Talk Show Trauma!

Starring your favorite stars of your favorite anime!

*Focus in on the outside of a large studio*

"C'mon, you guys!" Kagome yells into a black car next to her. "NO!" two men yell back at her. Kagome glares in the car. "Get out now!" she yells again. Miroku and Sango walk up behind her and start laughing.

"NO!!"

"YES!!"

"NO!!!"

"YES!!!"

"NO!!!!"

"NO!!!!"

"YES!!!!! And that's…oh, God damn it!"

Kagome reaches in and yanks out Inu-Yasha and Sesshomaru by their hair. Sesshomaru growls at her. "You have a lot of nerve, wench!" he yells. Kagome smiles evilly and yanks on his hair, causing him to screech like a cat that had just had their tail stepped on. Kagome begins to walk forward, her hands still tightly grasping their hair.

"Why are we doing this again?" Inu-Yasha asks. "You two need to sort out your differences once and for all," she says simply. "Yeah, but why on the Dr. Phil show?" he asks. "At least you could've picked a show that the chairs aren't nailed to the stages. I mean, how violent are we gonna be, you took our swords?" Sesshomaru retorts. "True, but the point isn't to have the audience cheering for you like it's the WWF or something," she says. Inu-Yasha shook his head. "And to sort out my differences with my brother, I have to get told off by a talking cue ball?" Inu-Yasha asks. "Exactly," Kagome said with a nod.

20 Minutes Later~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The audience claps a little as the Dr. Phil theme song plays.

"Hello. For today's episode, we have two brothers who have come through time to sort out their differences," Dr. Phil says. He turns to the guys, whom Kagome is sitting in between.

"Now, when did your brotherly 'war', really start? Sesshomaru?" he asks. Sesshomaru growls. "I don't have to answer any of your f***ing questions," he shoots back. "Sesshomaru, can we please watch the language, and maybe answer my question?" he asks. "Fine. It all started when my ass**** brother over here got the sword that I rightfully deserve," he says in an annoyed tone.

Dr. Phil waves his finger at him. "Okay, now what did I tell you about the language?" he asked. Sesshomaru sighs. "Would you like me to talk like this?" he asked, adding a lisp to his voice. Dr. Phil shakes his head. "Anyway, tell me more about this sword," he says. "You mean the sword she confiscated?" Inu-Yasha asks, pointing to Kagome. Inu-Yasha turns to Sesshomaru. "And I hope you know, I'm talking about the sword that I got, the sword that I can use," he says sarcastically. "Bite me," Sesshomaru retorts. "Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru, please, stop with the language," Dr. Phil says. "Can it, chrome dome," Sesshomaru says rudely. Kagome elbows him. He glares at her, but then looks back at Dr. Phil. "Now, Sesshomaru, this is not the time to call people names," he says. "Oh, your just jealous," Sesshomaru retorts.

Dr. Phil looks strangely at him. "And what do think I'm jealous of, hmm? Your hatred for your brother?" he asks. Sesshomaru shakes his head. "Your just jealous of my hair," he says. "And what would make you think that?" Dr. Phil asks. "I have some," he replied simply. "We're not here to talk about who has hair and who doesn't," he says.

Sesshomaru nods. "See, you're jealous," he says.

"No, I'm not."

"Oh, yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"Prove it."

Inu-Yasha and Kagome, who have been sitting in their chairs silent for practically the whole time, are laughing so hard they look as though they are going to wet themselves.

An evil grin crosses Sesshomaru's face. He puts his arm under his air and begins throwing it around. "It's so pretty! Isn't my hair just beautiful, Phil?" he asks sarcastically. "Now, you're going to need to stop that," Dr. Phil says. "Jaken, get me another arm," Sesshomaru demands. Jaken walks into the audience and rips off the arm of a random viewer and bringing it over to him.

He takes the arm from Jaken. "Thank you. A little bloody, but it'll do," he says, sticking the arm onto his…ah…nub. Once the arm is secure, he starts up with the hair thing again, but with both arms.

"Oh, Phil! Don't you just love my long, flowing, beautiful, smooth hair?" he asks sarcastically.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Dr. Phil shoots up out of his seat, a vein popping out of his head. "THAT IS IT! I THOUGHT I COULD HELP YOU, BUT I WAS SADLY F***ING MISTAKEN! GOD HELP ME OR I WILL RIP EVERY ONE OF THOSE GOD DAMN HAIRS A YOURS OFF YOU'RE F***ING HEAD!!!!" he yells.

Sesshomaru just looks up at him, a fake look of innocence on his face. "Wow."

Stay tuned for next week's episode.

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!