Never Eat Ramen by a DSL (Direct System Link)

Warning: The authoress was under the influence of hunger, inedible cookies, and some boredom. You will be reading this at your own risk. Thank you.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, InuYasha or ramen…well, I own ramen I just don't own ramen. All I own is this bad storyline and my name.  And if you sue, all you'll get is a vase full of pennies.

Chapter one: The part where I learn my first lesson

            I was sitting at my computer one day pondering the meaning of life and thinking about what would happen if I put Sesshomaru in pink bows and gave him a tutu in my next story when the timer for my microwave went off.

            "Finally," I exclaimed to myself, "my ramen's done!" I leaped from my spot at the computer and scooted the scant twelve feet (AN: Yes, I measured it) to my microwave and popped it open. "Oh sweet bliss that is ramen." I sighed, and then pulled out a fork to eat some. "Ow, ow ow! Stupid ramen, why do you have to be so hot?" (AN: I think I sound too much like Homer Simpson in this one) After that, I fanned my tongue as if that would really help. "Oh, never mind, I'll just sit it down on the computer desk and wait for the stuff to cool off."

             Walking back to my computer, I set the cup of ramen down then sat down myself. Staring at the computer screen again I commenced to wondering what Miroku would look like in a Sailor Senshi fuku. (AN: Think SailorChibiMoon's fuku on Miroku…or maybe SailorJupiter's, hey it has potential) Pondering this, I completely forgot about my DSL modem and the fact that it was always on. Not that I usually think about it anyway, I mean, why would I think that InuYasha would try to steal ramen from a computer. That only happens in fan fictions, right? Oh wait, this is a fan fiction! Uh oh!

So anyway, I started typing away with the idea of Sesshomaru in a pink tutu with pink bows in his hair and Miroku as SailorChibiMoon. They had just defeated Queen Beryl when I noticed a familiar clawed hand reaching through the screen for my bowl of ramen.

"Mmm, delicious ramen goodness." A male voice sighed, " I finally have found you after wandering the web."

The lights finally came on in my head. "Oh hell no InuYasha, you aren't getting that ramen! I worked too hard to get it cool enough to eat." Then I slapped him on the hand.

"Ow! Bitch! That hurt!" And InuYasha withdrew his hand a bit into the screen to hold it against himself.

"Wait, you just called me a BITCH?! And you still want my ramen? I think Kagome sat you one too many times."

"Feh," Was the answer that the computer/InuYasha gave me. "Well, you hit me, what did you expect."

"Well, I guess I expected you to retreat back into cyber-space. What are you doing in the computer anyway?" My curiosity was finally getting the better of me. It was even over-coming my hunger and need for ramen, but InuYasha didn't need to know that was the case. Oh no, he just needed to think that I wasn't interested in why and that I still wanted my ramen.

"Well…feh, I'm not telling you anything."

I looked up at him slyly. "Not even for your own bowl of yummy in the tummy ramen?" I knew I sounded like I was talking to a toddler instead of some inu hanyou who looked to be a few years younger than me, but was definitely hundreds of years older than me. Of course, I also didn't really give a damn. Besides, I could tell from the look in his eyes, I had gotten InuYasha's attention.

"Feh, I can get my own ramen from Kagome anytime I want to."

"Yeah, but how can you be sure she won't have spiked it or anything? I mean, I saw the last episodes they've aired here in the Americas and I don't think Kagome's still very happy with you."

"What do you mean wench?"

"Grr, you are so juvenile! Calling me names like that, the only person who does that is my twelve-year-old cousin."

InuYasha looks a bit ashamed. "So then, what is your name? And why do you think my Kagome would do something to my ramen?"

"Well, I'm not giving out my real name for the sake of secrecy, but I'm known as Chibi Horsewoman in most domains…well, except for on MSN, but that's another story. As for Kagome doing something well, I think you made her angry for running off with Kikyo. Gods, don't you realize that she's trying to kill you? I mean, she has pulled a knife on you, and she wants you to go to HELL! That's not exactly the best grounds for a relationship InuYasha."

"But, Kogome told me she doesn't care." InuYasha whined suddenly. "Why would she say that if she cared and now would do something to my ramen?"

"Gods, you men are all clueless! Even the ones who are half dog demon! She said that so you wouldn't feel bad. Also because she's not quite sure about your relationship and feelings towards her." I finished by repeatedly smashing my head into the computer desk I felt  like I was hosting a talk show about dense guys and the reincarnations that love them.

"Oh, so I should tell her how I feel Chibi?" InuYasha asked incredulously.

'Gods, he is a dense moronic hanyou!' I thought exasperated. 'I'm actually beginning to agree with Sesshomaru about his stupidity.' Out loud I said, "Gods, you really are slow. I'm almost about to agree with your brother about how aggravatingly slow you are!"

"You talk to Sesshomaru? I'll kill him!"

'Yeah, like every night, he's on my speed dial. On Saturdays we go shopping then do each other's hair." I replied sarcastically.

"Really?" InuYasha sounded like he really believed me.

"No, not really. Now go away."

"No, I will not go away until you give me my ramen"

"Uh, wait? Did you just tell me to give you your ramen?"

I guess I must've sounded quite threatening since InuYasha just nodded sheepishly.

"Oh no I don't think so!"

"You give it to me or I'll…I'll…I'll do something so bad…so bad I haven't even thought of it yet."

I smiled evilly. "Really? Well, get back to me when you think of it." And with that I began shoving InuYasha back into my computer. Unfortunately, I didn't act fast enough because InuYasha had finally decided on what bad thing he was going to do to me. He took my ramen in one hand and with his other grabbed my wrists. I was being pulled into feudal Japan through cyber-space. My last thought was damn, I hope Miroku doesn't grope me before I come to.

Okay, like it or hate it, I would like reviews anyways.