Chapter 26: Bad Puns and Dark Corners of the Earth
Author's Note: Please let that be the right chapter number..Let me say, like I have many times before, even if you didn't hear it. I AM SO SORRY! I didn't mean to just -bam- stop writing. I had writer's block and then I just couldn't bring myself to write more. I was disillusioned with fanfictions. And very busy. But now I'm back! Yay? That's yay right? So...I'll finish this up, leave it at like, a good spot to stop. PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!
Harusame:...-siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh- Man...Man! I'm loooooooooost!-runs around everywhere- Ohmanohman!I'm gonna die in my own city!How embarassing! My friends will starve too! It's raining! I'm going to freeeeeeeeeeze!
someone: You stupid baby! You almost broke my box of shrunken heads! Watch it! They can't get wet!
Haru: O.o...shrunken heads...?
someone: Yes. Just right for my shop. They will sell like crazy.
Haru: Okay. right...-looks closer at person- Do I know you? Your anorexic form and tall hair seem familiar...
someone:-looks closer at Haru and gasps- No you don't. I am not anyone from your past.-walks away faster-
Haru: Nonono! I know you! You are----
someone: You don't know me! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! GO AWAY! YOU AWFUL GIRL!
Haru: Ahahaha! Someone I know! Henya! Henya how are youuuuuuu?-runs after him-Hey..can you share your umbrella?-walks under it-
Henya: go away. I didn't like you before. Too annoying.
Haru: -oblivious- So...you own a store or something?
Henya: -siiiiiiiiiiiigh- Yes.
Haru: Does it sell food? Cheap food?
Henya: ...sort of...
Haru: I thought you worked for the government...is this a side job?
Henya: No. I quit. I found all these cool things Japan doesn't have and decided to sell them.
Haru: Like what?
Henya: Like stuff Japan doesn't have. Can you go away? I really don't like you.(Gah...she asks me so many questions...)
Haru:That's so mean! I have money...you like money?
Henya: OO I loooooove money...would you like to come and see my shop?
Haru: I'd love to!
-At Harusame's house-
Sonomi: Well, we're in dude. Finally..
Soujiro: How much do you think it costs to fix that broken window?
Sonomi: Hmm..I think I don't care. It's not MY house..
Soujiro: Not mine either...oh well!-shrugs-
Sonomi: So...what do you want to eat while we're waiting?
Soujiro: I dunno...does Haru have any Mochi left?
Sonomi: No...I ate the last piece this morning before I ran off..
Soujiro: Oh..you fiend..I don't feel like eating anything else..-looks through kitchen- ...this is all boring stuff..Soba, Udon, rice..blahblahblah..
Sonomi: Yeah...aw man..
Soujiro: Isn't there anything COOL to eat?
Soujiro: HI HARUSAME!
Haru: GO AWAY! OO
Soujiro: Why..?Oh...you're hiding something!Tell me...
Soujiro: Please? PLEASE? My good friend?-sad eyes-
Haru: ...aw man..okay..I bought some Yatsuhashi from Kyoto. But I don't wanna share with any of you, so I'm hiding it. Now go away.
Soujiro: Can I have a piece? Just one?
Haru: Didn't I say I didn't want to share any with you? What's wrong with you?-goes into room and locks door-
Soujiro: Piggy piggy Yatsu-hog-shi...! Hog-usame!-sticks tongue out at locked door in an un-Sou-like fashion-
Soujiro: ...-idea- Hey...Haru's not here...I have an idea!
Sonomi: Harusame-chan..what's with that big box...?
Haru: You can't have any. I don't wanna share with you. -drags box into room and locks door-
Sonomi: Hog-usame. Geez. I should kill you! -attacks door-
Sonomi: Buahahaha!-walks off-
Sonomi: -sly smile- Me too...you want to go into Harusame's room Soujiro?
Soujiro: Yes, yes I do very much.
Henya: Here it is lucky customer!
-a creepy shop in an alley..it is filled with weird things..painted skulls, spears, voodoo dolls, strange fortune telling things, dead stuff-
Haru: OO What...! What is this! Henya...are you a Satanist?
Henya: -inward scream, outward sigh-You don't understand! NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND!
Haru: Calm dooooooown!Well! Explain! Make me understand!
