Legolas Greenleaf: Agent of MESS


Disclaimer: Legolas Greenleaf and associated characters belong to JRR Tolkien. Legolas' appearance belongs to Orlando Bloom in a wig. The James Bond concept was created, or at least best used by Ian Fleming. A few odd characters and moments belong elsewhere.

Author's Notes: There is now a general title for this fic: "Ringfinger". Oh the joys of punning on Bond titles.

Reviewer replies: theinklesspen: [blushes] Awesome? Thank you! I'm so glad you found it.

Idlewild: Correct! Despite the fact they stuck that bit on the front of a different film. I'm having fun too. And I'm still churning it out (see below).

Nemo Returning: I've always loved that joke. Hee hee.


Chapter 12. The Dawning Day

Aragorn stared anxiously at the water where the wizard and the Elf had vanished. All the orcs within distance were dead, either drowned or shot with arrows. He began to run down the stairs, towards the fast-rising water's edge. The water was black with orc-corpses and shadow, impenetrable.

"Legolas!" he called, terrified for the fate of his friend. There was nothing. The water still poured in, lapping at the toes of Aragorn's boots.

Then, suddenly, bubbles shot up. Greenleaf surfaced, throwing his hair back and taking a huge choking breath. Spotting Aragorn, who was now up to his knees in the water though he hadn't moved, he began to swim in his direction. The man went up a couple of steps, though the water was rising faster and faster. Greenleaf's strokes began to flag, showing his exhaustion, but he kept going. Aragorn was being forced up and up to stop himself being swept off his feet by the rushing waters that Greenleaf fought. Foam hissed around them both, though it went mostly unheard against the roar of the falling water.

Aragorn had almost reached the stone platform when Greenleaf finally reached the steps. The man helped him pull himself out, and then hauled him up the steps. They collapsed for a moment on the platform. Greenleaf spat out some water. He was still gasping from the physical exertion of fighting the swirling waters.

"Saruman?" Aragorn managed to ask.

"Dead," Greenleaf told him, "but I got the ring." He pulled out the box, opening it to show the man the ring.

"It looks kind of small and insignificant, doesn't it?" Aragorn said.

"Hmm." Greenleaf was non-committal. He jumped when he felt the water creeping up round him. "We'd better move."

They raced up round the stairs, occasionally slipping on wet boots. Aragorn was sprayed every now and then by water from Greenleaf's hair. The water behind them charged up after the pair, tagging their footsteps. Finally, the door was before them. It was shut, and proved to be locked as they tried it. Long-dammed river water began to circle their feet. Greenleaf re- sheathed his knife, which had still been in his hand.

"Got a lockpick?" he asked. "Mine was in my tunic."

Aragorn handed one over, looking worried. Greenleaf set to work with the small piece of metal. The water was at their knees, then their waists. Then it was over the lock, causing the Elf to curse. He continued to work at the lock, despite the difficulties, and finally had it unlocked. It took both of them to heave the door open against the flood, forcing it forward against the weight of the water. The entire circle of Isengard was filled.

"We'll have to swim for it!" Greenleaf yelled, moving forward. "We can't wade; the current's too strong and the water too deep!"

"Oh boy," Aragorn said, following. He plunged in, wishing that it wasn't so cold. Dawn had passed, leaving the sky pale, though there was no sun for warmth. Aragorn felt his muscles grow icy as he tried to move them. Determination won through, and he and Greenleaf battled their way across in a haphazard fashion. The current would pull them off-course, while they would strive to correct their direction. It was wearying; always two steps forward and one step back, figuratively speaking. They swam now side by side, keeping stroke. The waters still poured into Isengard from the river.

It took endurance and willpower, but the pair reached the gates eventually. The waters spilled out through the opening, spreading around the base of the wall. Greenleaf and Aragorn crawled out of the water, grateful to be on dry ground. The advance of the water was sluggish outside the stronghold. Elf and man fell to the ground, arms and legs rebelling against the thought of further movement. Greenleaf lay on his back, ignoring his wounds.

"I ought to say," he admitted, "I didn't think you'd be any good. A lot of men I've met haven't been."

Aragorn grinned. "Thanks," he said, "but I was brought up by the Elves in Rivendell. And I've got Elven blood in my heritage."

"So it's not surprising then," Greenleaf said, then laughed. "And there's me thinking that you were doing awfully well for a mere man."

They both lay there in an easy companionship. The sun was just beginning to rise from behind the clouds, and the day was promising to be a good one. Made even better by the defeat of Saruman and the destruction of his orc army. Greenleaf closed his eyes as the sun's first rays spread across his face from the East.

"Here comes Eomer, and his riders," Aragorn said, gazing off in the same direction.

"Oh, good," Greenleaf replied, "I can get my cloak back."

"You're cold?" Aragorn asked with a small laugh. Greenleaf scowled half- heartedly.

"You know I'm not," he said, "but I'm damned if I let the Lady Eowyn keep it. There're not many of those around." He raised two fingers to his lips and whistled piercingly.

"Hey, warn me if you're going to do that!" Aragorn squinted off to where hoofbeats were now approaching from. Shadowfax and Hasufel came galloping up to the pair. The riders of Rohan arrived shortly after. Greenleaf and Aragorn stood, albeit slowly, to meet them.

