In Repair.

Rated: PG-13 for limeyness. Other than that, nothing too explicit. Sorry, lemon fans. Maybe I'll write an R fic later. ^_~

After the book. Since so many people seemed to like my "Undertow" fic, and the Steve/Pony pairing, I thought I should make a longer one. The main idea of this fic spawned from a review given to me by crazy4nc128; I can't say it in the authour's notes. It'll kill the point of reading the damn fic.

I love you?


"Why did you do this to me?

You left me alone. Heartbroken. You were so close to me; so much like me. I couldn't admit it to you; not when you were alive, in that damn church, or even on your deathbed. I couldn't even kiss you goodbye. I was in love with you. I know that now. You hurt me, and I couldn't cry or talk about it; I couldn't hurt myself, couldn't do nothin. I could barely say goodbye...

I guess, now that's it been at least three months, it's not as painful. The emotional wounds healed, but the scar still remains. I was too late to tell you, so now I guess I can just tell it to myself. That's all I can do. Because even Sodapop, the one person that I could love as much as you, would look down at me like scum. It's not right to love a person of the same gender. But I did, and still do."

Ponyboy sighed, and dropped the pencil. He knew that he might as well throw this out now, as if anyone found it, he'd be in big trouble. He didn't like having to write these letters to a dead boy; the only reason he did it was to lessen the stress of keeping his unrequited affections a secret. He couldn't tell Johnny, or Sodapop, or anyone. He had to keep it inside now. And pray that it would eventually leave him, opening his heart for someone else.

Running his right hand through his red hair, he scrunched up the paper into a small ball and threw it in the nearby wastebasket. He couldn't do this anymore; so tonight would be his last time worrying about it. He'd continue to move on, and forget he ever loved the tanned faced, puppy-like boy he'd been so close to. Yawning, Pony rubbed his eyes tiredly and stood up from his chair. He guessed even Darry had probably went to bed by now, as he tried to do these writings late at night, where no one would see him.

He flicked off the light switch in the kitchen and wandered in the thick darkness inside the house, using only his memorization of all locations in the house. He did stumble over a cord or some strange object he couldn't identify, but not loud enough to wake anyone up. Opening the door to his and Soda's bedroom, he entered and closed the door slowly behind him.

The outline of Soda could be seen in the darkness. He was sprawled on his back, arms over his head, the bedsheet lying in small patches over his legs. Pony grinned; his brother must be having a dream that required alot of movement. By the way Soda was mumbling, he could tell he was right. Undoing the zipper of his jeans, he shed the clothing and lay down next to Soda, head resting on his older brother's chest. Slowly and faintly, he could hear the gentle 'thump thump' of Soda's heart beating.

"G'night, Soda." Pony said quietly, and closed his eyes. The sound of Soda's heartbeats faded as he fell into waves of sleep.



Pony opened his green eyes suddenly at the sound. A series of screeches, crashes, and laughter rang through the house, and he groaned. His body was still tired; it was a weekend, he didn't need to be woken up by one of the gang's stupidity. Rolling over and burying his head into the pillow, he tried to go back to sleep. Soda's absence told him one thing; he was most likely going to have to do the dishes.

"HIYA!" Another cry, followed by more laughter. Pony let out a frustrated grunt and pushed himself off the bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He'd go and yell at whoever was making the noise to quit it, or go somewhere else. He needed sleep, and no loud, annoying greaser was going to take that from him. Looking into the kitchen, he saw Soda reaching into a drawer, pulling out five silver forks.

"Glory, can't you guys let me sleep?!" Pony hissed in a irritated fashion; lack of sleep was showing, and he was grumpy. His older brother turned his golden head towards the redhead, and gave him a blank expression.

"Oh, sorry Pone. Didn't know you were that tired, with all that mumblin' and movin' around you did last night." Sodapop walked past his younger brother and opened a cabinet, extracting five plates from it. Pony looked at Soda, and felt bad he was so grumpy towards him. It was his own fault he stayed up so late.

"Sorry Soda...just couldn't sleep good." He turned his head sharply at the sound of Steve laughing, the seventeen-year-old's high laughter would give him a headache. As if Steve didn't ALREADY give Pony headaches.

Soda tapped Pony on the shoulder and handed him a plate with a single fried egg and a large chunk of chocolate cake on it, along with a fork. With a nod, Pony took the offering from Soda and moved into the living room to see which two idiots were making the noise. Not like he'd do anything about it; he'd just watch them until Darry got angry and told them to go outside and throw rocks at cars or something.

He was greeted by the sight of Two-Bit fighting his way out of Steve's headlock. He watched Two-Bit trying to bite into Steve's arm, whimpering. Pony laughed; and Two-Bit growled loudly and hit Steve hard. The seventeen year old just grinned widely, and strangled the joker even more.

"I can't breathe!" Two-Bit started fake coughing, and Steve furrowed his eyebrows and loosened his grip. With a sly grin, Two-Bit broke free of his grasp and tackled him into the table, knocking them both onto the floor where they continued to wrestle. Pony shrugged and sat down on the floor, legs crossed, and ate his breakfast while watching the two older greasers struggle with each other.