Henya: -salesman voice-This is a new breakthough in back-alley shops, filled with out-of-Japan wonders of the occult! Prepare to be dazzled and amazed! Frightened and Astonished! This is Henya's Hen na monoya!(Note: Hen(na) means strange, monothing "ya" is a suffix meaning shop Ex: Sakanayafishshop.) OR, as I like to call it, "Henya's Henya"! Ta-DA!
Haru: Oh...'Henya's Henya'...catchy...I thought you sold food here though..you said you sold cheap food..
Henya: I said 'sort of' meaning this stuff can be eaten, but it's not really food-food..
Haru: Aw man! Do you sell maps? So I can go home and eat?
Henya: Maaaaaaaaaybe. Do you have a good amount of money?
Haru: -sees where Henya is going- Maaaaaaybe..Do you have a map of this city?
Henya: -realizes he lost- Aw man. Yes..I have one..it's here -pulls out a map- THIS beauty is one of a kind, written on paper with the blood of...scary things..and sealed with an..ah...a..a very strong pact of Hate..it is also cursed and will immoblize the owner in an ironic twist of fate, leaving them knowing where to go, but unable to move.
Haru: I think you made that up. -takes map and throws some yen at Henya-
Henya: I think you're an idiot. -counts money- And cheap.
Haru: I am not!-looks at map- oh hey, I'm one street off from my house! How funny. -tries to walk but is immobilized- What the heck?
Henya: Idiot-chan, didn't you hear my warning. It sounded fake, but it was all too true...muahahahaha...
Haru:-gasp- how long am I stuck here?
Henya: I don't know, no one's ever been dumb enough to buy it...
Haru: I hate you...-sits down- Hey..so is this really written with blood?
Henya: No..I made that part up. But you ARE trapped in an ironic twist of fate..-cackles evilly-
Soujiro:-opens door to Haru's room- woooww...I've been in here before maybe once...this place is a mystery...-looks around- ...Her room is cool.
Sonomi: It's practically empty. It's boring.
Soujiro: I know for a fact that the Yatsuhashi is in here! That means she has hiding places! That's cool!
Sonomi: Oh! Right! Let's start the search! Floor boards usually have secrets under them...
-they look around, opening floor boards, tatami mats-
Soujiro: hey! This mat has a secret under it! A box!
Sonomi: open it open it!
Soujiro: -pulls out a book-...The diary of Harusame!
Sonomi: EVEN BETTER THAN YATSUHASHI! Let's read it!
Soujiro:...I dunno...isn't it morally wrong to read someone's diary?
Soujiro: So we shouldn't read it...right?
Sonomi: Soujiro-kun, please. What if she wrote about us in there? Don't you want to know what she says about us? How she really feels behind her cold and bossy attitude? C'mooooooooooon! Admit it!
Soujiro: ...well...maybe a couple pages...
Sonomi: I knew it!
Soujiro:...I still feel a little bad...
Sonomi: That'll go away...
It's gonna rain tommorrow..I have to send Sonomi shopping. I feel like eating some ramen...
I am so hungry
I need to eat right now
"go shopping my friend"
Sonomi: What the heck! Is this some retarded haiku?
Soujiro: that's kinda boring..
Sonomi: Maybe it's a trick! Yeah! turn the page!
Yep. It's going to rain. I'm so happy. There have been birds flocking around. They woke me up. I think they smell my Yatsuhashi. I have to eat it right away. For lunch we had udon. It's so tasty. I felt like throwing some at Sonomi. I don't know why. She just looks like someone you should throw udon at. I'll eat some Yatsuhashi to spite her, since she'd kill me if I threw anything at her.
Sonomi: That pig!
Soujiro: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh...THAT's why all the birds are here...
Sonomi: Man! This is such a disappointment! Turn the page. If I don't find anything good I'm throwing this out the window.Psh.. Do I look like someone you should throw udon at Soujiro-kun?
Soujiro: No! No you don't...
Sonomi: I DO DON'T I! MAN! I should kill her! If I don't find something better in here I'll kill her!
