Author's note: We are two friends who both have our own fics here in fanfiction.net, but this is something that we wrote together in cottage in middle of forest one weekend and mostly in night time. This is purely for fun and both flames and reviews are welcome.

Disclaimer: We don't own anything except our selves and the plot.

Warning: You will probably hate us after reading this.

* Riki's thoughts*

Fuji: "I have my own fic in here fanfiction.net! It's called "Nalea's blessing." It's still incomplete but I will end it soon…"
Riki: "I have a fic too, you know!"
Fuji: "Okay, okay…sorry…she has her own fic too: It's called "Road of two shadows" and it's quite good…Happy?"
Riki: "You don't have to be sarcastic…well to the point, shall we?"
Fuji: "This is based on real events…"
Riki: "FUJI! …"
Fuji: "…Fine, not really…You are such a whiner…"
Riki: "…"
Fuji: "I am sorry."
Riki: "The point?!"
Fuji: "One day…"
Riki: "We don't want to hear your side of the story…I will let narrator tell it.

COFFEE AND PLAYSTATION JUST DON'T MIX

Voice from the darkness (read narrator): One sad Monday morning… as most of the people were in school or in work, Riki and Fuji decided to skip some classes at Riki's place. (Because she had larger TV screen, playstation 2, and no parents at home…)

Fuji interrupts:" And a coffee maker!"
Riki: "Don't interrupt him!"

Voice from the darkness: Thank you. Where was I… Oh yeah, and they were going to play Tenchu wrath of heaven's…

Fuji: "Versus mode!"
Riki: "Fuji!"

Voice from the darkness: …Tenchu wrath of heaven's versus mode. It was early hour and Riki was making coffee and some breakfast as Fuji was puzzling up Riki's playstation.

Fuji: "I have one too, but I am too scared to move it from my house…"
Riki (glaring evilly): "Fuji…!"
Fuji: "Sorry again. I will be quiet from now on… see I am quiet already." smiling proudly
Riki: "Fuji if you don't shut your big mouth now coffee maker will surely fly out of window!
Fuji: "…"
Riki: "You may continue now Tenrai."

Tenrai steps out of darkness.

Fuji: I can't believe it…you chose Tenrai to be our narrator.
Riki: Well he looks like my grandpa … (pictures Tenrai reading stories to kids) and besides he volunteered. He is so nice old man.
Tenrai protests: I am not nice. I am evil, you hear me EVIL.
Riki: He is even as grumpy as my grandpa…anyway back to the story.

Tenrai: Riki brought Fuji her cup of coffee and went back to the kitchen to make some sandwiches. Riki was cutting tomatoes as she heard loud "WHOOPS" from the living room.

Riki: I am going to continue from here for a little while. So, I heard Fuji's "WHOOPS" and then [PUFF] from the living room. I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes thinking:
*What on earth she have done this time.*
Now you have to understand that Fuji does these things all the time, so I just continued putting tomatoes between sandwiches. Then the weirdo stuff started to happen…I am cutting tomatoes in my kitchen and Onikage, the big baddie from the Tenchu rushes from the living room and across the kitchen and hides behind my freezer. Like Onikage's visit wasn't enough I heard Rikimaru's familiar voice from the living room shouting:
"Where the hell is that cursed guy?! … Hey, give it back!"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

^^from the Onikage's point of view^^

I was escaping Rikimaru's sharp blade when I saw a magical portal. Without a thought I jumped trough hoping it would close after me. I ended up in front of young female non-combatant. She was short and her face was very pale as she muttered something like:
"Riki is going to kill me."
I rushed away from the insane shortie to next room. It was lighter and there was big white box. I jumped behind it and hid. Then I heard Rikimaru shouting, and so I peeked behind from hiding place. There I saw longer non-combatant. She was quite tall and looked surprised, not afraid like non-combatants usually, just surprised. First I thought killing her, but it wouldn't be very wise. First of all she had huge knife in her hand, 2) blood would make tracking easier to Rikimaru and 3) she wasn't even screamed or ran away to alarm guards. No, she just stands there looking me. So I just gestured her to be silent.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

^^RIKI'S POV^^

I nodded to Onikage's silent order to be quiet. He looked frightened. Then I heard mumbling to my living room and so I decided to peek there. And this is what I see; Ayame, Kiku and Tatsumaru are sitting in my couch and it seems that they are making bets about something. Little bit left I see Rikimaru, who is trying to get his sword from Fuji. She looked very happy… (Own sword has been her biggest wish a looooong time). Then it struck me. I see my poor…well it is my life, my playstation 2, *who* is soaked from the coffee and OH MY GOD Fuji is approaching it with Izayoi…!
*Too shocked to continue.*

Tenrai:
Riki rushes to the room shouting: "Fuji what have you done this time!"

