"Mistaken Identity"

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC, Briscoe and Green belong to Dick Wolf and NBC television.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was inspired by Drox's drabble Oh My Burning Hearts on the A Teaspoon and an Open Mind website.


Detectives Lennie Briscoe and Ed Green were enjoying lunch at the corner hot dog stand.
"Hey Lennie, check it out," Green said, grinning and pointing at the police box sitting on the corner across the street.
"Let's go say hi," Briscoe replied, tossing his napkin in the trash and finishing off his Coke. They crossed the street and Briscoe pounded on the police box's door. "Vice squad! Open up!" he said jokingly. The door opened and a tall gangly man with a mop of untidy curls stuck his head out.
"Yes?" he asked pleasantly.
"Who're you?" Green asked.
"Who're you?" the man replied, his huge blue eyes nearly popping out of his head. He stepped out of the police box and pulled the door shut behind him.
"What's with the scarf?" Briscoe asked, pointing. The man shrugged.
"It's awfully handy for tripping people," he replied with enormous sincerity. "Myself, usually."
"All right, where's the Doctor?" Green asked. The man blinked.
"I'm the Doctor!" The two detectives exchanged a look.
"Yeah, and I'm Mayor Bloomberg," Briscoe replied. The man claiming to be the Doctor brightened.
"Very pleased to meet you, Your Honor," he said, digging in his pocket and pulling out a sack. "Care for a jellybaby?"
"Look, we know that's his TARDIS," Green said reasonably.
"It's my TARDIS!" the stranger protested. Green didn't need to look at his partner to know that they were both thinking the same thing: the Doctor had lots of enemies, even some among his own people. And sure enough -
"If that's your TARDIS, you wouldn't mind if we take a look inside, would you?" Briscoe asked. He pulled out his badge and flipped it open. The man's enormous eyes widened even further.
"New York Police Department," he read.
"Me too," Green added, showing his badge.
"We can do this the easy way, or we can come back with a warrant," Briscoe told the stranger.
"A warrant?" the stranger asked, sounding confused.
"I think Lennie was thinking of a search warrant, but an arrest warrant works for me too," Green told him.
"Arrest warrant?" The detectives were certain that the man's eyes were going to pop right out of his head and roll around on the sidewalk at their feet. "For what?"
"We can start with kidnapping," Briscoe told him.
"Kidnapping?" the man boggled. "Who am I supposed to have kidnapped?"
"The Doctor!" Green said impatiently.
"But I'm the Doctor!"
"Funny, you don't look like him," Briscoe said. "You're about a foot too tall and a few years too old"
"Among other things," Green added. The man suddenly looked thoughtful.
"Are you thinking of a little guy about so tall – " he held his hand up to indicate a shorter man " – with short black hair, checked trousers, and a recorder?"
"No!" Green said impatiently. The stranger thought for a moment.
"Well, you can't be thinking of my first body, because that one looked older than this one, and so did my third – "
"All right, I've had enough of this," Briscoe said with finality. "Are you going to let us take a look around in there, or are we going to have to come back with a warrant?"
"Actually, we'd have to take him down to the station to wait while we get the warrant," Green said. "Otherwise, he might be gone when we get back with it!"
"Good thinking," Briscoe said, grasping one of the stranger's arms.
"All right, all right!" the stranger relented, pulling a key from his pocket and unlocking the police box's door. He ushered them into the console room, where they stared around in shock. "Dimensional transcendentalism," he said rather smugly. "That means it's bigger on the inside than – "
"What happened to all that H.G. Wells-lookin' stuff?" Green asked. "It used to look like a Jules Vern novel in here!"
"It did?" the stranger asked, puzzled.
"Ed, maybe this isn't the Doctor's TARDIS," Briscoe said quietly.
"It is my TARDIS!" the stranger insisted.
"But you're not the Doctor," Green told him.
"I am the Doctor!"
"Who's on first?" Briscoe deadpanned.
"I don't know, who?" the stranger asked curiously. The other door opened, and a dark-haired, dark-eyed young woman emerged from the interior of the TARDIS.
"Oh hello," she said, surprised. She glanced at the stranger. "I didn't know we had visitors."
"I'm Detective Lennie Briscoe, and this is my partner Ed Green." Both detectives showed her their badges.
"Oh!" she said, even more surprised. "I'm Sarah Jane Smith. Is there a problem, Detective?"
"We're looking for the Doctor," Green told her. She laughed.
"Some detectives you two are! He's standing right there!" she said, pointing at the stranger.
"I've been trying to tell them – "
"What model TARDIS is this?" Green asked suddenly.
"Um, a Type 40," the stranger replied, caught off guard.
"And how many Time Lords do we know who travel around in a Type 40 with a busted chameleon circuit?" Briscoe asked his partner rhetorically.
"They must know you!" Sarah Jane told the stranger, who was nodding thoughtfully.
"The guy we knew looked nothing like this guy," Green insisted. "He had wavy brown hair and wore a green velvet coat."
"Velvet coat," she muttered. "Oh, you must've met the one before him!" she said in a That explains it! sort of voice.
"The one before him?" Briscoe asked, confused.
"No, that body had white hair," the stranger reminded her.
"Oh, that's right," she agreed.
"This guy must be the Doctor!" Briscoe suddenly said.
"Why?" Green asked with a frown.
"Because this is the weirdest conversation I've been involved in since the last time we saw him!"
"Tell me more about this other Doctor you know," the stranger said suddenly. Green shrugged.
"He had an ex-girlfriend he was always arguing with – "
"An ex-girlfriend? I know it can't be the same Doctor!" Sarah Jane exclaimed.
"Don't be so sure," the stranger told her, sounding chagrinned.
"He helped us solve a murder involving – "
"No, don't tell me!" the stranger suddenly exclaimed, cutting Briscoe off. "If I'm right, you've got to leave right now!"
"What?" Green asked.
"You met a future me!"
"A future you?" Briscoe asked, sounding skeptical.
"Yes! A different incarnation! A subsequent regeneration! A future me!" The stranger grabbed their arms and dragged them out of the TARDIS and up the sidewalk, talking all the while. "Don't tell me any more! I can't know my own future – it's too dangerous!" He released them and dashed back towards the police box.
"Wait a minute," Green said suspiciously. "Do you believe that stuff, Lennie?" Briscoe looked thoughtful.
"Wellllll….." He took a deep breath. "Hey, Thete!" he yelled. The stranger stopped in his tracks. He turned, staring at Briscoe in open-mouthed astonishment. The detective grinned. "Yeah, I believe him. C'mon, let's go get some coffee."


FINIS.