The birds kept waking me up. Man! Oh well. I've been thinking about sharing my Yatsuhashi. It's way too much for me...plus, Soujiro's been so nice. Even more than usual. He deserves some 'cause he's sucha good friend. Sonomi's been flighty lately..I don't really want her to leave. I'll give her some and maybe she'll stay. She's my friend too..I'm so happy to have both of them.
Sonomi: AW MAN!-sniffle-
Soujiro: I feel so awful! I knew it! I knew this would be bad! She's our friend and we go and look for her Yatsuhashi and read her lame diary! I'm not a good friend!-cries-
Sonomi: W-we..we should go look for her...I had a feeling she was lost, but I ignored it...
Soujiro:...oh no! What if she's dead?
Haru: Aw man, I'm dying here! Can't you give me something to eat so I dont starve in front of your shop?
Henya: Well, I do feel a little sorry for you...Do you like chicken?
Henya: -brings over a cage with a live chicken- Knock yourself out.
Haru: What's this?
Henya: A live chicken, you kill it, cook it, and eat it.
Haru: I know! But why like this! Why ALIVE?
Henya: That's a demon chicken from Haiti. Raised to be E-VIL. I'd rather gnaw my own hand off than try to touch that.
Haru: So why do you give it to ME?
Henya: Because I don't like you. That's why.
Henya: I don't think he likes you either..hahahahahaha...
Haru: ...man...what an awful day...
Haru: wahhh! I'm gonna die and be eaten by a demon chicken! Tasukete! Tasukete onegai shimasuuuuu!(help! please help!)
-Sonomi and Soujiro are wandering around the city-
Soujiro: HARUSAMEEEEEE!C'mere Haru! Haruharu-chan!
Sonomi: Sou, stop calling her like a dog...oh! Excuse me ma'am-stops lady- Have you seen a girl about...-lifts hand- that high, brown hair, long locks in front, dressed like a tomboy?
Lady: No...-walks off very fast-
Sonomi: Man, we're getting nowhere...
Soujiro: Poor Haru! She's lost!
Sonomi: She's always lost. On the path of life.
Soujiro: But we feel bad about it this time...
Sonomi: ..actually, I'm all better now.
Sonomi: Yeah, guilt is all gone. Let's go home..and look for the Yatsuhashi again...
Soujiro: No..I can't..I still feel bad...
Sonomi: -siigh- I liked you better when you were an emotionless killer..
Soujiro: I don't know..it was easier, but I wasn't too interested with life. Now we live all together and I have so many things to experience..My life means more. I'm happy.
Sonomi: Oh c'mon! Don't get all touchy-feely with me now! Focus! Yatsuhashi!
Soujiro: ...maybe we can just walk around a little more? Like..let's shop for things Haru doesn't let us buy!
Sonomi:...hm..Good idea! I've been wanting to check out this new shop filled with not-Japan stuff. It looks cool. Filled with curses and stuff..
Soujiro: Cool. Let's go.
-turn the corner and walk down the alley to Henya's Henya(suprisesuprise)-
Soujiro: Hey...isn't it funny that this place is right over from Haru's house?
Sonomi: Yea--GAH!-falls and trips over something-
Harusame: Owwww! Watch where you're going you punk!-shakes fist at tripped Sonomi- GASP! Sonomi! You! First you get me lost and now you trip on me!
Sonomi: You! First you lock the house and now you trip me?
Soujiro: Ahh...! Haru! We found you! No fighting Sonomi, we've been looking everywhere for her! -gives Sonomi the "act-sincere" wink-
Sonomi: -gets wink and acts sincere- Ohh..right! Haruharu-chan! We found you!-hugs-
Harusame: wha..you guys were looking for me!-sniffle-
Sonomi: Yeah...let's go home...and eat something.
Harusame: I can't. I got immobilized by this map I bought from this store...
Sonomi: SO IT REALLY HAS CURSE-STUFF! AWESOME!
Soujiro: ...Henya...are you a Satinist?
Henya: -another inward scream- NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND!
Sonomi: Henya...what will let Harusame go?
Henya: That is bound by my hate. It will only let her go if you help me in some way.
Soujiro: Like how?
Henya: -pouty voice-I'm not telling...I want her to stay there and starve with the demon chicken..
Sonomi: Demon chicken?-realizes the demon chicken's cage is right in front of Haru- A CHICKEN! I LOVE CHICKENS!