"Good morning," Eomer hailed them as he rode up, "I hope you have completed your mission?"

"Of course," Greenleaf told him, smiling, "would you expect otherwise? Saruman is dead, and the object I was sent for is in my possession."

"My sister gave us your message," the horseman said, "though we weren't sure at first what you meant."

"Well, it look like you got it," Aragorn said, indicating the water behind them.

Eomer laughed. "And it worked better than expected," he answered, "but you two look rather wet and tired. I think we must ride for Edoras."

"We can tell uncle how close he came to having orcs for house guests!" Eowyn exclaimed.

"I bet he'll be glad," Greenleaf said as he mounted Shadowfax, "they've got terrible manners."


"So, we're free of Saruman's presence?" King Theoden asked, after the whole story had been reported to him. Greenleaf nodded.

"How can I ever thank you?" the King effused, clasping the Elf's hand. "You've saved all my people!"

"Just doing my job," Greenleaf said, "and I wasn't alone."

Behind him, Aragorn, Eomer and Eowyn smiled. They were all gathered again in the map room. It was almost lunchtime.

"I still can't believe that Gríma was a spy for that accursed wizard!" King Theoden spat.

"I can," Eowyn said, hands on her hips, "he was such a leech. He was hoping that he'd get to marry me."

"My poor niece!" Theoden said, hurrying to her side and hugging her. She rolled her eyes, but accepted it.

"What will you do now, Legolas?" she asked, after her uncle released her.

Greenleaf was not overly surprised at the question. He looked at the lady, seeing her hopeful face, pretty despite the smears of dirt. She didn't look like she wanted him to leave.

"I must return," he replied, "I will have more work to do." He watched her face fall. No complications, he reminded himself. He would be needed in Lothlorien. And he didn't need a mortal woman; he was an Elf. He had all the time in the world.


It was the down periods that he hated about the job. The long slow days when nothing happened, when he sat in his office filling out paperwork. The healers had declared him fit for work only two days before, and he had been back as soon as he could. Even the paperwork was better than sitting around doing nothing. But that was beginning to pall. Greenleaf was best at his job when out of the office, out among the people. That was when he loved it.

He almost wished he were back in Edoras, among the men and their horses. But that would become more complicated, and attachments would form that were unwanted. No woman was worth it; Greenleaf remained married to his job. It was his first priority.

He reminded himself of this as he shuffled another pile of paper. No matter about the tedious times; there would always be adventurous, dangerous missions for him to fulfil, just not all the time. There would occasionally be times in the middle of these when he wished that he were safe behind a desk, but not often. And he never heeded them. He stifled a yawn and reached for the next sheet.

He never got there. There was a knock at the door and an Elf stuck his head in.

"Greenleaf? G wants to see you in her office. She's got another job for you." He vanished again.

Greenleaf stood slowly, idly taking the time to place a paperweight on top of the sheets of paper. He stretched out his arms languorously, then began the walk to G's office.

The End.


Well! Here we are. The end of the road in fic terms. Thank you for all the continued support of reviews. Also, thanks for anyone who's been reading but not reviewed. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It hasn't been my most popular fic in terms of readers, but it has been one of my favourites to write. It is certainly my longest so far. And so, that's it. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye. That's the end of 'Legolas Greenleaf: Agent of MESS'.

Or is it?

Sources close to me (ie, myself) would be suggesting that the adventures of the Elven secret agent are far from over. Could it be. . .a sequel?

In a word, yes. The plot bunnies have grown quite vicious and demanding, and writing has already commenced. Pages of plans in illegible, hasty handwriting litter my desk and my brain is plagued with Bond title puns. No overall title as of yet, but there will be. Here's a brief summary. . .

Following an attack on the Golden Wood, the fearless secret agent Legolas Greenleaf must go with a team, first into the deeps of Moria, then into the evil heart of Mordor itself. Prejudices must be overcome, friendships forged and enemies killed, all in the Elf's inimitable style.

There now. Are you all on the edge of your seats? You'd better sit back, this will take me some time to write. It definitely won't be up until next year, but be assured, I am working flat out for you. The chapters are going to be twice as long as most of the ones here. But in the meantime, he's a few taster moments that may or may not appear in the final version. . .

"See their badges," Haldir said, pointing to a red mark on one of the orcs' skin.

"A red eye," Greenleaf breathed, realising its significance, "Sauron."


"A Dwarf?" Greenleaf asked, unable to stop himself.

"An Elf?" the Dwarf asked, at the same moment.


"Legolas lives dangerously -he expects to kill or be killed." She patted Aragorn's hand gently. "I'm only sorry you had to get caught up in it."


A fanfic in many chapters, penned by your humble author, the Rabbit of Iron. A star-studded cast including:

Legolas Greenleaf

Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and Gimli, son of Gloin

Galadriel, Gandalf, Haldir, Rumil, Orophin and many more besides!

A multitude of bad guys!

Exotic locations, including the fabulous Mines of Moria!

Coming soon to a website near you. . .as soon as it's written!