Hisoka's point of view
Why do you care so much? Why? I don't understand, and it angers me that you care. Can't you see I'm afraid? I'm afraid to look at you to look into your eyes. It's so difficult to stare into your eyes and not fall, fall slowly into your amethyst orbs. That's one of the reason I can't stand to look at you.
I'm afraid, afraid of what I see in you eyes. Your eyes which hold so many promises, so much hope, so much understanding, for me. And I'm afraid, to believe that its real. That everything your eyes hold is real. And if I let my self believe and it's not real, it frightens me to think of all the pain. Can't you see that? I want to trust you I want to believe all the silent promises your eyes hold. I can't.
It hurts to not able to trust you. I want to trust you, your the only one who seems to understand me to actually want to be around me. Why? I'm not sure. All I know is that you'll always be there or perhaps I only wish that you will always be here. And it hurts to think that maybe one day you won't be.
Sometimes when you give me that smile of yours, the one when you tilt your head to the side and close your eyes I feel something, warm. Than you open your eyes again and all I want to do is turn away and run, from you, from the pain in your eyes, from the emotions bombarding me. Sometimes I wish I could just reach out and close your eyes and shut out all the pain I know you feel too. Sometimes I wish I could just drown you in my screams, but I can't and I won't. Because as much as it hurts looking into your eyes, I know I would be lost without you.
We are the same you and I. We have both been hurt very badly over and over. What makes you think we could possibly help each other? But that's who you are the forever optimist. Perhaps, perhaps we can help each other. Perhaps one day I will be able to look into your eyes and believe, believe every single promise they hold. For now I'm still afraid to do so, they might not be real. Than again it is you and I ...I do trust you.
So maybe not today, but perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to believe and perhaps we'll heal each other one day. One day we'll be alright, it will be alright? Right ? One day we won't feel all this pain, only happiness. If not I would settle for eternal numbness, but it that means not being able to feel you emotions, than I rather feel pain. I'm afraid, but you are my life line, and all I can do hold on to you and trust you won't let go. Deep inside my hearts I know you won't and that's comforting. Thank you, Tsuzuki.
Cardel: Ahh I don't know what I was thinking.
Jin: I know you were feeling angsty. I love angst
Cardel: Well you kindda have to, to be an angst muse, but anyway I hope you guys like that, let me know what you think drop me a review.
Jin: Or flame they don't bother us.