had to smile to myself. Barry was always upright and good and stuff, but sometimes he liked to nettle Ollie, and I had to agree. It was the best feeling in the world. Barry said I had to listen to Ollie all week. And I did. For six days. But the seventh day belonged to the Kid Flash.

The End