Soujiro, Henya, Haru: ...
Sonomi: -talks to chicken- awwwwww...You look so CUTE!
Haru: It's a demon chicken from Haiti. It is E-VIL, not cute...it looks E-VIL.
Sonomi: It looks cute to me!-pets chicken- awww! Look at his cute eyes!Filled with black hate! X3
Chicken: baw-kawwwwwwwwwwwwww...-likes Sonomi-
Henya: It likes her! That woman is a DE-MON!
Soujiro: Maybe it's just a normal chicken with a bad attitude...
Henya: Nooo! Those don't sell as well! Demon chickens sell well!
Haru: Haha..'sell well'..it rhymes...
Soujiro: You are so simple sometimes...
Sonomi: I want this chicken! Haru! I love this chicken!
Sonomi: And it loves me! It said so!
Haru: Oo...No way am I to have a demon chicken in my house!
Sonomi: It won't live in your house! It'll live in a cute chicken-coop outside! I'll play with it and feed it everyday! promise!
Soujiro: Just let her have it...-whisper- Maybe this is how you get free? Eh, simple-Haru?
Haru: Don't call me simple!..but that is a good idea. I really want to leave..my legs fell asleep...
Sonomi and Chicken: -puppy eyes- Pleeeeeeeeeeassse?
Haru: Henya-kun...how much for this chicken?
Henya: DEMON-chicken.. and it looks about...20000000000000 yen.
Haru: RIP-OFF! That's too high! No way I'm paying that!
Henya: Well then, no way you are moving.
Haru: c'mon! Lower it!
Henya: 2000000000 yen..
Haru: I still can't pay for that! 2 yen!
Henya: Are you kidding! 200000000 yen!
-Kamatari walks in with Misha-san-
Kama: Ohhh! Look! It's a haggling fight!
Misha-san: -looks around-...Henya...are you a Satinist?
Henya: GAHHHH! That's it! ALL OF YOU LEAVE!
Misha-san: Woah..just asking..
Kama: This skull-lantern look cute..
Misha-san: --"""No it doesn't...
Henya: ...Why am I never listened to?
Soujiro: How about a trade?
Soujiro: Let's see...how about..we trade the map back for the chicken?
Henya: Still won't cover it. I can't take that back for a chicken of this much E-VIL..
Soujiro: ...how abouuuuuuuut...the map and...a shinigami?(God of Death)
Henya: YOU HAVE A SHINIGAMI?
Soujiro: Maaaaaaybe...can we have the chicken?
Henya: Take it! Take it away! I want that Shinigami!
Soujiro: Okay..you have to travel to the northern most part of Japan, and he will be there. There is a curse on him, and you must break it. After that, he will kill anyone you want, and you will have absolute power.
Henya: OKAY! COOOOOOOOOL! Shinigami here I come!-picks a random guy off the street- YOU! You now own this shop! It's called Henya's Henya. It's filled with cool curses and stuff!
Random Guy: Stop touching me you freak!
Henya: -already gone-
Haru:-walks around- Hey! I can move now! Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Thank you Soujiro!
Soujiro: No problem.-smile-
Sonomi: Is there really a sealed Shinigami up there?
Sonomi: Oh...that was kinda mean...and funny...
Soujiro: Yeah, he was really gullible...
Harusame: Hey! Sonomi! I have that shopping list for you! I almost forgot it in my doomed state!
Sonomi: Oh..hey...cool...well..I'll do that tommorrow..right now me and Dechi want to go home and play..
Sonomi: DEmon CHIcken. Dechi.
Haru: Oh...cute..I guess...
Kama: -runs up to the three with Misha-So, where are we going?
Haru: Weren't you shopping?
Kama: No, I can't afford any of it. Henya's such a cheapskate.
Misha-san: Plus, it was all cursed. It said so on the tags...
Kama: Really? I didn't notice! You saved me from a terrible curse I could have bought Misha-chan!
Misha-san: -big smile-Always lookin' out for ya!
Sonomi: Me and Dechi want to go home...
-all walk off to home-
-just so you know, the rain stopped a while ago..-
-At Harusame's House-
Kama: Why is your window broken Haru-chan?
Haru: Hey...why IS my window broken?
