Discalimer: none of us own J.K. Rowlins chars and never will unless we come into a large sum of money and then from her. Haha like that would happen, ok on with the stupidity.

This story was written in a Chronic Literation section on a board- Siri's Angel, and CosmicAngel both helped with it.

Be warned, there are alot of Same-Sex pairings, theres Implications, nudity, and tons of snogging.

This is like A/U because eveyone knows this would never happen. it's intended to be funny, if you have a problem with it then don't read it. It's rahter stupid to flame when you read the warnings then decide to bitch anyway.

Oh yeah, Mild swearing. Ok, a few mentions of the F word..lol..


Draco looked up into the deep dark eyes of the one he loved. He slid his arms along his lovers back and pressed his lips against his. Suddenly the doors of Snape's office flew open and Pansy Parkinson rushed in.

Her eyes buldged and she scream then dropped her handbag.

"Draco, nooo" She covered her eyes.

Draco separated from his potions master. Snape blushed and looked at the ground.

Pansy squealed and ran out the door, swinging it closed behind her. She slid down, leaning againt the wall, and cupped her face in her hands. Not only did she interupt something, but she interupted something that was going on with her potions master. And DRACO! Oh god! She shook her head, gasping. When she finally lifted her head and opened her eyes, she gaped at the horrifying sight in front of her.

Ronald Weasley had Vincent Crabbe pressed up against the wall- and they were snogging.

Pansy turned her head so not to see the boys but another horrific site met her eyes. Harry Potter and Gregory Goyle were going at it too.

She jumped up and ran back into Snape's office. Snape and Draco were at it again. She ran into the cupboard and slammed the door behind her.

"Pansy?" draco said knocking on the door.

"Draco leave me alone, I'm never coming out of here ever" She said crossing her arms even though no one could see her.

"Then you'll b expelled for skipping classes," Severus's voice drawled.

Pansy sighed, "Well-Well cover yourselves over with a blanket. So I don't ahve to see you when i leave."

Draoc and Snape obliged, Pnasy made her way out of the closet, and turned and ran donw the hall, making sure not to look in the Directions of Ron and Crabbe.

When she was almost too the Common room, she had the very unpleasent surprised of Seeing Oliver Wood and Marcus Flint going at it.

Pansy turned and decided she needed a walk to get these things out of her head. She reached the entrance hall and came across a thin looking girl, with long slightly bushy brown hair, and deep brown eyes.

She tried to avoid the girl but she came up to her.

"Hey Pansy, your looking great tonight" Hermione granger said.

Pansy stepped back.

"Um Hermione, I have to go" she went to run off in the other direction but Hermione grabbed her arm.

Hermione started to move in, to kiss her, so Pansy screeched and yanked her arm away, pointing her wand at Hermione and saying "STUPEFY!"

She turn turned and ran to the great hall- Only to find Dumbledore and Professor Flitwick snogging at the head table.

HSe couldn't take it anymore. It was 12 PM! - "WHAT THE HELL?!" She yelled, causing Flitwick and Dumbledore to stop kissing and look at her, "IS THIS MATING SEASON OR SOMETHING?!"

She turned to the door but Draco and snape were at it again.

"AHHH! WHAT ARE YOU STALKING ME?!" Pansy shreked. 'Oh my god, I Cant handle all this.

Pansy tried to pass Draco and Snape with her eyes shut. Outside, Hermione was waiting for her again, blocking what appeared to be Madam Sprout and Madam Pomfrey from view.

"Come on, Pansy," smiled Hermione coyly, her arm snaking around Pany's waist and giving a light squeeze. "Join in the fun."

Pansy ran from the room. She reached SCR. And saw a couple of cats *mating*.

"ewwww..." She quickly ran up to her dorms, but she found wasen't very pleasing.

A now somehow un-stunned Hermione Granger lay almost naked on her bed.

Pansy flattened herself against the door.

"What do you want?"

"You" Hermione was about to get up.

"Dont get up" Pansy raised her arms.

"Wel then you come over here" Hermione said.

"For Merlin's sake! I'm straight, Hermione, so don't come near my- I'm not interested! I'd rather watch the two cats fucking down there!" Pansy said, readying her wand.

"Well ok" Hermione got up a little hurt and walked out of the room bringing a dressinggown around her half naked body.

pansy slammed the door behind her and sat on her bed. She immediately jumped up at the thought of mudblood Hermione's almost naked body lying on it. She ripped the covers off and sat on the bare matress. and Sighed.

Draco and Snape, Dumbledore and Flitwick, Harry anf Goyle, Weasley and crabbe, wood and Flint, what was going on.

"Is this mating season?" Pansy yelled aloud.

A loud moan answered her. It was coing from teh bed near hers, she didn't want to look, but she couldn't stop herself.

Apprently Hermione didn't leave. Now her and some Slytherin girl were going at it...

"I CAN'T EVEN GET PEACE IN MY OWN DORM! MERLIN!" She jumped off her bed, opened her dresser drawer, grabbed some parchment and a quill and wrote, "Wash my blankets and sheets, and pillows." then dropped it on her bed for the House Elves before rushing out of the Dorm- going pass the still screwing cats, and into teh hall. She ran straight up to the Astoromany twoer- surly it would be safe there.

but it wasent. She found Treleway and McGonagal going at it.

Pansy screamed and ran out fo the castle. She headed for the hogwarts gates.

"Pansy where are you going?" Draco called from behind her.



"Why do you think Draco?" Pansy stopped walking to face him.

Draco sighed. "Pansy, you cant leave."

"Watch me." Pansy turned and began walking. Draco grabbed her arm and kissed her deeply.

"Please dont leave."

Pansy really enjoyed the kiss (becaue she desperatly loved Draco). Though, she was mad because Draco heated on her- ith Severus Snape.

"Draco! How could you kiss me with that- That mouth thats been kissing Snapes? That's disgusting!" Pansy squeaked, and started backing away.

"I brushed my teeth. Please, Pansy, I'm sorry, Snape but some lust potion on me and I couldn't control myself."

"I dont know if i can believe you anymore Draco" she turned away.

"pansy you have to believe me, i cant live without you" She snapped back to him.

"Well your going to have to learn" she began walking off again.

Pansy squealed when she saw Hagrid and Voldemort snogging in front of her, and she turned and ran back to Draco. "SAVE ME!! ahhhh!" She started to cry.

Draco rapped his arms around her and they shared a short hug before running back inside the castle, where they were surrounded by continuous snogging couples.

"Well if you cant beat em, join em" Draco said and he began snogging Pansy.


So, tell us what you think?