Private Emotions.

* By Miss P.

*

Summary: Miss Parker is watching Jarod. Will she manage to keep her emotions at bay?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the pretender characters in this story. And I'm not getting paid for writing it.

*

Miss Parker was walking through the park. It was late and she just wanted to get home. This was not what she had planned. Not by a long shot. Damn him, damn Jarod! How the hell could she have been stupid enough to do as he said. Going to this damn park was a big mistake. Of course he wouldn't be there. She was tired and her head hurt. She ignored the pain and increased the pace. The wind kept blowing her hair in her face. She brushed it away. But it didn't help. With a sigh she swept her black leather coat tighter around her slim body. It was freezing. She kept walking. About five minutes later she spotted someone all to familiar. She stopped and stared at the man standing by a small lake just only ten feet away from her. She didn't say anything, just stared at him. She barely saw the profile of him. But she knew it was Jarod. She would recognise him a thousand feet away. And this time, he was closer than he'd been in a long time. Her first thought was calling the Centre and make sure this time they'll capture him. But somehow, she didn't. Suddenly a sound of music broke the silence. She looked around to decide where it came from. That's when she saw a scene. A singer walked up and people screamed and applauded. Miss Parker was confused. Why hadn't she noticed this earlier. So many people and she hadn't seen it? What the hell was wrong with her. Miss Parker shook her head in disbelief. She was supposed to notice things like that. That was her job. Miss Parker saw Jarod turn around to watch the man at the scene She sighed. She really should leave. She didn't have time for this. She gave Jarod one last look, her eyes filled with desire and longing. She just stood there for a while. Admiring him. When she realized what she was doing she quickly turned around and started to walk.

The man started to talk. His words made Miss Parker stop dead in her tracks and turn around. She stared at the scene, shocked.

The first song I'm going to play is requested by a man who is with us here tonight. So, Miss Parker. If you hear this. Listen carefully. This is for you. And remember. This man loves you. He really does!

The man started to sing.

Every endless night, has a dawning day.

Every darkest sky, has a shining ray.

And it shines on you, baby cant you see.

You're the only one. Who can shine for me.

It's a private emotion that fills you tonight.

And the silence falls between us.

As the shadows steal the light.

And wherever you may find it, wherever it may lead.

Let your private emotion come to me.

Come to me.

Miss Parker didn't know what to do. She just stood there. Staring into space. This is why Jarod had wanted her to be here. She watched him. He just stood there as well. Didn't even move. Not even shift his weight to the other leg. He really loved her. She knew he always had, and the truth is, the feeling was mutual. But there was no way she would admit that. Not even to herself. Love is a weakness. And she was definitely not weak. At least that's what she'd tried to convince herself all those years. And of course. Everything she'd been through had given her strength. Strength enough to survive. That was what it all came down to in the end - survival. Once she'd let her guard down. Given up her ice façade. Once she had given in for love. For Thomas. And see how that turned out. How he turned out. Dead with a bullet between his eyes. He would still be alive if it wasn't for her. Maybe he would have a family. A wife and kids. Miss Parker almost started to cry as she thought of it. That was what she'd wanted. Someone to spend the rest of her life with. After her mother had died. She'd felt more lonely then ever. She'd felt like life wasn't worth living. It wasn't until she'd met Tommy she finally had started to feel like a human again. She'd felt so alive. And the feeling of being loved was finally reminding her of how wonderful life could be. But it all had ended. Just because she was stupid nought to try to leave the Centre. She knew the same thing would happen with Jarod if she confessed her feelings for him. If anyone found out, he would be as good as dead. Or, they would look him into a cell and never let her see him again. Miss Parker sighed unhappily. She couldn't bear loosing him like that. She would die if the story repeated itself. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she watched Jarod. He was so beautiful. She wanted him so badly. She would do anything to be able to feel his loving arms around her. To hear him say the three words she hasn't heard in a long, long time. She would do anything just to be close to him. But as much as she wanted that, it could never happen. It was impossible. She had to be strong. She had to stand the loneliness that was slowly eating her up from inside. Slowly killing her.

When your soul is tired and your heart is weak.

Do you think of love as a one way street?

Well, it runs both ways,

Open up your eyes.

Can't you see me here?

How can you deny?

It's a private emotion that fills you tonight.

And the silence falls between us.

As the shadows steal the light.

And wherever you may find it, wherever it may lead.

Let your private emotion come to me.

Come to me.

