Do my crying in the rain

Warnings/notes : Seto + Joey, first pov (Seto), Mokuba, not really a happy ending

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu Gi Oh. The song 'Crying in the rain' belongs to A-Ha and has also been used by me for another song-fic.

written at 20th july 2003, by Misura


//I'll never let you see

The way my broken heart is hurting me//

"Big brother? Are you all right?"

Mokuba has always been too perceptive for my comfort, too good at seeing through the small cracks in my mask I'm not even aware of.

For a while, I thought I could finally allow that mask to slip away, to show the real Seto Kaiba to the world out there. With you at my side, I felt like there was nothing I couldn't do.

You were so different from anyone I've ever known before.

I loved you.

I love you.

Perhaps I didn't tell you that every day, but I was sure you knew it just the same. Why else did you agree to try with me in the first place, if it wasn't because you believed in me?

You left me though. I'm alone again.

//I got my pride and I know how to hide

All my sorrow and pain//

"I'm fine, Mokuba."

What went wrong?

I still don't understand why you showed up that one day, bags packed and ready to go. I hadn't seen it coming, though that doesn't say much.

Emotions are not my strong suit.

You knew that.

You *knew* that.

Why didn't you try to talk to me about whatever it was that drove you away? Even Mokuba was surprised by your sudden departure.

Was it some kind of test I failed, to see if I truly loved you?

"No, you're not. You miss Jou, don't you?"

"Not at all." I shake my head.

"Yes, you do." A small hand tugs at my sleeve, to get me to look Mokuba in the eyes. "It's okay, big brother, I miss him too."

He sounds hurt.

I should hate you for that.

//I do my crying in the rain//

Perhaps, in some odd, twisted way, I deserved being deserted by you. Perhapds I deserved the pain you caused me by that act.

But he doesn't.

I have tried all my life to protect him from any harm and now you, the first person I trusted enough to share him with, have betrayed the faith he placed in you.

This house was a sanctuary for me, yet now it is haunted with memories.

Every room, every corner is tainted with images of you.

I can't bear to remain here any longer.

"Seto? Where are you going?"

I don't know, Mokuba.

But I'll always return for my little brother.

"Just for a walk."

//If I wait for stormy skies

You will know the rain//

"The've predicted rain." He protests, though he doesn't try to hold me back.

"It doesn't matter."

He nods, apparently satisfied with having warned me.

Outside, I can see why he'd be worried.

The sky is filled with dark clouds.

Funny, that.

On the morning you left, the sun was shining.

Its rays made your hair look golden in the light as you walked away.

Should I take today's weather as an omen?

And if yes, as one of good fortune or one of bad?

No matter.

To me, it seems the only good thing that can happen is you coming back.

You'll never do that.

//From the tears in my eyes

You'll never know that I still love you so//

I have seen you in school a few times.

You ignored me, unlike before, when we still fought.

I lack the courage to call out to you, to hear you throw the last shreds of my pride into the dirt for a reason I don't even comprehend.

Perhaps I am, after all, a coward.

Perhaps you are.

You were the first one to walk away.

In a way I suppose that makes me the final victor in the game we played for so long.

Only there's no need to keep score anymore.

Because you're gone, out of my life for good.

Or rather, for bad.

I should hate you for making me feel this weak.

But I can't.

//Only heartaches remain

I do my crying in the rain//

Love is like a drug, addicting.

I never needed it before.

What Mokuba gave me was enough.

It was a pure, clear kind of affection and loyalty, unsoiled by anything physical.

You changed that, changed me.

You made me into something different and then you broke me.

I feel something wet gliding down my cheek.

Looks like it's beginning to rain.

~to be concluded in the second part~