Fuji tries to look innocent, hides Izayoi behind her back, and says: "Nothing really." at her most convincing voice.
Onikage peeks from kitchen. People at the couch are disappointed for the tie, between Fuji and Rikimaru. Rikimaru sees Onikage and is about to kill him, as he realizes that his sword is still that short non-combatant.
Onikage: "Well, well, well where is your sword ninja?"

Onikage steps out from kitchen. His hand is wrapped around Riki's "Tomato- cutter" (read knife). People on the couch are starting to make bets again.
Tatsumaru: "Five bucks to Onikage."
Ayame: "You're on."
Kiku: "Can I bet for a tie."
Ayame: "Of course you can…"
Kiku: "I am in then!"

Rikimaru and Onikage glare each other evilly.

Riki: "No one is going to kill no one in my living room!"

Everyone seem scared, except Fuji who is still playing with Izayoi.

Riki: "Fuji, you need to give it back to Rikimaru…"

Rikimaru is nodding silently behind Riki's back.

Fuji: "Do I really have to? I have wanted to have a sword for ten years, and now, do I have to…?"
Riki: "Look that puppy dog face; give it back to him…"
Fuji: "On one condition…I see his face without that cursed black thing in front of it!"

Rikimaru is quiet for a while. Then he takes of the scarf (Fuji starts drooling) and trades the scarf to Izayoi. (Ayame and Riki are now drooling too…)


Kiku: "Why are you drooling…?"
Ayame: "Nothing really…"
Riki: *Stop staring at him Riki!* "Sandwiches, anyone?"
Kiku: "Yes please. I am a bit hungry."
Ayame: "Me too."
Tatsumaru: "Well, what are sandwiches? As long as they are food I will take one."
Onikage: "Yeah, I am hungry too."

Everybody look Onikage surprised.

Onikage: "WHAT? Can't a dead guy have hunger?"
Riki: "I will make one for you too."
Ayame asks at Fuji: "What is with that bizarre look?"
Fuji: "She has some "THING" to guys that look like junkies."
Riki: "No gossiping at the couch!"
Fuji: "… As long as I will get another cup of coffee… What about Rikimaru? Are you hungry?"
Rikimaru: "Sandwiches sounds nice…"

Fuji and Riki goes to kitchen. As they get away from the door they hear voices of battle. Riki sighs deep and peeks to the living room; She sees Onikage laying on the floor in huge pulp of blood. Rikimaru stands couple steps from him and looks away. Riki runs to Onikage as Kiku is already next to him.
Riki: "How could you do this to him,…and to my carpet?"
Rikimaru stays quiet. Onikage wakes up.
Onikage: "Oh, look now…What a mess he has made of me, I am really sorry about your carpet."

Rikimaru and the rest (except Riki) look at him in terror.

Onikage: "Jesus people! Get it already! I always come back!"
Kiku: "That is one of your good qualities…" smiles to Onikage
Ayame: "Get back in here young lady!"

Kiku obeys and Riki stand up to speak to Rikimaru.
Riki: "What is your explanation?"
Rikimaru: "He started it!"
Riki: "Can you grow up already."
Tatsumaru: "BOORING."

Fuji walks to the room and pats Rikimaru to the shoulder.
Fuji: "I know what you mean…"(tries to get Izayoi from his back)

Onikage rise from the floor.
Riki: "Let's go to kitchen."

Tenrai: "Every one obeys, they sat at table as Riki wonders:
*Where is Fuji and Rikimaru?*
She goes to living room and sees; Fuji hugging Rikimaru, as Rikimaru tries to get Riki helping him out of it. Onikage comes to see what is taking so long, as he got bored to harass Ayame's mental health by flirting with Kiku.

Onikage sees what Riki sees and starts to laugh. Rikimaru tries to get out of Fuji's hug whit out success. Rikimaru feels shamed as he can't get away from this non-combatant. This point Onikage is already rolling at the floor laughing.

Riki: "Could you please leave him alone, before they suffocate." (Meaning both, Rikimaru and Onikage)

Fuji: "Okay…" And loses her grip of Izayoi.
Riki: "You wasn't going to get that in any case."
Fuji: "Yeah, I know…" (Looks glum.)
Rikimaru kills Onikage (again), as he is lying helplessly at the floor, laughing hysterically. Kiku tries to get up from her chair.
Ayame: "You are not going anywhere." Makes her sit back.
Kiku: "Why did you do it Rikimaru?"
Rikimaru: "Because of my pride." (Ayame hears bride)
Ayame: "For who?" She asked hopefully.
Rikimaru: "For my PRIDE…"
Ayame: "Oh…"
Onikage wakes up.
Onikage: "This is unpleasant , dying I mean…"
Riki: " Sandwiches are getting cold, anyone?"

They were first situated like this:

Rikim. Onik. Tatsu Kiku
I_________________I
Riki Fuji Ayame

But Rikimaru killed Onikage. And then like this:

Rikim. Tatsu Fuji Riki
I_______________I
Onik. Kiku Ayame

But Rikimaru killed Onikage again and… again.