A sudden crash greeted his ears and he looked up from his cake. Steve's leg had caught onto a cord as he was rolling across the floor, and as he moved, pulled the lamp along with him. The crash had been the lamp falling onto the ground; Pony stood up to see the mess, and the two older greasers had stopped fighting to look at the broken fragments. Two-Bit gulped and tried to sneak away, but Steve caught him around the waist and held him in place.

"Naw ya don't, sneaky bastard!" Steve snickered as Two-Bit growled more, pulling Steve's arms off him.

"But I don't wanna have to clean! I'm LAZY!" Two-Bit squirmed and tried to pry off Steve, but the seventeen year old rolled over and flattened Two-Bit onto the floor. "And besides, YOU knocked it over!"

"And it was YOU who started attackin' me with those bad kung-fu moves of yours!" Steve hissed, struggling to keep Two-Bit from escaping.

"And it was YOU who drank all my beer!" Two-Bit elbowed Steve in the ribs hard, but the swirly-haired boy wouldn't even flinch.

Pony watched as the two elder greasers bickered over who did what, and he sighed; going into the kitchen, he grabbed the broom and dustpan to clean up their mess. It would never get done if he left it to them. Soda grinned at Pony as he watched him go.

Pony, re-entering the living room, and quietly going about his cleaning business, swept up the broken shards and bits of the lamp, and gathered the larger chunks to dump in the garbage can. Two-Bit and Steve were still in the heat of battle; now they were snarling at each other like two wolves over a piece of meat. Pony was carrying his second handful of the mess into the kitchen, when Darry walked into the living room, leaning against the doorframe with a cold, blank expression on his face.

"I should skin you both for bein' so damned annoyin'." Darry's voice made both of them stop their bickering and look at him. They knew it was best to just go get some breakfast now. Darry was foreboding as it was; a grumpy Darry was even worse. Pony just grinned and dropped the last bit of the lamp into the trash. Sometimes it was good to have a big, tough older brother.


Steve growled inside. Why did Ponyboy come tagging along with him and Sodapop yet again? Doesn't he have his own friends to cling onto and annoy? Sure, the kid wasn't saying anything, but his mere presence made the overly-greasy haired boy uneasy. He just wanted to be with Soda. Not the kid; that kid's the reason Steve hated being in their house anymore. Being around Pony didn't seem to just bother Steven Randle anymore; it made him feel like he did around Evie almost. He just shrugged it off as frustration. But there was something about him...

"So Pony, what's for dinner?" Soda piped up in a cheery tone, his usual grin across his handsome face. Pony was smiling up at his brother.

"Me and Darry made dinner last night. It's your turn now." Pony said in a cheeky tone, and Soda frowned.

"Can't ya just be nice and make it for me an extra night?" He looked down at his younger brother and gave him the best puppy-dog eyes he could muster.

Pony's breathe caught in his throat. Puppy dog much like...Johnny...

"Hey kid?" Pony was brought back to reality by the snap of fingers. He turned his head to look at Steve; the expression on his face looked indifferent, but Soda looked worried. Pony swallowed hard and tried to clear his thoughts. Steve was also trying to clear his thoughts; those thoughts being of how cute Pony looked when he was blushing.

"You feelin' okay?" Soda ruffled his younger brother's hair, and Pony nodded quickly. Yes, he was okay. He was okay that Johnny was gone, that he couldn't stop thinking about him. He was fine, he was fine...

Steve sighed and grabbed Soda's shoulder, making the blonde turn his head. "I gotta go, Evie's gonna get mad if I'm late. See ya." And without waiting for Soda to say goodbye, he turned and walked off. Soda just shrugged.

But Pony noticed something Soda didn't. There was a glint in Steve's eye as he said that; something he'd never seen before. And Pony knew he'd been looking at him.


Steve unlocked the door to his house, to be greeted by silence. Nobody was home, and he thanked the existence of bars for his peace and quiet. Slamming the door to make sure it was closed, he went straight to take a shower. Some good hot water might clear his head.

He stood in front of the mirror, looking at himself. Dark brown hair, heavily greased and swirled, with a few strands sticking out at the front. Angry, smoldering brown eyes. Muscular shoulders and chest. He looked anything but someone who'd like the fourteen year old brother of his best friend; a fourteen year old with warm green-grey eyes, reddish brown hair, and a cuter blush than any girl he'd even seen...

Steve hissed between his teeth, and fought down the urge to smash the glass before him. He couldn't like Pony; he hated him, the little annoying tagalong that couldn't stop clinging to Soda, for fear he'd die. A gruesome grin crossed Steve's face as he thought up a mental image of Pony, all alone and crying. Right after the thought passed, a feeling of sadness and guilt ran through him, and he growled in frustration. Throwing off his muscle shirt, he turned on the tap for the shower.

There was no way. He hated Pony, and that was that.


Excuse the lateness on the fic. I did this over a few days; but lack of sleep and a cold does make you lazy. So, tell me whatcha think! And yes, this will be multi-chaptered! Whoo!