Soujiro: oo"""...It was like that when we got here. Some burglar came in, we checked around and nothing was stolen, but in your room, your dairy was lying in plain sight.
Sonomi: Y-yeah! We didn't read it. We went to look for you.
(That is some awesome lying...Soujiro is the best liar in the whole chapter..)
Haru: Oh okay..the nerve of them!
Soujiro: Ehehe..yeah..the nerve..."""""
Haru: It's okay though...that diary was a fake. My REAL diary is somewhere else...
Haru: -Gives Sonomi the "what's wrong with you-look"-What? I can't have a fake diary to fool idiots with? Why would I hide a diary in somewhere so obvious?
Sonomi: It was under a tatami mat under your bed!
Haru: So? That's obvious. If a ninja like say...Misao...came in, she would look there.
Soujiro: Why Misao?
Haru: I don't know any other ninjas who would bother looking for my diary..
Soujiro and Sonomi: Why is she looking for your diary?
Haru: I dunno. Misao's just cool like that I guess...or it could be that I read hers last time we went over there. It was really boring though. It had nothing but Aoshi in it. "I'm going to love my Aoshi-sama for the rest of my life, he is the best ever, he is my one and only love. I will never fall in love with anyone else.. M+Aeternal love"..stuff like that in it...
Soujiro and Sonomi: Oh...isn't that what she always says?
Kama: But even if you write public stuff in a diary, it's still a private thing I guess...
Soujiro and Sonomi: Oh..weird..
Haru: Yeah.-grumpy face- I'm gonna make Misao-chan pay for my broken window...
Sonomi: Okay..Oh..What's that Dechi?-makes chicken conversation with Dechi- Guys, Dechi's hungry. He decided he wants to eat before play.
Haru: Oh..well you should have gone shopping.
Sonomi: What Dechi?-chicken conversation again- Oh..shopping would not have helped. Dechi wants Yatsuhashi. As a child in Haiti, it was his only happiness. Imported Yatsuhashi.
Haru:..-uncomfortable silence- Welllll..I guess since he was part of Soujiro's rescuing of me, he can have some of my stash..
Sonomi and Soujiro: -fake suprise- YOU have a Yatsuhashi stash!
Haru: Yeah...I was planning on sharing it anyways..birds were starting to smell it..
-and they all go to eat tasty Yatsuhashi-
Soooo, how was it? For those of you who don't know, Yatsuhashi is a special Kyoto treat. It tastes very good. Soujiro bought some in volume 12 of the manga. So, for those of you who haven't bought it yet, GO BUY IT! Support Watsuki-sensei! They can be found in basically every bookstore! Borders, Barnes and Noble, even Suncoast sell them! Go! Go right now!
Anyways, yeah. I'm sorry for my long absence, and count this as the final chapter. Maybe I'll do a second story, like, The Fate of Harusame, Soujiro, and Sonomi..or maybe even a Dechi the chicken spinoff if I feel like it and have enough time, or if all of you want more. Wow..looking back, I never though I'd end this. All through the beginning and middle, I thought I'd always be writing this. When I got into 8th grade of Middle School, I was more busy, and even more so in my Freshman year of High School. Now I'm a sophmore. I feel very bad for leaving this alone after so many people liked it, I didn't think it would be so good and there were even two spinoff stories done by Misha-san, Sweet Chaos! The second one of those is unfinished too, about the time I left mine alone. Ahahaha...if you want to read them though, they are very good! VERY!
Thank you everyone who read these. If you liked it or didn't, reviewed or didn't, I'm glad you took a look at it. I thank all my support, and sorry I disappointed them(stop apoligizing!) Did I disappoint? I practically left with no notice, maybe it would have been better if I told you all I was getting very busy.. Yeah. -bows- ARIGATOU MINNA-SAN!
I'll do an epilogue, if anyone wants, but I don't know how many of you are still reading this..If I get people who want an epilogue, send me suggestions. What do you lingering readers want to happen? Since it's an epilogue, I can't really add any more characters, other than very quick cameos though. Send suggestions and I'll try to do one last update of the Fate of the Jupponganata. Ahaha..my story probably isn't so popular anymore, so I'd be suprised if anyone sent feedback.."""