Tatsumaru: "Boys! Stop it! Not in the table, finish your meals and go out to play!"

Everyone else looked thankfully to Tatsumaru. Rikimaru and Onikage settles down as Riki and Ayame sat between them. They finally get to eat and then Riki looks the clock.

Riki: "Damn, It's already 11.00 am!
Onikage: "Time has really flew by me getting killed and rebirth again, again… and again…"
Riki worriedly: "It is lunch time! Do you know what that means Fuji?"
Fuji: "I better get to school before they kick me out of my chemistry class?"
Riki: "That too, but more importantly; My mom is coming home in any minute now! And 1) I'm home when I should be in school
2) my play station, that she doesn't know exist is on the living room where anyone can see it
3) And Fuji you are here… These minor problems she could maybe handle, but the big ones…
4) I have 5 total strangers in my mom's house
5) One lady, who look like a cheap stripper. *I usually don't have that kind of friends…*"
Ayame: "Hey!"
Riki: " No offence.
6) Then here is one LITTLE girl…"
Kiku: " I'm already 15!"
Riki: "Don't interrupt me little one. Where was I… Oh Little girl, who looks lost or/and kidnapped."

Onikage: "How nice! Girls are fighting me already… ( Smiles happily and performs a little Onikage is a hottie dance.)
Riki turning to Onikage: "I don't even like you!"
Fuji: "Yeah right! And I hate coffee!"
Riki: "Anyway!
7) Here is funnily dressed, silver haired young MAN, whit huge scar. *I'm her only daughter*"
Rikimaru: "…"
Riki:
" 8) A man whit gayish shirt… *Still a guy in my mothers house*

Tatsumaru to Onikage: "I s she talking about me?"
Onikage: "Do you see a shirt on me?"
Riki: "My point exactly!
You (points at Onikage) are one big, good looking, walking, talking, male-tattoo, flowing for danger and with out clothes… You are my mother's worst nightmare!"

Ayame: "Good looking, walking, talking, male-tattoo?"
Kiku: "What are you meaning?"
Ayame: "You are too young for that."
Onikage: "I really don't know is she that young…"
Riki to Onikage: "I really don't like you!"
Everyone: "Yeah right!"

Fuji: "Don't you think that this situation needs coffee?"
Riki: "Is that all you can think about!?"
Fuji: "No, (Points at Rikimaru and Tatsumaru) I also think that these two yummies looks too good to be true."
Riki (shocked): "We need to get out of here."
Fuji: "You didn't like my honest answer?"
Tatsumaru: "…Which one of us looks better?"
Rikimaru: "Tatsumaru?"
Fuji:" Well, I love Rikimaru's silvery hair and everything else, but he is already taken, so I answer that you are."

Tatsumaru: "He is with whom?"
Fuji: "You haven't seen it yet, you must be blind, it is so obvious."
Rikimaru: "If you don't shut your mouth, you little non-combatant, I will lose some points…"
Fuji: "Name is Fuji."
Onikage says laughing: "You couldn't even get your sword from her, how were you planning to kill her…?"
Rikimaru starts to walk towards laughing Onikage, but Riki gets between them.

Riki: "People, people! You really didn't get it!...MY MOM is coming home! You need to get out of here."
Fuji: "In those clothes?"

Riki looks them and says: I see your point…"
Tenchu character: "What?!"
Riki: Your clothes are not from this century."
Kiku: "Yes, we know you look freakish."
Riki: "Why you little…!"
Fuji: "We could lend them some clothes…(I really want dress Tatsumaru)"
Riki: "Sure, Ayame is about my size and I still have my OLD clothes for Kiku (She is SO young.) but what about guys?"
Onikage: " I won't putt any dress on me ( at least nothing pink, as it make me look so pale)."
Fuji: "You don't have to. She has a big brother and she has some of his old clothes in here. At least Rikimaru is about his size, isn't he?" (Metering Rikimaru's shoulders, trying to get Izayoi.)
Onikage to Riki: "Is she trying to get his sword?"
Riki: "Yeah, this is her 20th try in last ten minutes."
Onikage: "Why doesn't she just take it from him like before?"
Riki: "She doesn't want him to notice that it is missing, because then he would tell it to me and I would have to make her to give it back to him."
Onikage: "Oh."

Meanwhile Fuji have given up her task to get Izayoi from Rikimaru. She went to Riki's room with Kiku trying to find her something proper to wear.

Rikimaru to Ayame: "That short non-combatant has some issues…she is always hugging me or groping my back or something…"
Ayame: "Hate to bring this to you, but she is only after Izayoi."
Rikimaru: "Really?...I already thought…"

Riki goes to her brothers wardrobe and tries to find something decent to Onikage.

Riki: "Okay let's see, what do we have here. Oh, this is PERFECT!"

Riki draws out a "HOT" looking leather jacket.
Onikage: "That looks nice. What is it? Can I have it?"

Riki gives him the jacket and says: "Now we need to find you matching leather pants…"