Miss Parker hadn't taken her eyes off Jarod. Not a single minute. She wondered if he knew she was there. She wanted to run up to him and tell him she was. That she did love him. But she managed to keep her emotions under control. She could not tell him. Not now, not ever. She took her eyes off him for a while to scan the crowd in front of her. Wherever she looked, she saw people standing close with their arms around each other. People who were kissing, hugging. Or just seemed to enjoy their company. Miss Parker shook her head. She couldn't stand it. All those happy people made her sick. How was it possible that everybody seemed to have someone? She shivered with cold. It had started to get dark and the air was really chilly by now. She didn't even care to button her coat, which was streaming behind her in the wind. She didn't care about anything anymore. Not until now she realized how lonely she was. She looked at Jarod again. Suddenly he turned hís head. Their eyes met. They just stood there for a while, staring at each other. Jarod slowly walked up to her. Miss Parker didn't do anything. She was just standing there. Watching him

"Miss Parker, you cold?" Jarod said as he stopped in front of her. He eyed Miss Parker's trembling body.

Miss Parker didn't know what to say. For the first time she was completely out of words.

Jarod didn't wait for her to talk. He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close to his warm body. He gently ran one of his hands across Miss Parker's back.

"Jarod." Miss Parker started.

"Shhhh. It's okay. " Jarod said.

"No.I can't do this." Miss Parker said. Trying to wriggle out of Jarod's embrace. But he refused to let go.

"Let go of me! Jarod. Please. JUST GO!!" Miss Parker said, struggling to hold back the tears.

"No Parker. I love you. Please, don't give up on us.." Jarod said. " I will always care about you. As long as we both live. I will always be there for you." He said softly. Stroking Miss Parker's dark hair out of her face.

Miss Parker couldn't control her emotions any longer. Tears started to fall. They were streaming down her cheeks. She wrapped her trembling arms around Jarods neck and pressed her body close to his.

"God, I love you too. I love you so much." She cried. She wanted this moment to last forever. She felt so safe and warm in his arms. She buried her face against his shoulder and wept silently. Jarod ran his hand up and down her back to get her warm. The other hand held her tight.

Every endless night, has a dawning day.

Every darkest sky, has a shining ray.

It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by.

But you can find me here.

Till your tears run dry.

It's a private emotion that fills you tonight.

And the silence falls between us.

As the shadows steal the light.

And wherever you may find it, wherever it may lead.

Let your private emotion come to me.

Come to me.

The song faded away and the people applauded. Miss Parker didn't hear it. All she could think of was Jarod. She felt him pull away. First she didn't want to let go. Jarod took a half step backwards so he could look into her eyes. Miss Parker looked up and met his look. Her eyes still covered with tears. Jarod softly wiped them away with his thumb.

"I love you.." He said tenderly. He slowly leaned in to kiss Miss Parker. First she didn't respond. Jarod placed another kiss on her mouth. Their lips only just brushed against each others. Miss Parker moaned quietly. The kiss became more passionate and in a little while they were totally wrapped up in each other. Jarod placed his arms around Miss Parker's waist. She wrapped hers around his neck.

Suddenly Miss Parker pushed Jarod away. She looked at him sadly as he gave her a confused and hurt look.

"I'm sorry.." Miss Parker managed to say before tears filled her eyes and she started to cry.

"Miss Parker." Jarod started.

"I can't.." Miss Parker said in tears. She looked down at the ground, she was sobbing loudly.

"It's okay.Miss Parker, listen to me. We can.." Jarod started but got interrupted.

"No. that's the problem. We can never have a life together. They wont let us."

"But, we can go somewhere" Jarod tried.

Unable to speak, Miss Parker just shook her head.

"But I love you. We can work this out.I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. And I know you want it to. Please, give us a chance." Jarod pleaded.

Miss Parker still didn't say anything. She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Jarod put his arms around her in a attempt of comforting her.

"I'm sorry Jarod." Miss Parker cried. She wriggled out of his embrace and ran into the dark. If she didn't get away from there now, it would be too late. She heard Jarod calling her name. Begging her to come back. She cried even more as she heard the pain and the sorrow in his voice. But this was what she had to do. Even if it was the hardest thing she'd ever done. It was the only way out. The way it was supposed to be. Her destiny. She kept running. Slowly the music and the laughter faded away. All that was left was emptiness and sorrow. It was cold and lonely, and the darkness surrounded her. But she was used to it. It had been her life every since she started to work at the Centre. Except a few days of happiness. A few days that she wished could have last forever.

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THE END